


I Need You

by citysinger13



Category: Glee
Genre: AU, Angst, Drama, Eating Disorders, F/M, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Ryley
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-13
Updated: 2013-12-22
Packaged: 2018-01-01 09:58:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 55,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1043481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/citysinger13/pseuds/citysinger13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marley chose Ryder, not Jake. And despite her having the best boyfriend and some of the greatest friends ever, she still feels unbelievable pressure on herself. Can anyone help her see that she is needed and loved? An AU of season four. Contains triggering content pertaining to eating disorders.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of its characters.
> 
> Special thanks to Cadie, aka singyourheartout287, for being my beta reader and also for just being fabulous.

“Hey,” Ryder murmured, catching Marley’s arm as she walked by on her way to get dressed. “You doing all right today?”

Marley gave him a tight-lipped smile. “I’m great,” she told him, before gently extricating herself from his grasp and walking towards the dressing area with her costume. She squeezed her eyes shut as if she could hide from the shame of what he had caught her at yesterday before the show. 

And later he had kissed her. He had kissed her and now she didn’t know if that had been some kind of pity kiss—something to make her feel better—or if it was real. He hadn’t said anything else about it. She knew that she had probably freaked him out to no measure. He had caught her in the middle of a psychotic break and now he thought she was a weirdo.

Holding her breath, she buttoned her skirt, and then breathed a sigh of relief when it stayed. Finally, she hadn’t gained inches overnight again. _Kitty was right,_ Marley thought to herself. _It’s working._ She finished putting on her costume with a slight smile of triumph, and left the changing area to go to do her makeup.

“No last minute costume alterations today, Marley?” Tina asked.

Marley stopped short, feeling her heart skip a beat and the color drain from her face. “No, Tina,” she said quietly.

“Good. That’s something I won’t have to worry about for one night, anyway.” Tina walked away, leaving Marley with a pounding heart and sweating palms.

She collapsed stiffly into her chair at her mirror. She stared at her reflection. Her chin quivered slightly and when she looked down at her hands they were shaking on the countertop. “Oh stop it, Marley Rose,” she whispered harshly to herself. “Pull yourself together.”

With that, she stilled her lower lip, clenched her fists for a minute to steady them, and opened up her makeup bag. She had a show to do.

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Ryder watched Marley surreptitiously from where he was standing by the costume rack. Despite her saying that she was great…he knew it was a lie. She looked like crap. She was pale and almost looked like she was trembling anytime she stood still. Ryder swallowed deeply, remembering what he had caught her at yesterday.

He hoped it was just a one-time thing for her, and she hadn’t done it again. Very possibly, she was just really nervous about the show, and that’s why she was so awful-looking today. Yes, he was going to assume that was it. There was no need to assume the worst.

Still…Ryder bit his lip as he watched her dab foundation on her pale cheeks. Maybe he should talk to her. He hitched his bag over one shoulder and headed for the seat next to Marley.

His plopping down at the mirror next to her startled her, and she jumped a bit in her seat. Ryder chuckled. “Sorry, did I scare you?”

“No, not really,” she answered, blushing and averting her eyes back to the mirror. Ryder furrowed his brow as she avoided his gaze.

“You sure you’re okay, Marls?” he asked again.

“I’m fine!” she insisted, a little bit louder than intended. Sugar and Tina glanced over at them, and Marley’s cheeks flushed red again. “I’m fine,” she repeated, a bit quieter. “Ryder…honest.” She swallowed, and then leaned closer to him, whispering. “What happened yesterday…in the bathroom. Look, it was just nerves, okay? It was a literal moment of panic, about the show and about everything. You don’t need to worry about me. I just…had an irrational thinking episode.” Marley looked him in the eyes for a split second and then looked away, staring at her hands fiddling on her lap. “I’m sure you’ve had those too.”

“Totally,” Ryder agreed, more to make her feel better than anything. Marley inhaled deeply and nodded. And after a moment, she looked up and smiled at him.

“Good,” she said to him. “I’m glad we both understand.” Marley turned back to the mirror and picked up a makeup brush. Her hands shook enough that she nearly dropped it, which she laughed away with a nervous chuckle. “It’s cold in here,” she complained light-heartedly, shrugging her shoulders in a show of trying to keep warm.

Ryder, without a moment’s thought, shrugged off his letterman jacket and draped it over Marley’s shoulders. “That better?” he asked, grinning at her in the mirror.

Marley smiled and nodded. “Thanks.”

“No problem. I’m going to go change into my costume, but I’ll be right back.”

“’Kay.” As Ryder walked away, Marley quietly slipped her arms through the sleeves of Ryder’s jacket, and surreptitiously took a deep breath of the scent of his cologne that clung to the material. With a smile and slightly steadier hands, she resumed doing her makeup.

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A few hours later, the show was over. Marley had been looking forward to this show for so long, she thought that she would have been enjoying it more. Instead, she simply looked forward to it being over each night so she could go home and sleep.

Everyone was loudly making plans to go places and get some dinner and hang out—it was Friday night. I’ve got to get out of here before someone tries to invite me, she thought to herself, grabbing her bag and reaching for the jacket that was draped across the back of her chair. She hesitated, realizing it was Ryder’s letterman jacket.

She glanced around, looking for the handsome blonde boy. She didn’t see him anywhere though. And she really didn’t want to stick around and look for him, and risk getting trapped in an invitation from Unique or Kitty. She decided to just take the jacket and give it to him tomorrow at the matinee performance.

As soon as she stepped outside, she realized this was a good choice. It had dropped about fifteen degrees with the sun going down, and her cardigan was incredibly insufficient. And she had to walk home tonight.

Pulling the letterman on, Marley hitched her backpack up and set off down the street at a quick pace.

Marley had only been walking for a few minutes when a car slowed down beside her. “Marley, is that you?” She looked over and saw Blaine leaning out of the driver’s side window of his car.

She smiled and gave him a little wave. “Hey Blaine,” she greeted, stepping closer to his car. “Great job tonight, by the way.” Please don’t ask me to go out somewhere tonight. I just want to go home. She glanced in his car though, and no one was with him.

“Marley, why are you walking? It’s cold out.” Blaine looked at her incredulously. “You must be freezing.”

Marley shook her head. “No not really. I just…I like to walk when I can, you know, so my mom doesn’t have to spend so much on gas. I don’t live too far away.”

“Honey, I’ll drive you. Get in.” Blaine put the car in park and gestured for her to come around.

“No, it’s fine, really--.” 

“Marley, just get in the car,” Blaine insisted with a chuckle, gesturing again. Marley smiled weakly and walked over to his passenger side and got in the front seat. Blaine put the car back into drive and slowly drove off down the street.

“You really don’t have to drive me anywhere, Blaine,” Marley said. “I was fine walking.”

“Marley, this is what being friends is like,” Blaine explained kindly, giving her a smile—his smile didn’t look right, Marley noticed. He looked sad. Marley remembered suddenly about Blaine’s recent breakup with his boyfriend, and thought all the better of him for being so nice to her when he felt so bad. Blaine cleared his throat and asked, “Seriously, why didn’t you just ask someone to drive you?”

Marley sighed. “I don’t like asking people to drive me because I don’t have any spare money to give them for gas. And…I don’t know, I thought everyone was going out and I just…” She trailed off.

“Didn’t feel like it?” Blaine finished.

“Yeah,” Marley admitted. 

“Me either,” Blaine replied. “You know, there’s nothing wrong with that either! I am proud of my evening plans—slip on my pajamas, pop in some sappy rom com, and dig in to some junk food.’

Marley smiled. “Yeah, but you just went through a break up,” she offered, regretting bringing it up when she saw the light drain from Blaine’s eyes. She cleared her throat and stared out the window. “What’s my excuse?” she murmured

It was silent for a minute. “Do you need one?” Blaine questioned, finally. “Everyone needs time by themselves.”

“I’ve got a lot to think about,” Marley said absently, twirling a lock of hair around one finger as she stared down at her lap.

Blaine eyed the five-million-sizes-too-big jacket that Marley wore. “Do you?” he teased. “Is that Ryder’s jacket?” he finally asked, unable to hold back anymore.

Marley flushed a deep pink. “Yeah,” she murmured. “He loaned it to me earlier when I was cold. And I couldn’t find him after the show when I was leaving, so I just thought I’d give it to him tomorrow.”

“Mm, isn’t it just so romantic when guys give the person they like their jacket to wear?” Blaine teased, his Blaine-esque charm almost back in his voice. Marley smirked and shook her head, slapping Blaine’s shoulder lightly.

“Stop!” she whined. “Ryder and I are just friends, Blaine. That’s all.”

“Mmhm,” Blaine said sarcastically. “Ten bucks says that you guys get together before the show closes.”

“Quiet, you. Take a left here.”

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“Mom, I’m home,” Marley called as she walked through the front door. 

“Sweetie, how was the show?” Marley’s mom asked, her voice coming from the kitchen. Marley dropped her backpack by the staircase and walked through the living room.

“It was good,” she said noncommittally.

“Who drove you home?” Mrs. Rose asked. “You did get a ride, right, like you said? You didn’t walk? It’s really not safe to be walking at this time of night.”

“Blaine drove me, Mom,” Marley reassured her. She could just keep quiet about how she had fully planned to walk at first. Marley came into the kitchen, the smell of spaghetti overpowering.

Mrs. Rose grinned over her shoulder. “I figured you would be hungry after the show. Don’t worry, it’s all non-enriched, whole wheat pasta. Perfectly healthy.”

Marley gulped and forced a smile to her face, feeling her heart beating like a drum. “Awesome,” she made herself say. _God, I wonder how many calories are in that?_

She made herself sit at the kitchen table and eat the plate of food that her mother set in front of her. Once Marley took a bite, her taste buds went into overload. _Oh God, this is so good._ She began hurriedly eating the first food she’d had since yesterday morning. 

“Goodness, Marley, does doing the show make you hungry by any chance?” Mrs. Rose chuckled, staring at her daughter’s unusually enthusiastic eating.

Marley blushed and stopped shoveling food quite so quickly. “Something like that, yeah,” she mumbled around a mouthful of pasta.

“Well there’s more if you want it. Now, whose jacket is that?” Mrs. Rose asked curiously, with a twinkle in her eye.

Marley blushed again. “It’s Ryder’s,” she murmured, twirling spaghetti around her fork.

“Ryder’s, hm?” Mrs. Rose repeated, smiling. “He’s a cute one, isn’t he?”

“I guess,” Marley shrugged, trying to be nonchalant. She looked up to see her mom practically laughing at her. Marley broke into a smile of her own. “Okay, he’s cute.”

“Well, I want to hear all about this,” Mrs. Rose insisted, folding her hands in front of her and looking expectant, and soon they were gossiping and giggling about cute boys as if they were teenaged girlfriends instead of mother and daughter.

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Thirty minutes later found Marley Rose hunched over the toilet in her bathroom, vomiting up her supper. After she had finished retching, she gave way to sobs, resting her head against the edge of the toilet.

_You shouldn’t have eaten that dinner tonight,_ she scolded herself. _You know you had to do this. If you hadn’t, you wouldn’t have been able to wear your costume for the matinee tomorrow._ She sobbed again, and then stuck her fingers down her throat again for a second purge.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee or any of its characters.

“So, you have to sing with Kitty,” Ryder muttered to Marley as they walked out of the choir room after glee.

Marley glanced at him. “Yeah, that’s pretty much what Finn—I’m sorry, ‘The Almighty Treble Clef’—just said, isn’t it? You have to sing with Jake too.”

“I mean, Kitty’s kind of a huge bitch to you,” Ryder commented as they walked towards Marley’s locker. “Like all the time. How do you see getting through this project?”

“You and Jake actually got into a physical fight yesterday,” Marley reminded him. “I’m more concerned about the two of you performing a number without killing each other.” They reached her locker, and Marley slowly twisted the combination out and pulled the door open.

“Fair enough,” Ryder agreed, leaning against the locker and falling silent as Marley pulled out from her locker the books she needed to take to her next class. As Marley closed her locker door, she saw Ryder staring at her, a slight smile playing on his lips.

“What?” she asked, feeling a little self-conscious, but smiling despite herself. “Is my hair messed up or something?” 

“No,” Ryder answered. “It looks great. You’re just…really pretty.”

Marley slowly grinned. Ryder straightened up and nervously stood in front of her, one hand twisted in the strap of his backpack. Maybe it was her imagination, but he seemed to be leaning in a little closer…

“Marleyyy!” Both Ryder and Marley jumped as they heard the singsong voice of one Unique Adams. “Girl, you ready for class?”

“Uh…” Marley stammered, feeling her heart racing as her eyes darted back and forth between Unique and Ryder. “I…yeah, of course, sorry Unique. Um, bye Ryder. I’ll see you later.” Flushing a deep crimson, Marley ducked her head and hurried off with Unique towards their math class. 

“Did I interrupt something? O-M-G, is little miss Marley Rose getting it on with hottie-mc-hot Ryder Lynn?” Unique linked her arm through Marley’s. “Spill all the deets girl. Was something going on?”

“I don’t know,” Marley admitted, glancing over her shoulder surreptitiously. Ryder had already disappeared around a corner to go to his class. “I think he was about to kiss me,” she blurted out.

“No!” Unique gasped. “Oh, girl, I am so sorry for interrupting that.”

“Don’t be,” Marley insisted. “I…I bet he wasn’t going to anyway.”

“I don’t know, didn’t Jake and Ryder get into a fight over you? Like a for real fight?” Unique said, wiggling her eyebrows. “I heard about that. Everyone’s saying the two of them are practically tearing each other apart trying to be with the cute little songstress Marley Rose.”

“I mean, yeah that happened,” Marley confessed as she and Unique entered their classroom and took their seats. “And Ryder did ask me to go to the away game on Friday to cheer him on…but, I don’t know how much of that fight with Jake was really about me. I think maybe he just wanted to antagonize Jake.”

Unique scoffed. “Please. That boy is sweet on you. Don’t talk yourself out of it.”

“You really think so?” Marley asked, leaning over to Unique slightly as the teacher started to talk about last night’s homework. 

“Are you joking? I saw the way he was looking at you.” Unique raised her eyebrows and looked appraisingly at Marley. “If you like him, go for it.”

Marley looked away from Unique towards the front of the room, focusing on a spot on the blackboard. “Maybe I will,” she murmured.

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Feeling her mouth literally drop open, Marley could only watch in disbelief as Jake and Ryder performed—clearly for her, even she could tell—the song _Superman_. She tried to laugh it off, but she was more uncomfortable than she’d ever been. The guys were fighting for her, in song, in front of the entire glee club. 

As they started shoving each other out of their way to get to Marley, she was unsure of whether it was their choreography or not. As Ryder finally seemed to be emerging victorious, with Marley under his arm, Jake came out of nowhere with an actual, literal _punch_ to Ryder’s face.

Marley ended up getting shoved off to the side as Ryder fell, nearly falling over herself. She could only watch helplessly, frozen out of shock, as the guys scrapped on the choir room floor. Once they’d finally been pulled apart and out of the room, Marley just looked at the other glee members in surprise and confusion. They all stared back.

“Marley, are you all right?” Blaine asked, walking over to her. “Did you get hit or anything?”

“N-no,” she stammered. “I don’t…what just…?”

“Hey, let’s get some fresh air, okay?” Blaine suggested gently, taking her under his arm and guiding her out of the classroom. Marley realized somewhere in the hallway that she was shaking a little bit, to her humiliation.

“I’m fine, Blaine, really,” she insisted, as Blaine led her out the front door and sat her down on a bench outside.

“I know,” Blaine agreed, sitting down next to her. “I just think you probably got a real shock from that, and need a few deep breaths, and you weren’t going to get them in there with everyone staring at you.”

Marley snorted quietly and nodded. “You’re probably right.” She covered her face with her hands, and rubbed her eyes. “Why did that just happen?” she questioned hopelessly.

Blaine only shrugged. “I think maybe you need to have a talk with those guys though,” he told her gently. “They’re fighting over you. That’s just the truth. You’re the only one who can really resolve this.”

Marley squeezed her eyes shut and groaned. “I know. You’re so right. But I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.”

There was a noticeable pause. “Feelings get hurt. It’s life,” Blaine said quietly. 

“Oh, God, Blaine, I keep telling myself not to talk about stuff like this with you,” Marley moaned, remembering once again that Blaine was still very fresh from a very hard breakup. “You don’t need this right now; you should be worrying about yourself.”

“Hey. No.” Blaine’s voice was suddenly stronger and he grabbed Marley’s hand and looked her dead in the eye. “You can always— _always_ —talk to me about anything, okay? Marls, I just…I see a lot of myself in you, you know that?”

“Really?” Marley asked, intrigued.

“Yeah. You’re determined, you’ve got large goals, you’re talented as hell—yeah, I’m not too modest to admit I’m pretty good.” Marley laughed at that and Blaine smiled as well. “When I was a freshman, I was really self-conscious. I was in the closet about my sexuality, and I was shy about my talents. After coming out, I ended up dealing with a lot of bullying. After I transferred to Dalton, though, I really found myself. I learned so much about being confident in who I am.” Blaine looked pensive for a moment. “Really, Dalton is the place where I finally became…me.”

Marley contemplated what he had just said. “Blaine, do you miss going to Dalton or something?”

Blaine sighed. “I don’t know, sometimes I guess. Especially with Kurt not here anymore. But this isn’t about me.” He sighed and then looked at Marley thoughtfully. “Marley, I’m going to tell you a story.” 

“Okay…” Marley said hesitantly, sitting cross-legged on the bench facing Blaine. He mirrored her.

“The Warblers have this big brother/mentor system. New members get assigned to an upperclassman who helps them out with music, with dancing, stuff to do with the Warblers…but also with real life and issues. My big brother, his name’s Wes.” Blaine smiled at the mention of a guy who was clearly a dear friend. “He really helped me become more confident in myself. And he’s also…just my friend. He’s at college halfway across the country, but I still text him practically every day and we talk on the phone a lot. Having him as a mentor really helped me out a lot.”

“That’s great,” Marley said.

“Yeah, it is,” Blaine agreed. “See, here’s the thing. I left Dalton my junior year and came here. I never got to be anyone’s big brother or be that person in someone’s life. I really wish we had something like that here.” Marley nodded along. “Marley, I want to be your mentor.”

“What?” Marley asked, smiling. “I mean…like you said, we don’t have any sort of mentor program in New Directions.”

“Yeah, and I don’t think we’re ever going to,” Blaine told her. “At least, not before I graduate. I really do see myself in you, a lot, Marls. And I want you to feel like you can come to me about anything—help with songs, dancing, boys, life, anything. Plus, I heard Finn discussing with Coach Beiste that he wants to pair us as duet partners for Sectionals, so we’ll be spending a lot of time together rehearsing. So, Marley Rose, will you consider me your big bro?”

Marley grinned at him. “Absolutely, Blaine. I’ve always wanted a brother, you know,” she added, tapping him lightly on the knee in a friendly manner.

Blaine smiled at her so kindly and so happily, his smile finally reaching his eyes for the first time in the weeks since he and Kurt had broken up. “And I’ve always wanted a sister,” he told her, grabbing her hand again and squeezing it. 

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“Marley, you were…amazing in glee today,” Ryder told her as he came up to her locker between seventh and eighth period the next day. “And your Woman Fierce costume, wow. Did your mom really make that? It’s awesome.”

Marley grinned as she grabbed her last book and shut her locker. “Keep going. You’ve got a lot to make up for.”

“I am so sorry about that fight with Jake,” he apologized, walking beside her as she headed for her last class of the day. “It was stupid and it wasn’t right and it wasn’t fair to you at all. I just want you to know that what you want—it’s what I want, okay? And if you want to be with Jake, then that’s…that’s your decision. And I know my fighting with him isn’t going to change things.”

Reaching the door of her classroom, Marley turned to face Ryder. “I never wanted to be with Jake, okay?” she confessed to him. “Well, maybe I did at the beginning of the semester. But it was just a crush. Since I met _you_ , I’ve liked _you_ …you dork,” she said, her heart pounding at her newfound boldness, left over from that day’s performance in glee.

Ryder looked shocked, but immeasurably pleased. “Wait…really?” Marley laughed and nodded. Ryder grinned. “You are…you’re just the most awesome girl I’ve ever met, do you know that?”

Marley snorted and glanced at her feet, feeling she’d used up most of her confidence in her confession. “I doubt that.”

“I’m serious,” Ryder told her. Without hesitating, he placed his hands on Marley’s waist, pulled her in towards him, and kissed her, sweetly and deeply. Marley sank into the kiss, her eyes closing automatically. She balanced her books in one arm as her other hand rested on Ryder’s broad chest. She could hardly believe that this was actually happening to her…

“Ahem!” The two of them pulled apart at the sound of someone clearing their throat. Marley’s biology teacher was eyeing the two of them, an extremely unamused look on her face. “Can you please save your _canoodling_ for some other time and place other than in front of my classroom door before the final bell?”

“Sorry Mrs. James,” Marley murmured shyly, unable to keep the grin off of her face as she and Ryder stepped out of the way to let the teacher into her classroom. She glanced back up at Ryder, and they both started laughing.

“I’ll see you after school in glee,” Ryder promised. He pulled Marley into a hug, and she relished resting her head on his chest for a few seconds, feeling his steady heartbeat against her cheek. With a final squeeze and smile, Ryder left in the direction of his own class.

When she turned to go into the classroom, Marley saw something that she and Ryder hadn’t noticed while they’d been busy “canoodling”—Jake Puckerman, standing at his locker, not thirty feet away. He was staring at Marley with an unreadable expression.

She was so unsure of how to respond to the situation. She hesitated for a moment before giving him a weak wave and walking into her classroom, not having said anything to him.

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“Hey, Marley!” Blaine jogged over to Marley’s side as the New Directions milled about on the stage, having just finished their awesome rendition of Some Nights together. “So, tonight do you want to go to Breadstix? Mentor/mentee dinner?” he offered with a smile. “Finn gave me some songs that he wants us to look at for the duet at Sectionals. I thought we could discuss them and maybe head over to my place after and try out a few.”

Marley immediately felt her palms go sweaty. “Oh…gosh, I’d love to Blaine,” she said, dredging up all of her acting ability. “But I promised my mom I’d make dinner with her tonight; it’s kind of a Thursday night tradition for us. But I can come over to your place after that, and we can look at the songs then?”

“Oh yeah, sure, no prob,” Blaine accepted with a nod. He gave her a grin, squeezed her shoulder affectionately, and then walked off to talk to Sam.

Marley breathed a sigh of relief, kneeling down to tighten her shoelaces in order to conceal her shaking hands. She’d actually eaten lunch that day, and hadn’t even thrown it up. And because of that, she’d felt an immeasurable amount of guilt all day long. She was so sure that she was going to gain weight now. There was no way she could have _any dinner_ , let alone some huge dish from Breadstix.

After she stood back up, sure that her nervous reaction to Blaine’s dinner invitation had passed, she found herself engulfed in a hug from Ryder, and all her thoughts about food rushed away. She grinned as she held him tightly, still unable to believe that he really and truly liked her.

“So, Marley…” he said, pulling out of the hug. “Are we together now?”

Marley smiled and laughed. “What do you think?”

Ryder held up his hand to her and she pressed her own much smaller palm flat against his. He grinned and laced his fingers through hers. “I think I’ve never been happier than I am right now.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee or any of its characters.

“What year did World War I begin?” Mrs. Rose read from Marley’s world history book as she placed frozen tater tots on a pan.

“1914,” Marley answered promptly. She was perched on the countertop across the school kitchen, her feet swinging off the ground.

“Marley, you’re going to ace that test today. I don’t think you need to worry,” Mrs. Rose insisted with an encouraging smile. “You just answered every single one of these practice questions correctly.”

“Can you give me a few from the next page?” Marley requested. “I’m not too sure about some of that stuff.”

Mrs. Rose complacently turned the page, but before she could read any questions, they were distracted by someone entering through the back door of the kitchen.

“Ryder!” Marley exclaimed in surprise and delight, a grin jumping to her face. Ryder grinned back at her and walked over, but did nothing more than squeeze her hand affectionately, aware of Mrs. Rose’s presence.

“Hey Marls, I thought you’d be in here,” Ryder said. “Good morning Mrs. Rose,” he greeted Marley’s mom, turning his winning smile to her. 

“Good morning, Ryder,” Mrs. Rose answered back. She raised her eyebrows at Marley after Ryder had turned away, smiling at her daughter.

“Did I interrupt anything?” Ryder asked.

“No, Mom was just helping me study for Mr. Schue’s world history test today,” Marley commented. “Did you get out of practice early?”

“Yeah, Coach Beiste let us off fifteen minutes early—she said we were doing great and that we’re definitely going to kick butt at the game tonight.”

“I’m sure you will,” Marley agreed.

“Anyway, I was wondering something,” Ryder said, one of his hands laced through Marley’s and the other gripping the strap of his backpack. “On game day, members of the team can give their jersey to a friend or girlfriend to wear at school. Will you wear mine today?”

“Really?” Marley beamed. “Of course I will!”

“Awesome,” Ryder smiled back. He held Marley’s hand to help her down from the counter, and then reached into his backpack, pulling out a neatly folded white jersey. “It’s the one my mom just washed, not the one from practice this morning, don’t worry,” he told Marley as he handed it to her, smiling. Marley took off her cardigan and pulled the jersey on over the long sleeved red v-neck she was wearing.

Ryder grinned as he helped pull Marley’s hair out from under the jersey. “You know, you’re the first girl I’ve ever given my jersey to wear,” he admitted, and Marley smiled all the wider.

The fifteen minute bell rang just then. Mrs. Rose—who had been watching the cute scene from the corner of her eye, smiling all the time—closed Marley’s history book and handed it to her. “Why don’t you two go get ready for class,” she suggested, a twinkle in her eye. “You’ve got this stuff down, Marley, you’ll do fine.”

“Okay,” Marley agreed, taking her book and putting it in her bag, and then left the kitchen, hand in hand with Ryder.

xxx

“All right, glee club!” Finn entered the room with a grin. “First order of business for today—Blaine, Marley, did you guys look at the duets I picked out for next week?”

“Yeah, we went over them, and I think we picked one that we like most. We decided on a cut for it and everything,” Blaine answered, smiling at Marley. 

“Well great, let’s hear it!” Finn said enthusiastically, taking a seat in the rolling office chair as Blaine and Marley came down to the front of the room, positioning themselves in front of the piano.

As the music started, Marley felt nervous. But one kind smile from Blaine calmed her nerves. When she and Blaine had first discovered this piece stuck in the middle of the pile of music that Finn had selected, she had immediately known that she wanted to do it. Demi Lovato was one of her favorite singers, and this was an awesome song—and they had made it work really well as a duet.

Blaine sang first.

_“We were fine this morning,_  
Now I feel like I’m dreaming,  
You try to tell me what’s happened,  
But I can’t hear when you’re screaming  
Oooh. 

_“No more I’m sorry’s_  
I don’t have the time  
You break up to make up  
So spare me the lies.” 

Marley’s voice joined in with Blaine’s for the chorus. She turned and faced Blaine, matching grins on their faces.

_“Oh, shut up and love me,_  
Cause you’ve already got me  
I don’t need words, I need time in your arms,  
I need love from you baby.” 

They had decided to cut out the second verse and chorus and just go straight to the bridge, which Marley sang.

_“And how can you be_  
Too blind to see  
The girl who stands before you  
Who wants you more than anything?” 

Blaine and she circled each other, singing together just as they’d rehearsed the night before. Their voices harmonized perfectly.

_“Just shut up and love me_  
Cause you’ve already got me  
I don’t need words, I need time in your arms,  
I need love from you baby.” 

“Oh whoa!” Blaine threw in a belted note as Marley grinned at him and danced where she stood. By now, the rest of New Directions were dancing in their seats as well, some of them singing along in the background.

_“Oh, just shut up and love me_  
Cause you’ve already got me  
I don’t need words and as much as it hurts,  
I need love from you baby.” 

The room burst into applause, Ryder actually standing and clapping. Finn stood up as well, and came over to Blaine and Marley, arms outstretched in surprise, his mouth dropped open. “Guys, that was amazing!” he commented, high-fiving Blaine and giving Marley a one-armed hug. “That’s perfect! All in favor of that being the duet for sectionals?”

Every hand in the room went up. Marley and Blaine exchanged a grin and hugged each other before returning to their seats.

“So, Tina, how are the dresses coming along?” Finn asked next, gesturing to Tina in the front row.

“Everything’s on schedule. I’ll have the dresses all done by Tuesday for all the girls to have,” she told him.

“You might want to think about putting in some last-minute fittings, Tina,” Kitty commented from where she sat in the back, her arms folded across her chest. “Just in case anyone’s gained an inch or two; you wouldn’t want to have someone’s dress not fit suddenly and have to alter it.” Marley felt her face flush and fall as Kitty sent that poorly concealed jab in her direction.

It was awkward for a full second. “Right, well, I’m sure Tina will keep that in mind,” Finn said, attempting to draw the focus back to him. “Anyway, Brittany, we should get started on choreography for that duet—Mike Chang is going to be here next week to help on some other stuff…”

Marley barely heard as Brittany and Finn started exchanging choreography ideas. She folded her arms across her stomach, pointedly avoiding looking back at Kitty. 

_I was wrong. I’m not losing enough weight. Clearly, Kitty still thinks I look obese. What if I don’t fit into my dress for Sectionals? What if I gain enough weight before then that I can’t wear it the day of? What will happen then? What if--._

“Hey,” Ryder whispered to her, taking her hand as everyone stood up and went to the center of the room to follow directions from Finn and Britt. “Kitty’s a bitch, don’t listen to her. You look amazing. You always look amazing.”

Marley took a deep breath and smiled at Ryder. “Thank you,” she whispered back to him, and attempted to pay attention to Brittany’s and Finn’s instructions.

xxx

“Ooh, girl, this is exciting!” Unique grabbed Marley’s arm as they stood and cheered in the last few minutes of the game. The teams were currently tied. Marley screamed and cheered as the Titans offense took the field. She grinned seeing Ryder’s number 19 out among the players.

“Oh my God! Oh my God!” Marley screamed as Ryder caught the ball that was thrown to him and started running towards the end zone. “Oh my God! Go Ryder! Go!” He crossed into the end zone, making the touchdown that won the game for McKinley. Marley and Unique screamed and hugged each other.

“I know you want to wait for your honey bunch of golden haired boyfriend before we head back to Lima, so I’m gonna hit up the concession stand before they close down,” Unique declared as they walked down the steps of the bleachers among the crowds. “Can I get you anything?”

Marley’s stomach grumbled. “No thanks, I’m not hungry,” she said.

“Mm all right skinny bitch, you go get some of that beautiful man candy waiting for you instead.” On that note, Unique disappeared below the bleachers while Marley headed towards the gate to the field. Ryder, trapped in the middle of a group of team members, waved at her eagerly from the field and held up one finger, signaling that he would be over in a minute. Marley smiled and waved back at him, waiting by the fence.

“Hey glee girl!” Marley turned towards the voice that had called out to her, but was immediately blinded by a combination of blue and red slushies.

Gasping for breath, Marley just stood there, dripping in icicle slush. She couldn’t see anything. People around her started laughing. She heard someone say “shit, get out of here,” and heard the sound of running feet that must have been her assaulters making a break for it.

As she reached up to wipe off her eyes, she heard Ryder’s panicked voice. “Marley!” As she started to attempt to just get enough slushy off of her eyes in order to see, she felt hands gently but firmly grasp her shoulders. “Oh geez, are you okay?”

Marley responded by continuing to cough and sputter incoherently. Man, how many slushies had they hit her with? Finally, she cleared it all from her eyes and opened them.

Ryder was in front of her, his hair stuck to his forehead from perspiration, he was muddy and gross, but he looked so concerned. “I’m…” She stopped to cough again. “I’m fine.”

“I can’t believe this. Who did it?” Ryder demanded. “I’ll kick their butts.”

“I don’t know, I didn’t see them,” Marley said. She shivered. It had already been cold and now she was covered head to toe in literal ice.

“We’ve gotta get you cleaned up,” Ryder said, taking her under his arm protectively. “Where’s Unique?”

“C-concession stand,” Marley stammered between shivers. So Ryder, completely ignoring his teammate’s shouts for him to rejoin them on the field, walked off with Marley towards the crowd by the concession stands to find Unique.

When they found her, she was still in line. She gasped at seeing Marley dripping in blue and red ice. “Oh my God, what happened to her?”

“Slushied,” Ryder said simply. “Can you take care of her? I’ve got to get to the locker room and change.”

“Yeah, of course,” Unique said, stepping out of line.

“Marley,” Ryder said, grabbing her chin gently and making her look up at him. She realized she had started to cry without noticing. “Hey. Don’t leave without seeing me, okay?”

“Okay,” she sniffed, regretting it as several sharp shards of slush made their way into her nasal cavity. Ryder gave her a gentle kiss, paying no mind to the cold goo she was covered in, and then jogged back towards the field, looking over his shoulder several times.

Unique took her hand gently. “C’mon girl, let’s get you cleaned up,” she suggested softly, and led Marley in the direction of the women’s restroom.

xxx

“I just don’t know why those people hate me,” Marley sobbed as Unique wiped off her face with a paper towel, cleaning off the slushy attack remnants.

“They don’t hate you, honey, they’re just immature jerks who are jealous because you’re talented enough to be in glee club and they know they’re not,” Unique told her. She tossed the used towels in the trash, and grabbed some fresh ones. “Damn, girl, how many were there?”

“I have no idea, I turned around and I was hit with a bunch of slushies, so I was a little distracted,” Marley snapped.

“Mm, I know you’re upset, so I’m gonna forgive that little bit of sass that just came at me, okay?” Unique scowled and then smiled at Marley.

Marley managed a weak smile in return and wiped away tears. She looked at herself in the mirror and almost wanted to cry again. Unique had managed to get all of the mess off of her face and a lot of it out of her hair, but her clothes were absolutely going to be ruined. Her prized peacoat that she had scored at Goodwill was absolutely soaked in the stuff—she’d taken it off because it was just making her freeze. The slushy had soaked right through it to her sweater underneath, and her jeans were clinging to her because of moisture. Not to mention her suede Ugg knockoffs were going to be stained for sure. “This is the worst,” she moaned, and then shivered. “And also freezing.”

“Let’s just get you home, okay?” Unique insisted. “You’ll feel better once you’re home.”

Marley nodded in agreement. “We have to wait for Ryder though,” she told Unique as they left the restroom. “He said not to leave without seeing him first.”

“All right. We’ll go find Ken Doll first,” Unique agreed. 

They found the football team just getting out of the locker room and walking to the buses. “Marley!” Ryder jogged over. “Hey, are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Marley maintained. “I’ve been hit by slushies before, Ryder. I’ll be okay.”

“I don’t like it when people do that to my girlfriend,” he insisted. He slid off his letterman jacket and put it on Marley, despite her assurances that she was warm enough. 

“Ryder, you’ll get cold,” she insisted. 

“I don’t care,” he said plainly. He held out a decorated white paper bag to her. It had things like “go Titans!” written on it, and drawings of footballs. Ryder’s name and number were at the top of the bag. “Here, this is my game bag. The Cheerios make them for us for every game—they’ve got candy and stuff in them. I didn’t have much. You can have the rest of it. You deserve it.”

Marley felt her stomach leap into her throat. “No that’s fine, you have that,” she objected. “It’s yours.”

“Marley, just take it, okay?” Ryder said gently, smiling at her. “C’mon, it’ll make you feel better.” Not seeing any way out of this, Marley took the bag glumly and attempted a thankful smile. Ryder smiled back and then kissed her until Unique cleared her throat awkwardly and Coach Beiste yelled for Ryder to get his ass on the bus.

“I will text you tonight,” Ryder promised, and then stepped onto the bus. Marley and Unique headed off, arm in arm towards Unique’s car.

xxx

“Are you sure you don’t want to come over to my house, girl?” Unique asked as she parked in front of the Rose home. “I can give you some of my special avocado facial—it’ll perk you right up.”

“Yeah, no I just want to take a shower and go to sleep,” Marley told her. “Thanks, Unique, for going to the game with me.”

“Of course! Any excuse to ogle me some nice boy booty. Seriously, those little football-player-tights-pants-things.” Unique rolled her eyes and smiled at Marley, who laughed.

“You’re ridiculous,” Marley declared as she unbuckled her seatbelt and got out of the front seat. “I’ll see you in school on Monday, okay?”

“Oh, wait! Don’t forget this!” Unique handed Marley the bag of sweets Ryder had given her. With a tight-lipped smile, Marley took them.

“All right, girl, byyye!” With a wave and a blown kiss, Unique drove off. Marley waited until Unique had driven around the corner before she went over to the trash can sitting on the curb, opened it, and tossed the bag in.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee or any of its characters.

“Finn?” Marley walked up to the tall figure of Finn Hudson as everyone else left the classroom, chatting amongst themselves or with their newly assigned mentors. “Hey, um…I really appreciate you assigning Santana as my mentor…but the thing is…”

“Marley’s kind of already my mentee,” Blaine finished, walking up behind Marley and finishing her sentence. “I told her I’d be her glee mentor.”

“Well…” Finn said, glancing from Marley to Santana, who was now walking over from where she’d been talking with Brittany. “That’s great, don’t get me wrong. Do you think you and Santana can both be her mentors?”

“What’s that?” Santana asked as she got within earshot. “Share? Santana Lopez does a lot of things, chubby cheeks, but sharing is not one of them. What’s going on?”

“Santana, Marley and I have already been working in a mentor/mentee capacity, and she’d feel more comfortable just to continue working with me.” Blaine looked at Finn. “I’m just as qualified as Santana to be a mentor, even if I’m not graduated yet. I’ve even been in glee longer.”

“Oh hell no, this boy isn’t trying to make out that he’s better than me,” Santana snapped. “Is that true, little miss Marley? You’d rather not work with me?”

Marley gulped under the fiery glare of Santana. She was skinny, beautiful, apparently talented as anything, and Marley felt nothing but intimidated by her. “Honestly, you kind of scare me,” Marley admitted.

Santana pursed her lips. “That’s fair!” she decided. “I should scare you. I’m a hard ass, and if you really want to learn some things, you’ll work with me. If you want to get coddled and not really get any better, go ahead working with gel-head gay-man here.” Blaine rolled his eyes at Santana and patted Marley’s back comfortingly.

“Look, Santana, I really appreciate you coming and saying you’ll be a mentor, but I don’t want to screw up anything Blaine and Marley have already arranged,” Finn finally said. “You’ll still help out Quinn and Brittany, won’t you? And I know Mercedes would love it if you helped her with vocal trainings.”

Santana shrugged. “Fine. Whatever. It’s not like I really wanted to babysit little miss dewdrop princess fairy anyway.” She turned on her high heels and stalked away.

Finn, his eyes wide, looked back at Marley. “That may have been for the best that she not mentor anyone,” he admitted and Blaine and Marley both nodded.

xxx

“And…girls, jump!” Marley, out of breath, grabbed onto Joe’s shoulders and leapt onto him, thanking God when he didn’t immediately drop her. However, the very quick change in her altitude made her start feeling a little light-headed, and things started to blur a little bit. She shook her head slightly to clear her vision and only succeeded in making herself dizzier.

Mike Chang, standing at the front of the stage, shook his head. “Kitty, you were behind. Turn…good, keep going guys. Don’t forget to sing. And guys, put them down and go into the sidle…” 

Joe carefully released Marley, letting her slide down his back to the ground quickly and she felt herself lose her footing. Despite her efforts to correct herself and continue on, her legs buckled beneath her and she fell, crashing right into Blaine as she did so.

“Marley!” Blaine exclaimed, dropping to her side.

“Hey, cut the music, guys,” Mike called to the band.

“Marls,” Ryder said anxiously, having pushed his way over as soon as he had seen. He dropped to his knees on the other side of her. “Hey, you okay?”

“I’m so sorry, Marley, that must have been my bad,” Joe apologized, kneeling down too.

Marley waved all of them away as she pushed herself up to a sitting position. “No seriously, guys, I’m fine, I swear. I just slipped. I’m fine.” 

“Are you sure?” Ryder asked worriedly.

Mike had come over by now. “You all right, Marley?” he asked, concerned. “Did you hurt yourself?”

“I’m fine. Guys, I’m fine,” Marley insisted. Ryder and Blaine each took one of her hands and helped her up as she continued declaring that she was okay. “It’s just that I wasn’t ready and I slipped. No big deal.”

“Let’s just take a five minute break really quickly,” Mike suggested. “Marley, go sit down for a few minutes, okay?”

“Fine,” Marley muttered, rolling her eyes. “I’m okay, but fine, I’ll go sit down.” Ryder held her hand as they walked to the edge of the stage. He jumped down first and then reached up to grab Marley by the waist and lift her down to the floor.

Marley collapsed into an audience seat, closing her eyes and silently thanking Mike for giving them a break, despite her numerous objections. Her head was still spinning. She’d been having these dizzy spells lately, but if she just waited them out, they usually passed. 

“Hey, Marls,” Ryder whispered to her, sitting next to her and holding her hand. Marley opened her eyes to look at him. His soulful brown eyes stared deeply into her clear blue ones. “Are you absolutely sure you’re all right?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she told him, though hesitantly. He clearly wasn’t believing that. “I might be a little dehydrated. Can you grab my water from backstage? It’s in my backpack.”

“Absolutely,” Ryder told her with a smile. He kissed her forehead and then, jumping back up onto the stage, jogged backstage to find her water bottle. Marley worried for a split second that he’d find the laxatives that Kitty had given her that morning, but reassured herself with the fact that they were thoroughly hidden, wrapped in tissue paper, in the bottom of the front compartment of her bag, whereas her water bottle was sitting in the side pocket in full view. Even if Ryder didn’t see the water bottle, he wouldn’t look for it in the pocket that the laxatives were in. 

Seconds later, Kitty had taken Ryder’s vacated seat. “Well, that was unfortunate, wasn’t it?” she commented dryly, examining her nails nonchalantly.

“I slipped,” Marley told her, not caring to listen to what Kitty had to say right now.

“Oh I know,” Kitty agreed. “I just heard Joe saying that he couldn’t hold onto you any longer though, because you were a bit too heavy for him. I mean, I guess he needs to lift some weights or something before Thursday, then, because you’re probably not going to be losing any weight at this point are you?”

Marley’s heart stopped for a split second, she could have sworn it. “He said that?”

“I mean, he’s probably just a weakling, right?” Kitty said in a way that made it obvious she thought the opposite. “Whatever. Oops, here comes knight-in-shining-armor. I’ll leave you two alone.” With that, Kitty got up and left at the exact moment Ryder jumped down from the stage, Marley’s purple water bottle in hand.

He looked after Kitty oddly. “Was she being mean to you?” he asked as he handed Marley her water and sat down next to her.

“No,” Marley murmured, taking a small sip of water. “She was being nice.”

xxx

“Hey, Jake, over here, man!”

The next day, Ryder was laughing at the joke Tina had just told at the lunch table, when Sam yelled at their fellow glee club member to join them. Jake, holding his lunch tray, took a look at the empty seat beside Ryder, and pointedly took one at the extreme opposite end of the table, where it was much more crowded. Ryder rolled his eyes. 

“Congrats on getting the dance part in _Gangnam Style_ , Jake,” Tina said. “Mike says you were awesome.”

“Well, I don’t like to brag, but…” Jake said with a sly smile. 

As the conversation continued, Ryder glanced over at Marley, noticing she was being unusually silent. She sat with one of her hands holding a plastic spoon, absently turning it over and over. Her cheek rested in her other palm, and she looked about ready to nod off. 

Ryder nudged her gently with his shoulder. “Hey, you awake?” he asked, a bit teasingly.

“Hmm? Oh, yeah,” Marley said with a small laugh. “Sorry, I…honestly, I haven’t been sleeping very well lately.”

“Nerves for Sectionals?” Ryder suggested.

“Probably,” Marley agreed, sighing. She tapped her spoon absently against her tray.

Ryder looked down at the tray to see that most of her food was untouched. “Hey, you’ve hardly eaten anything, Marls,” he murmured in surprise. “We’ve got double glee rehearsal tonight, you’ve got to eat something.”

“I had some.” 

“You’ve had like half of a yogurt,” Ryder pointed out.

“It’s the only good thing that was up there,” Marley insisted. Ryder gently took the spoon from her hands, dipped it in the yogurt container, and held the spoon up to her.

“Have some more then,” he suggested, smiling encouragingly at her.

Marley looked as though she were trying to find an excuse out of it. She apparently found none, because she obediently opened her mouth and let Ryder feed her the half-spoonful he was offering.

“Aw, isn’t that adorable?” Marley and Ryder both looked to see Kitty watching them from where she was sitting next to Jake. “Don’t you think that’s adorable, Jake?”

Jake averted his gaze down to the tabletop. “Yeah, way adorable,” he muttered.

Marley quickly swallowed the yogurt and wiped her mouth off with a napkin, taking a long sip of her water. Her cheeks were turning red, a sign that she was embarrassed.

“Eat a bit more,” Ryder encouraged, more softly now. He offered her the spoon and she took it from him, scooping up the tiniest bit of yogurt possible and eating it. After watching her successfully eat a few more bites, he turned back to the conversation at the table, but continued to glance back over at Marley every now and again.

Clearly, she really had been hungry, because after the yogurt, she finally ate the salad that was sitting getting limp on her tray, and finished her water.

And the next period, in history, Ryder thought nothing of it when Marley got the bathroom pass not ten minutes into class.

xxx

_Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Sectionals in two days. Stupid. Want to be fat? Stupid, stupid, stupid._

Marley gasped as she finished heaving. She blindly reached for the flush handle and then pushed herself away from the toilet, curling her legs to her chest as she leaned against the stall divider, shivering on the cold tile floor.

She couldn’t believe that she’d actually eaten lunch. She’d been doing so well, too. She hadn’t had anything to eat since Sunday evening, and it was now Tuesday. _Mom will expect me to eat Thanksgiving dinner_ , Marley realized with a sob. _Grandma and her and everyone always look forward to it. They work so hard on it. How am I going to get out of it?_ She took a few deep breaths, trying to suppress her panic of what was now only two days away. _You’ll be fine, Marley. Even if you have to eat, you can always purge. And then there’s…_

Marley made a face just thinking about what Kitty had suggested to her.

_“Here,” Kitty had said simply when she came out to Marley at her locker Monday morning. She held out some small package, covertly wrapped in plain white tissue paper._

_“What is it?” Marley asked suspiciously, taking the package wearily._

_“Laxatives. Like I told you about the other day,” Kitty explained. “If you ever can’t fit into an outfit or something, and you can’t purge, use them.”_

_“Kitty, I told you I didn’t want these,” Marley hissed, glancing around and thrusting the package back towards the blonde cheerleader in front of her._

_“I’m sorry, do you really want me to take those back?” Kitty asked. “Because you know I think you’re a sweetheart and I know you’re as excited as anything to perform at Sectionals and it will be really embarrassing for you if you can’t fit into your dress at the last minute because you and your meat-loving-mama have Thanksgiving breakfast, lunch, and dinner before the competition, and you have to go on naked—or maybe not perform at all.” Kitty folded her arms and raised an eyebrow at Marley._

_Marley felt a lump growing in her throat as she stared back at Kitty. Slowly, she pulled the package she held back to her and, with Kitty watching closely, stowed it in her bag._

_Kitty smiled at her. “Good girl. You know you’re making the right decision.” With that, Kitty had turned sharply and walked away, her high pony swinging behind her._

“I can’t,” Marley sobbed quietly to herself. She sniffed and coughed. “I don’t think I can use those,” she whispered more softly.

But she knew if it came down to it…she might have to. Because if she was being honest…she was starting to feel like she didn’t have a choice about any of this.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee or any of its characters.

Marley wiped off her mouth and pulled the flush on the toilet. It had taken three tries, but she was finally confident that she’d purged all of the Thanksgiving dinner her mother had put in front of her. Turkey and yams and green beans…Marley shuddered just remembering it. Fortunately, she had gotten out of dessert by saying she didn’t want to be too full at Sectionals that evening. Then she had gone upstairs to ensure she wouldn’t be full at all.

“Sweetie, are you ready?” Mrs. Rose’s voice came up the stairs. Marley stood hurriedly, fighting past the wave of dizziness that came over her.

“I’ll be down in a minute, Mom,” she called back, checking her hair in the mirror and applying her lip gloss before hurrying to her bedroom to throw on her dress and shoes.

xxx

Marley examined her shaking hands on the countertop of the dressing table backstage. Everything was so incredibly hard to focus on right now, she wasn’t even sure if she could remember the set list. 

Ryder’s face appeared in her mirror. “Marls,” he said, looking concerned at her faraway eyes and pale cheeks. “You look sick.”

“I feel sick,” she admitted, tears evident in her voice. She stood and faced Ryder, reaching out for his strong arms to support her. “Ryder, I feel like this is all going to go wrong.”

“Hey, hey, shh,” Ryder hushed her quietly, pulling her into a hug, stroking her hair comfortingly. “You’re going to be great. I promise. You’re just nervous. It’s like with Grease…” Ryder trailed off as he remembered what nerves had caused her to do before Grease. “Marley, have you eaten today?” he asked seriously, pulling her away from him and looking into her eyes.

“Yeah, I did, it’s Thanksgiving,” Marley murmured. She tried very hard to focus on Ryder’s face and shivered, swaying a little where she stood as Ryder held her at arm’s length.

Ryder shook his head. “You can’t go onstage like this. Sit here. I’ll be right back.” Ryder guided her back to her seat, and disappeared quickly. 

Marley hardly had time to wonder where he had gone before he was back, holding a juice box and a granola bar. He held them out to Marley. “Here, have this.”

“No thanks, I’m fine, Ryder.” Marley attempted to wave the food away, but Ryder shook his head again, looking very firm. 

“Marley, you look like you’re about to pass out,” he said, sounding very concerned. “I think you should just eat something.”

Marley swallowed. She didn’t want to pass out onstage…and her dress was already loose…She took the granola bar and unwrapped it, taking a bite. Ryder smiled encouragingly and lowered himself to one knee in front of her, putting the straw in the juice box for her before handing it to her.

As he watched, rubbing her knee in a comforting way, Marley finished the juice and the granola bar. “Please promise me you’ve been eating,” Ryder said in a low voice.

Marley swallowed back the lump in her throat. “I have,” she told him. And prayed he wouldn’t ask the obvious next question.

“New Directions! Places!” the stage manager called loudly as the lights in the audience dimmed for their performance. 

Ryder sighed and, with a quick kiss to Marley’s cheek, jogged over to stand with the other guys in the wings while Marley took her place with the girls.

Their set list had been through number of rearrangements. Santana, not busy with being anyone’s mentor now, had taken it upon herself to be in charge of the songs and their order. She had ridiculed Finn for his idea to open with their show-stopping _Gangnam Style_ , saying that it was just suicide to use their best number first. Finn had caved when Mercedes and Mike had both agreed with Santana.

Instead, it had been decided that the New Directions’ girls would perform _Lights_ by Ellie Goulding to open, followed by Marley’s duet with Blaine, and then they would end with _Gangnam Style._

Marley found everything to be a bit clearer after eating and drinking something. Maybe she would make it through this after all. As the opening notes played, she walked out onstage behind Brittany and in front of Kitty, managing to keep in time.

_“I had a way then losing it all on my own,”_ Brittany sang. The three girls formed a triangle with Brittany at the head of it. _“I had a heart then but the queen has been overthrown.”_

_“And I’m not sleeping now, the dark is too hard to beat,”_ was Kitty’s line, which she sang as the girls rotated their triangle, putting Kitty at the head. _“And I’m not keeping up, the strength I need to push me.”_ As she sang this line, the girls rotated again, putting Marley dead center, her heart pounding.

_“You show the lights that stop me turn to stone,”_ Marley belted out, knowing as she did so that Unique, Tina, and Sugar were entering behind her, and Kitty and Brittany were moving further away so the six girls of New Directions were in two lines, with Marley exactly front and center. _“You shine it when I’m alone. And so I tell myself that I’ll be strong, and dreaming when they’re gone.”_

Marley thanked God when the rest of the girls joined in for the rest of the chorus.

_“Cause they’re calling, calling, calling_  
Me home  
Calling, calling, calling  
Home 

_You show the lights that stop me_  
Turn to stone  
You shine it when I’m alone” 

Marley gasped for air as the girls moved around in accordance with their choreography, and struggled to keep up, feeling that familiar wave of dizziness flashing through her as she spun around.

_“Noises, I play within my head,”_ Brittany led off again, taking the place in the center. _“Touch my own skin and hope that I’m still breathing.”_

And then there was no singing. And Marley suddenly realized it was because she was supposed to be singing the next line, but she hadn’t remembered. _“—brother and my sister slept,”_ she blurted out, off-key, just catching the end of the verse.

Her heart pounded as Kitty, standing next to her, shot her an evil glare as they harmonized together for the next line. _“In an unlocked place the only time I feel safe.”_

Marley choking back tears, thankfully took her place in the back of the group as everyone sang and danced the final chorus.

_“You show the lights that stop me_  
Turn to stone  
You shine it when I’m alone  
And so I tell myself that I’ll be strong  
And dreaming when they’re gone 

_Cause they’re calling, calling, calling_  
Me home  
Calling, calling, calling  
home 

_You show the lights that stop me_  
Turn to stone  
You shine it when I’m alone.” 

The music tapered off to the applause of the crowd as the girls all separated to reveal Marley at the back, remaining in her spot as everyone else took their places for _Shut Up and Love Me_. As that music began, the guys made their entrances from backstage. Blaine entered as he started singing, and walked casually to center stage.

When it came time for Marley to join him, she sang what she was supposed to, moved when she was supposed to. She did everything right. Blaine grabbed her hand to dance with her, and squeezed it affectionately. Looking into his eyes that were filled with sympathy, Marley knew at least one person wasn’t mad at her for screwing up.

But when she turned to go to her place for _Gangnam Style_ , she was met with glares from most of the girls, and a few of the guys too. There were plenty more people who were mad.

_Gangnam Style_ was an abomination for her. She couldn’t seem to get enough breath to sing and dance at the same time, and the fuzziness that enveloped her brain had her forgetting more than one dance step. She bumped into a few people as well. She almost didn’t think she’d make it through the end, but she did.

As the curtain fell to applause from the audience, she dropped her arms from their finishing position, covering her face as she started to sob. She heard the clatter of Ryder dropping his confetti cannon and immediately felt his arms encircle her.

“Hey, hey, hey, Marls,” he comforted. “You did great. You were fine.” He started to gently guide her down the riser steps, as more people crowded around her. These people were a bit less sympathetic to her.

“Great? Fine?” Tina Cohen-Chang was already off and running on a major bitch fit. “I knew we couldn’t count on you, Marley! Never in the history of the New Directions has anyone forgotten a lyric during competition!”

“Tina, calm down,” Blaine scolded. “It wasn’t that big of a deal.”

“Um, but maybe it was a big deal when she was going all over the place during _Gangnam Style_ ,” Sugar complained. “You stepped on my foot!”

“I knew she shouldn’t have gotten a solo,” Tina exclaimed to anyone who would listen.

“Hey, back off, everyone,” Ryder exclaimed, shooting looks as he protectively held Marley under one arm. Finn by now had gotten backstage, and looked surprised to see everyone crowded around Marley, talking over each other.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Finn demanded. Mr. Schue wasn’t far behind him, along with most of the grads. “Everyone! Hey, Marley, you okay?”

“Finn, I’m so sorry,” Marley apologized tearfully. “They’re right. You shouldn’t have made me a lead.”

“Calm down, Marley, you did fine,” Finn told her. “People make mistakes. I was concerned about you. You don’t look so good.”

“She isn’t feeling well,” Ryder explained, tucking a sweaty strand of Marley’s brown hair behind her ear.

“Oh please, like that’s some excuse!” Tina snapped.

“Back off my girl, honey, before I make you!” Unique stepped up to defend Marley.

“Hey, break it up, both of you!” Mr. Schue exclaimed, his voice ringing with authority that sent everyone into silence. “All of you get a hold of yourselves. Get back to the choir room so you can wait for the results.”

As the entire glee club made their way back to the auditorium, Ryder kept a firm arm around Marley, whispering to her that everything was going to be fine.

xxx

Marley stood up when the bell rang, looking around the empty choir room sadly. She’d ruined everything for everyone. “Guys, I’m so…” Marley tried to say to everyone who were quickly leaving the room. “Guys, really, I’m so sorry.”

It hurt her to be ignored. Because she really was sorry. The moment when the Warblers had been declared the winners had been the worst of her life. Tina had started actually screaming and crying. And Marley knew without a shadow of a doubt, that it was all her fault.

She felt tears welling up in her eyes, but blinked them away. Ryder took her hand. “C’mon,” he suggested, nodding his head towards the door. Marley slowly stumbled after him, pausing as she passed by Mr. Schue and Finn.

“I’m so sorry I let you down,” she told them sadly, and then followed Ryder out.

“You didn’t let anyone down,” Ryder assured her, squeezing her hand as they walked down the hall. “Everyone just doesn’t know how to deal with glee being over. They’ll get over it. They’re your friends.” 

Marley nodded. “You’re right,” she agreed. “They’ll probably be back to normal in a couple days.” She smiled at Ryder so he’d think that she was okay.

She really wasn’t though.

xxx

Friday, they still weren’t over it. Marley had watched, horrified, as her friends all went off joining different clubs and teams (she forgave Ryder for his joining the basketball team, since he was already a jock in the first place and football season was over), and couldn’t believe when no one would show up to Finn’s ragtag glee rehearsals. 

Lunch was the only time when the glee kids still spent any time together. Old habits were hard to break, and new positions at new tables this late in the semester were hard to come by. Today, Marley had to walk into the cafeteria alone because every Friday, Ryder had tutoring at lunchtime with the special dyslexia teacher.

She hadn’t expected that, when she walked up to take a seat at the table, Tina would set her own bag down right in the chair that Marley went to pull out. “Sorry, taken,” Tina said, not even looking at Marley.

“By who?” Marley asked incredulously.

“Anyone but you?” Tina suggested, finally looking up at Marley. “You ruined Sectionals and our entire season, Marley. Why would we want you here?”

“Tina!” Blaine exclaimed, shocked. Tina looked over at him and shrugged, not very apologetically.

“She’s right, Blaine,” Artie added, the stupid plume on his hat wiggling as he looked from Blaine to Marley. “None of us want to be reminded of losing at Sectionals, and she’s the one who tanked our score sheets.”

“Guys, stop. Marley, come sit here,” Blaine gestured to the empty seat next to him. But Marley, with her heart pounding, fought against tears and turned away, running out of the cafeteria.

_You ruined Sectionals,_ she repeated to herself as she ran down the hallway. _You’ve ruined everything. You ruined your friendships. You’ve ruined your entire life._

She didn’t even know that she was running towards the restroom until she had burst through the door and thrown herself down in one of the stalls. She stuck her middle and pointer finger down her throat, desperate for the sense of relief and calm that throwing up now gave her.

But she hadn’t eaten anything since yesterday at lunch, and even then not much. She gagged herself but couldn’t manage to bring up anything, not even a bit of bile. Sobbing, she admitted defeat, stumbling out of the stall hopelessly. She stood there, staring at her reflection.

She couldn’t understand why anyone had wasted their time on her in the first place. Why had they given her the chance to screw this up? If she had just been rejected from the glee club, this never would have happened to her.

Sobbing, she backed up until she hit the wall behind her, and then slid slowly down it. She drew her knees up to her chest and buried her face in them.

The door to the bathroom opened. “Marley?” That was Blaine’s voice…?

Footsteps came in the door and around the corner, and then sped up towards her when she came into sight. “Marls, hey, no don’t cry.” A hand grabbed each of hers. She looked up to see, yup, Blaine Anderson kneeling in front of her. “They…they’re just being jerks, Marley, don’t worry. You know how big of a diva Tina is, and Artie just always follows her lead. No one else is thinking like them, I promise.”

Marley sobbed harder. “Th-they hate me,” she managed to choke out.

“No, they don’t, I swear, Marley,” Blaine insisted. “They just don’t know how to handle this, so they need to blame someone. The only reason they hadn’t already lashed out of you is because they’re afraid of what Ryder would do to them.” 

“Ryder…” Marley sobbed. _If you had been rejected from the glee club, you probably wouldn’t have auditioned for Grease. And you wouldn’t have ever talked to Ryder. Something good came of it._ She tried to cling to that little bit of wisdom her brain had spat out. “Ryder,” she repeated.

“Do…do you want him? Do you want me to go find him?” Blaine asked hesitantly. When Marley nodded, he nodded back. “Okay. Do you want to come with me?” Marley shook her head violently, crying harder. “Marley, calm down. Okay. I’ll bring him here. Don’t worry. Shh, okay? Stop crying. I’ll be right back.” Blaine, after squeezing Marley’s knee affectionately, left the bathroom at a jog.

Blaine was gone for only about five minutes, but to Marley it felt ages. She sat there sniffling and crying while he was gone, thanking God that she had managed to find the least popular bathroom in the entire school—almost no one came in this one, and she wasn’t disturbed at all. It made it a very convenient sight for purging, and also for the apparent psychotic break she was going through. She buried her face in her hands again as a fresh wave of sobs came over her.

The door opened again, and Marley heard footsteps running in. “Marls?” was Ryder’s hesitant, but concerned voice. “Hey, I’m here. What happened?” She heard Ryder take Blaine’s original spot in front of her and reach gently to pull her hands from her face. “Marley, talk to me,” he encouraged softly.

“I…and…and they…Tina…and…” Marley could only force out incoherent mumblings between sobs. Ryder looked helplessly at Blaine for a translation.

“She showed up for lunch and Tina and Artie laid into her,” Blaine explained sadly. “Said she couldn’t sit with us and that no one wanted to be around the girl who ruined Sectionals.”

Ryder’s face took on a dark expression. “I hope you told them they were wrong,” Ryder snapped. 

“Yeah, I did,” Blaine defended himself. “And after Marley ran off, I gave them as quick of a talking-to as I could before I ran after Marls.”

Ryder turned back to Marley. He placed one hand on her cheek, using his thumb to wipe away tears. “Marley, please calm down, you’re going to make yourself sick.” Ryder watched as Marley attempted to stop crying, but only kept hyperventilating and sobbing. He shook his head. “I’m taking you home.”

“Do you need me to drive her?” Blaine offered.

“No, I’ve got my car,” Ryder told him. “C’mon Marls, let’s stand up, okay?” He took one of her hands, while Blaine took the other. They gently guided her up, each also placing a hand gently on her shoulder blades to support her.

“I can’t go home,” she managed to choke out. “There’s still…school.”

“You need a mental health day,” Ryder said. “We’ll tell your mom that you got sick, okay? Or we can not tell her anything. I’ll just say I took you home, okay? Don’t worry about school.”

“Do you need anything?” Blaine asked. 

“Yeah, go back to the lunch room and tell the guys what assholes I think they are,” Ryder said with anger in his voice. He inhaled deeply, as though calming himself, and then added, in a calmer voice, “Thank you, Blaine, for caring about Marley.”

“Yeah of course,” Blaine said softly. He squeezed Marley’s hand and bent down a bit to look in Marley’s eyes. “Hey, I love you, okay sweetheart? And so does everyone else. Remember that, all right? Feel better.” Blaine left the restroom, and so did Marley and Ryder.

xxx

“I didn’t interrupt your tutoring session did I?” Marley asked quietly from where she was sitting the couch in her living room, twenty minutes later. Her arms were crossed across her chest and her feet were propped against the edge of the coffee table, with her long legs bent slightly at the knee.

Ryder glanced up from the DVD player that he was kneeling in front of. “No, of course not,” he assured her. “My tutor had just said I could leave, because there were only five minutes left in lunch. And then as I was getting my stuff, Blaine came running up to me saying you needed me. And so I ran to find you.”

Marley nodded, and fiddled with the edge of her shirt. “Still, I’m sorry,” she apologized.

“Why, Marls?” Ryder asked, furrowing his brow in confusion.

“You always seem to be…running to my rescue or something,” she told him, and chuckled humorlessly. “I feel like we aren’t capable of having a happy moment between us, because I’m always such a mess.”

Ryder got up from his spot on the floor and sat down next to Marley on the couch. He looked at her dead in the eye, the slightest hint of a smile on his lips. “Every moment that I am with you is the happiest,” Ryder said calmly, and leaned in to kiss her softly on the lips. When they separated after a few seconds, he smiled again. “And you are not a mess, and even if you were, you’re the prettiest mess I’ve ever seen.”

Marley couldn’t help but grin at that. “Thank God, I was afraid you weren’t going to smile at all today,” Ryder murmured, kissing her once more. “Now, do you want to watch _The Hunger Games_?”

“I always want to watch _The Hunger Games_ ,” Marley said with a smile. Ryder booped her nose with his index finger and got up to resume setting up the movie. Marley, shivering slightly despite the warm room, grabbed the afghan off the back of the couch and draped it over herself, pulling her legs up onto the couch.

Ryder hit the light switch in the living room, darkening the room, and then joined Marley on the couch as she was pressing the play button on the remote. There was nothing awkward about snuggling up next to Ryder like there might have been in another still fairly new relationship. Being with Ryder always felt…easy. It felt right.

“Do you want some ice cream to cheer you up?” Ryder offered nicely. “Or some popcorn?”

Marley tried not to let her panic show on her face. “No, not right now,” she refused, trying not to say it too quickly. “Maybe after the movie?” She snuggled closer to Ryder and he put an arm around her. “I just want to cuddle.”

“Of course,” Ryder agreed with a smile, and Marley silently commended herself for a job well done.

xxx

Marley had seen this movie so many times she could probably recite it. So when it was nearly over, she found herself shutting her eyes and resting her head on Ryder’s chest, comforted by the feeling of his heartbeat against her cheek. His arm was around her snugly and his hand rubbed up and down her arm gently every now and then. It was really just very comfortable.

When she heard the credit music playing, she felt Ryder look down at her. “Marley?” he whispered. “The movie’s over. Are you asleep?”

Remembering her saying that she’d eat something after the movie, Marley decided to stay “asleep.” She kept her eyes shut and breathed in and out evenly. Ryder chuckled softly and laid the softest of kisses on Marley’s head. “You are the most beautiful and amazing girl I’ve ever seen,” he murmured. “I don’t know how I got so lucky.”

Marley fought the urge to smile. _No, I’m the lucky one._


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee or any of its characters.

“Marley! Time to go!” Marley took a deep, shaking breath as she attempted to put her backpack together. Her mom had been telling her it was time to leave for the past ten minutes, but Marley couldn’t seem to move any faster.

Christmas break had been a nightmare. The two weeks off hadn’t felt anything like a break. In fact, it had been downright hard work for Marley to not eat when her mother was there all day, every day with her. For the first few days, she had just assumed she would get away with it no problem, but while sleeping in got her out of breakfast, she found it hard to avoid lunch and dinner as well.

For a few days, she had pretended to be sick. It wasn’t hard. She usually felt sick as of late. Whenever her mom had made her soup or something of the sort, Marley could puke it back up without being nervous about her mom hearing, because…well, she was “sick.”

But after that lie had fizzled out (her mother said that maybe they should go to the doctor if she didn’t feel better soon), she had tried to make excuses to be away from the house at mealtimes. She’d go to the mall with Unique and tell her mom she’d eat there, while telling Unique she’d eaten before she’d left. 

Or she would eat, and then she’d run upstairs immediately, saying she needed a shower. The sound of the shower running, she’d found, masked the sound of her vomiting quite well.

Ryder had been on vacation out of state with his family for most of break. Marley had tried to fill the hole his absence had created by spending time with her friends—most of them were speaking to her again now that everyone had agreed to rejoin the glee club. She and Blaine had spent a lot of break hanging out together—except when he was in New York visiting his ex. They had worked on a lot of music together.

However, the one time they had started working on some choreography for fun, Marley had found herself very close to being found out. 

_“Okay, okay, we’ll try it,” Blaine was laughing as he pushed himself up off the bed where he was laying on his stomach, next to Marley. They had just been watching one of Vocal Adrenaline’s old videos, and wanted to attempt to mimic one of their moves._

_Marley got up too, biting back the nausea and dizziness that the movement created. Blaine held out his hand and she took it, letting him spin her in and then dip her down. “Bring up your leg,” Blaine reminded her and she did so. Blaine then pulled her back up and spun her back out, letting go of her hand, spinning on the spot and then positioning himself to catch and lift her into the air._

_However, the quick spinning and the changes in altitude proved too much for Marley’s body to handle. She stumbled a few steps away after Blaine released her hand, and then fell to the ground, everything going very fuzzy. Like, so fuzzy that she was sure that this must be her losing consciousness._

_“Marley!” she heard Blaine shout, all laughter gone from his voice. It was like hearing a voice coming through a long tunnel. Everything was happening in slow motion, and she felt Blaine leaning over her._

No, _Marley told herself, and forced herself to focus on Blaine’s face swimming above her. God, it hurt, but she forced her way back through the fuzziness, clinging to consciousness as though her life depended on it._

_Blaine’s voice became clearer. “Marley, can you hear me? Marley?”_

_“Oh…yeah,” Marley answered, her voice rough. “Yeah, I…I’m okay.” She started to sit up, but Blaine put a hand on her shoulder._

_“Take it easy,” he insisted. “Sit up slowly. What happened?”_

_Marley sat up slowly, Blaine supporting her back and holding her hand as he kneeled next to her. “I just, um…” Marley was thinking fast. “I tripped, when I spun out and I fell…and I got the breath knocked out of me, I guess, when I hit the ground.”_ Oh, good one, Marley Rose! _she commended herself._

_“I’m so sorry,” Blaine apologized profusely. “Totally must have been me, I probably spun you too quickly.” He cracked a weak smile. “I guess this is why we’re not the choreographers, huh?”_

_“I guess so,” Marley agreed, forcing a smile of her own to her face._

That had been the closest she’d come to fainting, but she’d gone through several more dizzy spells, having to stop and rest constantly. She was pretty sure that if something like that happened again, she wouldn’t be able to pull herself back again.

“Marley Rose, I will leave you here,” her mom called up the stairs again, only half-sounding like she was joking. “Come on, you look fine, I’m sure.”

Marley grabbed her bag and stumbled her way out of her bedroom.

xxx

“Marls!” Marley barely had a chance to turn around before she found herself being lifted into the air in a hug from Ryder Lynn. She laughed in disbelief as he spun her around in a circle a few times before putting her down and kissing her.

“Ryder,” she murmured, after they pulled apart. “I missed you.”

“So did I. Like crazy,” Ryder told her, grinning. “Texting and calling just isn’t the same as seeing you.” Ryder then seemed to really look at her. And he stopped smiling. “Marls, are you…are you all right?” he asked hesitantly, sounding very confused.

“What, do I have something on my face?” she asked self-consciously, reaching a hand up to wipe whatever it was off.

“No, you just…have you been sick?” Ryder asked, seeming like he didn’t know how to put this. “You…have you lost weight?”

Marley felt her heart beat faster. “Yeah, a little bit I guess,” she murmured, pulling on her oversized sweatshirt surreptitiously. “I was sick over break, had some sort of stomach bug.”

“Oh…okay,” Ryder said with a shake of his head, and smiled again. “I’m really glad to see you Marls.”

“I’m glad to see you too,” Marley assured him, glad that she had seemingly distracted him from her appearance.

But when he put her arm around her to walk to class, all he could notice was the boniness of her shoulders.

xxx

Marley rushed into the gym locker room a full four minutes later than everyone else, having been caught up in a conversation with Unique about what they were going to sing at this upcoming Sadie Hawkins dance. As a result, the other girls in her class were already dressed and heading out when she was just throwing down her bag. 

She hurriedly pulled off her top and jeans as she spun the lock on her gym locker. The only reason that she felt comfortable enough standing there in just her underwear and bra was because she was confident she was the only one in the locker room.

So what happened next surprised her a lot.

“Marley…” Marley jumped as she heard a voice say her name in shock behind her. She spun around, clutching her shirt over her chest, and saw Kitty standing there.

“Kitty!” she exclaimed. “What are you doing in here?”

“I…” Kitty seemed unable to speak for a minute. “This is the girls’ locker room. I forgot something in here after cheer this morning.”

“Right. Of course,” Marley said, feeling her cheeks burning with embarrassment. “Well, don’t mind me, I’m just late for gym.” Marley blindly grabbed for her gym clothes and started putting them on hurriedly.

“Marley, you look…” Kitty started to say, still looking shocked.

“Kitty, I really don’t have time for the insults today, okay?” Marley begged. She slammed her locker shut and jogged out of the locker room, pulling her hair back as she left, leaving Kitty standing there. Marley didn’t notice how guilty Kitty looked.

xxx

At lunch the next day, Ryder kept casting the occasional glance over at Marley, but she seemed to be eating easily enough. He was glad for that, and was ready to believe that he had only imagined that Marley looked drastically skinnier than before break.

“I’ll be right back,” Marley murmured to him, with about ten minutes left in lunch. “Gotta pee.” She kissed him and got up, leaving at a quick walk.

Ryder thought nothing of it, but then saw Kitty’s expression. She had been sitting on the other side of Marley, and was staring after her with a terrified and…guilty expression. “Kitty, something wrong?” Ryder asked.

Kitty snapped her gaze to Ryder instead, her high ponytail swinging behind her. “Ryder, I…” she started to say, but then seemed to get caught up thinking something. “Ryder, follow her,” Kitty insisted suddenly.

Ryder felt his heart drop. “Why?” he asked anxiously, sliding over a seat surreptitiously, so as not to interrupt the other conversations that were currently masking his and Kitty’s. 

“Just do it. Please do it,” Kitty insisted. “I saw her in the locker room, she’s…she’s so skinny Ryder, but I know she won’t listen to me.”

Ryder didn’t need to hear it twice. He got up from the table, his chair scooting back loudly on the linoleum floor. He raced out of the cafeteria, and down the hall. He headed to the bathroom behind the back staircase, the one he had comforted her in before break. The one that he now noticed was conveniently placed so it was out of anyone’s way to go to.

He opened the door quietly however, and tiptoed in. Listening closely, he heard it—the sounds of retching. He hurried around the corner and went down the line of stalls until he found Marley hunched over one of the toilets, her fingers down her throat, throwing up.

“Marley!” he exclaimed. Marley jumped, pulling her fingers out of her mouth but the action didn’t stop her heaving. Ryder kneeled quickly next to her and rubbed her back. “Marls, sweetie,” he said, choking back tears.

Marley finally finished gagging, and just sobbed. Ryder pulled off some toilet paper and handed it to her to wipe her mouth with, which she did. She threw it in the toilet and pulled the flush, and collapsed into Ryder’s arms.

“I’m so sorry,” she sobbed. 

“Why, Marley?” he demanded, trying to keep the tears out of his voice. “Marley, you are so, so perfect, why are you doing this to yourself?”

“I’m _not_ perfect,” she shouted, pulling away. “I’m the opposite! I’m just a loser! I’m going to end up just like my mom. I ruined Sectionals. I ruin everything! I don’t know why you’re dating me!”

“I’m dating you because I love you!” Ryder exclaimed.

Marley was taken aback. “You…you just said you love me,” she stammered out, wiping away her tears.

“Yeah, I did, didn’t I?” Ryder realized.

“I love you too,” Marley told him suddenly.

“You do?” Ryder said, shocked. Marley nodded, grinning at him. Ryder, grinning as well, pulled her back to him, hugging her fiercely.

Marley started shaking, and Ryder pulled her away again, sure she was sobbing. He was surprised to see her laughing. “What is it?” he asked, smiling despite himself.

“We just told each other that we love each other for the first time on the floor of a bathroom stall,” she giggled.

Ryder snorted as well and nodded. “Yeah, we’re kind of lame,” he agreed. Then he brought himself back to Earth. Remembered why they were in the bathroom in the first place. “Wait…Marley, stop. Marley, what you were doing, it wasn’t good.”

Marley stopped giggling abruptly and all the color drained from her face. “I know,” she said, her voice shaking. “I know, Ryder, I don’t want to do it. I don’t like to do it.”

“Then why?” Ryder asked desperately.

“ _Because_ ,” Marley spat, pushing herself up and walking out of the stall and away from Ryder. He stood as well, stepping out of the stall and watching her stare at herself in the mirror. “Ryder, I can’t even tell what I look like anymore,” she admitted to him quietly. “I just feel so ashamed about myself. I know that this isn’t right. I don’t want to do it anymore.”

“Marley, maybe we should go talk to someone about this,” Ryder started to say, but stopped when Marley whirled around to face him, her eyes wild with desperation.

“No, no, no, Ryder, please, I’m begging you, don’t tell,” she pleaded. “Please. Please don’t tell.”

“Marley, I love you!” he told her intensely. “And I can’t just stand here and watch you kill yourself!”

“Please, Ryder, I...you can’t tell. Please, if you love me…” Marley looked up at him with tears in her eyes.

Ryder shook his head. “That’s not fair,” he told her firmly. “It’s because I love you that I know I have to tell someone.” He looked into her shining eyes for a few seconds, and reached a hand to cup her cheek. He brushed away an escaped tear with his thumb. “I won’t tell,” he finally said. “But you have to. You have to talk to someone. Marley, you say you don’t want to do this anymore. You can get help. You just have to tell someone. Your mom. Finn. The school nurse, your doctor, anyone. Get help. Please, I’m begging you.”

Marley nodded. “I will. I’ll tell someone. I’ll get help. I love you so much, Ryder.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and stayed safe in his arms for a long time.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee or any of its characters.

Marley padded into the kitchen in her bare feet, already in her pajamas for the evening. “Mom?” she said hesitantly.

“Dinner’s almost ready, sweetie,” her mom replied, smiling over her shoulder from where she stood at the stove. “We’re having meatloaf.”

Marley’s stomach rumbled and her vision spun around for a second. “I…yeah, great,” Marley said absently, reaching out for her chair at the table, trying not to collapse into it. She sat there, staring blankly at the tabletop, lost for a minute in la-la land, clinging to consciousness by a very small thread.

When her mom placed a steaming plate of meatloaf, potatoes, and vegetables in front of her, it snapped her out of her fog. She glanced up at her mother and then back at the plate of food in front of her. The smell intoxicated her and her stomach grumbled again. “Mom, I want to tell you something,” Marley mumbled.

“What was that, Marley?” her mom asked, getting her own plate of food from the counter and coming over to the table again, sitting at her spot across from her daughter.

Marley looked up and saw her mother’s expectant look. And then imagined seeing it filled with the sadness and despair upon finding out how Marley was slowly starving herself to death.

She couldn’t do it.

“I really love the shirt you’re wearing today,” Marley said, choking back a lump in her throat and forcing a smile. She picked up her fork and took a tiny bite of food. “And I love your meatloaf, too.”

Mrs. Rose smiled. “Well thank you Marley. Eat up, there’s plenty.”

xxx

Marley was just washing her mouth out with Listerine when her phone started ringing. She glanced at the caller ID and felt her heart drop when she saw that it was Ryder. She spat out her mouthwash and, after gathering her courage, answered.

“Hello?” she answered, cursing the fact that her voice was still rough from throwing up.

“Hey,” Ryder’s soft voice came over the phone. Marley squeezed her eyes shut just at the sound of it, knowing what was coming. “Did you talk to your mom?”

“I…” Marley stammered.

She hesitated long enough for Ryder to understand. “You didn’t, did you?” he asked. “Marley, you said you’d talk to someone.”

“I was going to, I swear,” Marley told him. “But she was telling me earlier about how bad of a day she’d had, and she was finally cheered up and I just couldn’t look at her and tell her. Okay? It wasn’t…it wasn’t the right time.”

“Marley, there is no right time to talk about this,” Ryder said firmly. “You just have to do it.”

“And I will, I promise,” Marley assured him. “Maybe tomorrow.”

“Not maybe. You will,” Ryder told her, in a tone that made it hard for Marley to argue. “Marls, either you tell, or I will.”

Marley felt her chest constrict, painfully. “Y-you promised you wouldn’t,” she choked out.

“I’m giving you the chance to do it yourself. But if you won’t, Marley, then I won’t have a choice.”

Marley nodded anxiously, her chest still hurting. She could feel every single rapid thud of her heart. In fact, it was hurting a lot and it was kind of hard to breathe. She sat on her bed as nausea and dizziness fell over her and things got fuzzy for a minute.

“Marley?” Ryder’s voice on the phone sounded nervous and concerned. “Marley, are you there? Are you okay?”

Swallowing hard, Marley nodded again, then realized that Ryder couldn’t hear that. “I’m fine,” she said, her voice shaking. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine,” Ryder murmured.

Marley glanced at the door of her bathroom. “I know.”

xxx

Every day. Ryder asked her every day if she’d talked to anyone about her problem yet. And every day she always had some excuse—it hadn’t been convenient, someone had had a bad day, she was too tired to deal with it, she was going to, she was going to, just wait one more day and she would. 

It went on for a week

This particular day, a Monday, they were meeting for glee practice in one of the Spanish classrooms. “All right, so today,” Finn introduced, as the guys of glee took their seats while the girls waited in the hall. “Today, we have a special performance masterminded by two talented young ladies so they can ask their men of choice to the Sadie Hawkins dance--”

“Just hit it!” Brittany’s voice yelled from the hallway. The band started playing and Finn hurriedly took a seat.

Marley, choking back nausea and dizziness, forced a smile to her face as she followed after Brittany, performing _Tell Him_. She knew before she even got into the room that there was no way she’d make it through the performance.

Still, she did her best. She hit all of her notes, she danced like a crazy person, and put everything into this performance. It was for Ryder, after all. 

Noises, voices, the music, everything was sounding like it was far away. And she couldn’t see anything clearly unless she focused on it intensely. By the end, she literally felt her body shutting itself down. And on the last, ironically cheerful note of the song, she felt her legs give out and she face-planted onto the linoleum.

She couldn’t hear anything other than a loud buzzing. Faces swam above her—Ryder, Blaine, Finn—it eventually became too hard to distinguish one from the other, so she just closed her eyes and let oblivion wash over her.

xxx

Ryder was the first one out of his seat when Marley collapsed. As the girls were gathering around her worriedly, he shoved his way to her side. “No, no, no, no,” he murmured anxiously, desperately grabbing her hand. Marley’s eyes were half open—they were glassy-looking and unseeing. “Marley, sweetie, can you hear me? Marley, please just say something,” he pleaded.

“Everyone move back!” Finn was demanding as he and Blaine also kneeled at Marley’s side. Marley’s eyes had now slid shut. “Marley!” Finn called to her.

Blaine, astonishingly calm (Ryder remembered someone mentioning at some point that Blaine had EMT training), felt for a pulse, and then placed a couple of light slaps on Marley’s cheeks. “Marley,” he said very clearly and loudly. “Marley, can you hear me? Are you all right?”

Ryder nearly cried out with relief when Marley’s lashes fluttered open and she moaned aloud. “Oh, thank God, Marley,” he exclaimed quietly, planting a soft kiss on her forehead.

“R-Ryder,” she mumbled. “I …what…”

“Marley, are you okay?” Blaine asked again. “Can you hear me? Do you know who I am?”

“Blaine,” she told him, her eyes gaining more alertness. She tried to sit up, but three sets of hands reached out to stop her. 

“Whoa, take it easy, Marley,” Finn discouraged. 

“I’m fine, really,” Marley protested weakly, as she sat up. “I…I…”

“We need to get her to the nurse or something,” Finn said, and Blaine and Ryder nodded their agreement. They helped Marley to a shaky standing position, and then Ryder caught her as she started to sway and crumble again.

“Okay, nope,” Ryder said, and easily picked Marley up. He carried her, bridal style, towards the nurse’s office.

xxx

He sat on a bench in the hallway, nervously tapping his foot at a rapid pace. After depositing Marley into the care of McKinley’s latest nurse (a middle-aged woman who looked as though she couldn’t care less about any person in her office), he had been banished out here. Marley’s mom had come hurrying in a little while ago.

“Ryder, calm down,” Finn told him. Everyone else had been told they had to go to their next class—Finn had barely tried to persuade Ryder. “She’s been in there like five minutes.”

The door opened, and Ryder shot up from his seat. Marley gave him a weak smile, her arms folded over her chest. Her mom stood next to her with an arm around her shoulder.

“Everything’s all right,” Mrs. Rose said steadily enough. “Marley’s just a little dehydrated.”

Ryder felt his heart sinking and his face falling. He couldn’t believe it—she’d pulled off another lie.

“I’m really glad it’s not something serious,” Finn said, gripping Ryder’s shoulder and smiling. 

“The nurse said Marley should go home and rest for today,” Mrs. Rose continued. “I can’t leave, and I was just wondering…Finn, do you mind…?”

“Oh yeah sure, I’ll drive Marley home,” Finn agreed with a nod. “I don’t have anything to do until glee this afternoon anyway. C’mon, Marley.” Marley kissed her mom’s cheek and then, avoiding his eyes, Ryder’s. He managed to drudge up enough emotion to give her a quick hug, holding her tightly and trying to convey a message with no words.

“I love you,” she whispered to him.

“I love you too,” he assured her. He gave her a quick kiss and then escaped down the hall as soon as she was walking away with Finn.

xxx

Ryder’s phone vibrated in his pocket as he sat in the back row of class. He pulled it out to read a message from Marley.

_From: Marley  
I’m sorry. Are you mad at me?_

He closed his eyes for a minute and then texted her back.

_From: Ryder  
I’m disapionted._

_From: Marley  
I just couldn’t do it._

_From: Ryder  
Marls u faintd. howd you trik the nurs?_

_From: Marley  
The nurse just believed everything I said._

Ryder pursed his lips and shook his head before answering.

_From: Ryder  
Of corse. Marls, youv got to tell._

_From: Marley  
I will._

_From: Ryder  
Im starting to not beleev u_

_From: Marley  
:(_

_From: Ryder  
Tell Finn._

_From: Marley  
What?_

_From: Ryder  
Tell Finn. Rite now._

Marley didn’t text him back for a long time—his phone finally buzzed twenty minutes later as he walked to math.

_From: Marley  
I’m sorry._

And he knew she had once again not told.

xxx

Ryder didn’t go to his last class. He went to the guys’ locker room. Blaine, he knew, didn’t have a last period class, and he usually spent that free time between his seventh period and after-school glee practice either working on some music or boxing. And judging by the sounds of fists hitting a punching bag and the grunting coming from around the corner, Ryder had guessed right that today he would be boxing.

With one of his hands twisted in the strap of his backpack, Ryder rounded the corner to where the boxing equipment was set up. Yup, there was Blaine, the only person in the entire locker room at this time of day, wailing away on the punching bag.

“Blaine?” Ryder said hesitantly. Blaine didn’t appear to hear him, so Ryder tried again. “Blaine,” he called a little louder, doing his best to keep his voice steady.

The punches stopped and Blaine looked over. “Ryder,” Blaine said, looking surprised and breathing heavily. “Don’t you have class? Marley’s okay, right? She texted me and said she was dehydrated, that’s why she fainted?”

“Yeah that’s what she said,” Ryder agreed, feeling intensely conflicted. “Blaine, I…I’ve got a problem.”

Blaine started undoing the Velcro on his boxing gloves. “What’s up?” he asked, sounding concerned.

Ryder opened his mouth to answer and then shut it, pacing back and forth in front of the lockers. Blaine slowly set his gloves down on the bench and sat down, taking a sip of water as he watched Ryder with a confused expression. Ryder tossed down his backpack and ran his hands through his hair. He was so torn on what to do it was literally hurting him.

_I know what the right thing to do is,_ Ryder thought. _But am I betraying Marley’s trust by doing it? I told her if she didn’t tell, I would. But what if she hates me for this?_ He shook his head. _I love Marley too much to let her do this anymore. She could get seriously hurt doing this._ He stopped pacing and stared at the ground. 

“Ryder, you all right?” Blaine finally asked, having watched Ryder have this intense inner struggle.

“Marley’s killing herself,” Ryder said, his voice steady, but full of defeat.

Blaine was silent for a minute. “She’s what?” he finally asked.

Ryder looked up from the ground to see that all the color had drained from Blaine’s face. “She’s starving herself,” Ryder elaborated. “And making herself throw up too. She’s slowly killing herself and wasting away to nothing and I can’t watch her do it anymore.” Ryder didn’t even care when he felt his voice break and a tear fall down his cheek.

Blaine stood up slowly and walked over to Ryder. He gently placed a hand on Ryder’s shoulder. “I think you and I should go talk to Finn.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee or any of its characters.

Marley woke up slowly, rubbing sleep from her eyes. After Finn had dropped her off at home, she’d gone straight up to her room and collapsed in her bed. Upon opening her eyes, she realized that several hours had passed. She pushed herself up off of her bed and yawned, checking her phone. She had missed a few calls—two from her mom, one from Ryder, and one from Blaine.

She hopped off of her bed and padded down the stairs, yawning again as she clung to the railing for support. Turning the corner into the living room, she stopped short at what she saw.

Her mom sat on the couch next to Finn. Blaine was in the mismatching armchair, and Ryder had half-stood from where he’d been sitting on the edge of the coffee table. 

“What’s going on?” Marley stammered hesitantly, feeling her heart rate speed up to dangerous levels.

“Marley, why don’t you sit down,” Blaine suggested, getting up and gesturing to his chair. Marley, wild-eyed, walked to the armchair and took a seat, her whole body starting to tremble.

Finn glanced at Marley’s mom—who, to Marley’s horror, looked as though she’d been crying—and then cleared his throat. “Marley, Ryder came to me today and told me about your problem,” he told her gently.

Marley turned to look at Ryder, her hair flipping behind her. Ryder stared at the floor, his hands in his pockets. “Y-you told?” she whispered. She started hyperventilating and Blaine placed a hand worriedly on her back. “You promised me!” Marley exclaimed, her voice gaining volume.

“Marls, I-I,” Ryder hesitated. Blaine kneeled in front of her, taking her shaking hands in his.

“Ryder did the right thing, Marley,” Blaine told her gently. “He felt very conflicted about this, and I encouraged him to go to Finn about it. So if you need to lash out at someone about this, lash out at me.”

Marley blinked at Blaine, not understanding. “You told him to go to Finn?” she repeated. “Why?”

“Because you’re hurting yourself, Marley,” Blaine told her firmly. He held up her hand for her to see, showing her the boniness of her wrist. “This could really kill you, what you’re doing.”

Marley swallowed, nodding, not trusting herself to speak without crying.

Mrs. Rose sniffled loudly. “Marley,” she said tearfully, salty drops going down her cheeks. “Marley, my baby girl…I love you so much. You are the most beautiful, most perfect, most amazing thing that has ever been in my life. You are a perfect miracle, and you bring me happiness every day. And I can’t live with myself to know that you’re doing this to yourself.”

“Mom, I’m so sorry,” Marley apologized, her voice breaking before she could say two syllables, tears falling down her cheeks. Ryder hurried over next to her and sat on the arm of her chair, wrapping his arms around her. “I’m so sorry,” she kept blubbering over and over again.

“Don’t be sorry, sweetheart,” Mrs. Rose insisted. “I just need you to understand why this has to change. You are so important to every person in this room. That’s why we had to do this.”

“I wanted to tell you, I really did, I just…” Marley stopped for a minute to take a few deep breaths. Ryder rubbed her back as Blaine squeezed her hands and kissed them. “I just couldn’t.”

“We understand that you weren’t capable of telling us about it,” Blaine assured her. “And that’s why it’s good that Ryder decided to come forward with what he knew. This is out of your control, Marley. It’s not safe.”

Marley nodded in agreement, sobbing freely. “I want to stop,” she assured them. “I want to get better.”

“We know, love,” Ryder murmured in her ear.

“Which is why,” Mrs. Rose said, taking a deep breath to steady herself, “I made you an emergency appointment with an eating disorder specialist for this evening.”

Marley felt her chest constrict painfully. This was really happening. “D-do I have to?” she asked, not even expecting any different answer than the one she got.

“Yeah, you do, Marley,” Blaine answered for Mrs. Rose. “You want to get better, and this is the way to do it.”

Marley sobbed harder again, and would have crumbled over had Ryder not been holding her tightly. This was really happening. She was going to get better. 

But she knew it was going to be so, so hard.

xxx

The next day in the class period reserved for glee club rehearsal, everything seemed normal. Everyone was talking and laughing as they came into the choir room—except two people. Their fearless leader, Finn Hudson, was holed up in Mr. Schue’s office, and had yet to emerge. And Blaine Anderson was in a seat in the far back corner, seeming very lost in thought about something.

Ryder walked into the room right before the bell. His eyes seemed flat and tired, as though he’d tossed and turned all the night before. “Oh, excuse me, Mr. Bieber Head!” Unique walked over to Ryder, her heels clacking on the floor. “Just where, oh where, is your girlfriend? I have been texting her all night and day. I am worried about her, is she sick?”

“Yeah, I haven’t seen her since she face-planted yesterday in glee,” Tina commented.

“She was dehydrated, Finn already told us that, Tina,” Joe reminded her.

“You’d think she’d learn that you should drink water before you perform a number by now,” Sugar mused aimlessly.

“Well, she’s pretty much clueless about most things in performing; we already got that at Sectionals,” Tina smirked.

“Hey!” Everyone turned to see that Finn was standing in the door of the office. “Tina. You are being inexcusably rude, do you know that? Just because you are a senior does _not_ make you better than any other member of this glee club. Okay?” Tina looked guilty and sheepish. Finn sighed. “Guys…there’s some pretty bad news.”

“Oh my God,” Unique breathed, the worst scenario clearly playing out in her head. She slowly lowered herself into a chair, as though she was incapable of standing any longer. “Is Marley dead?”

“No, Marley’s not dead,” Finn said, but his tone made it clear that there still wasn’t reason for celebration. Finn looked at Ryder, who had taken a seat by Blaine in the back. “Ryder, do you want me to tell them, man, or…?”

Ryder shook his head. “I got it,” he said quietly. “I told her I’d say it.” He got up, receiving an encouraging pat on the back from Blaine as he did so. He made his way to the front of the choir room, and turned to face an eerily silent and clearly very scared New Directions.

“Yesterday,” Ryder began, trying not to let his gaze rest on any one member of the group for too long. “Marley was taken to an emergency consultation at Lima General, where she was diagnosed with anorexia.”

There were gasps all through the room. Unique had started to cry, and Joe was comforting her. Sugar, Tina, and Brittany all looked just…shocked. Sam’s mouth had dropped open and he was exchanging looks with Artie, who had a hand over his mouth in shock. Kitty looked close to tears, and Jake was staring at Ryder with an expression that almost resembled anger.

Ryder cleared his throat and continued. “She, uh…she’s been advised to take a week or two off of school, and is going to go through a partial hospitalization program that the Lima General rehab facility has. She’ll spend most of the day at the hospital, but she’ll still be allowed to go home at night. If she’s made sufficient progress—which she’s very determined to do, trust me—then she’ll be allowed to come back to school in no time.” Ryder bit his lip and glanced at the ground for a second before going on. “She said to tell you guys that…she’s sorry she hasn’t been answering any text messages you might have sent her, and to please not call for now. She just wants to take this time for herself. But if you have anything you might want to say to her—encouraging words, anything—I’ll be more than happy to deliver the message.”

“Is she okay?” Kitty asked, her voice obviously thick with emotion.

Ryder bit his lip again and hesitated. “She was severely underweight,” he finally said. “In fact, she was more than twenty pounds underweight, and the doctor said she might have done serious damage to her digestive system.”

“Oh my God,” Unique sobbed again, and Joe rubbed small circles on her back, soothing her.

Ryder folded his arms across his chest and nervously scratched his eyebrow. “She stayed overnight at the hospital last night because she was, actually, severely dehydrated and they wanted to get fluids into her. She started her first day of treatment today, and she’ll be allowed to go home tonight though.”

Kitty stood abruptly, her chair falling over backwards as she did. Her face had crumbled. “Kitty,” Artie said questioningly and worriedly, and reached out for her, but Kitty quickly ran from the room.

Ryder looked after her with his mouth half-open, and then looked back to the glee club. They merely stared back. “I’m gonna, uh,” Ryder said, gesturing faintly over his shoulder. “Follow her…yeah.” He left the room, not going any more than a quick walk.

He found Kitty easily enough. She’d barely gone any distance from the choir room and was collapsed against the wall around the corner, sobbing into her hands. She waved Ryder away as he walked up.

“Get away from me,” she demanded, crying.

“Kitty,” Ryder said awkwardly, his hands in his pockets. “Look, I know you feel bad. And I’m pretty freaking pissed at you, because you were always calling Marley fat, but I doubt you knew that she was going through this, so I can’t really blame you.”

Kitty’s crying tapered off and she raised her eyes in horror to Ryder. “You don’t _know_?” she whispered in horror. “She didn’t _tell_ you?”

“Didn’t tell me _what_?” Ryder asked tensely. “Just tell me what it is that you think she should have told me. Honestly, I’ve already had some of the worst news ever in the past few days, I doubt anything will shock me anymore.”

“I doubt that,” Kitty said hollowly. “Ryder, you say you can’t blame me for Marley’s eating disorder? _I gave it to her_ ,” she said desperately, leaning forward and pointing a finger square at her chest as more tears flowed unchecked down her cheeks.

Ryder felt all of his blood run cold and he actually fell back a step. “You…you what, what do you mean?” he demanded.

Kitty stood up. “I told Marley that she should make herself throw up. _I_ told her how, _I_ encouraged it, _I gave her laxatives._ And all those times I told her she was fat, I knew _exactly_ what I was doing.”

Ryder was struck silent.

“I didn’t mean for it to get this far out of hand,” Kitty insisted tearfully. “I never thought she’d have taken it this far. I was just so jealous, of her getting the role of Sandy, and breaking Jake and I up--”

“Are you _kidding_ me?” Ryder shouted. “You’re trying to turn that around on her? Jake broke up with you because you are an ice-cold _bitch_ , plain and simple Kitty Wilde!”

Kitty’s eyes were wide and still more tears fell down her cheeks as she backed up in fear, while Ryder advanced menacingly on her.

“You encouraged her to _throw up_ and told her she was _fat_ because you were _jealous_ of her?” Ryder yelled angrily. Footsteps were running down the hall as the rest of the glee club came towards the sound of Ryder’s raised voice. “Who the hell _does_ that?”

“Ryder, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean for this to happen--” Kitty tried to say.

Ryder whirled around and punched a locker that was next to him, just as Blaine and Sam were the first to round the corner, Finn and the rest of New Directions close behind. Kitty screamed as Ryder’s fist put a dent in the metal.

Sam and Blaine immediately jumped on Ryder, hauling him back, away from the lockers and away from Kitty. Ryder fought against them. “ _YOU NEARLY MADE MARLEY KILL HERSELF WITH THIS!”_ he roared. _“THINK ABOUT THAT, KITTY, THINK ABOUT IT! SHE COULD HAVE DIED!”_ He tried again to shake Blaine and Sam off of him, but they held tight.

“Calm down, man!” Sam shouted. “Chill!”

Other classroom doors were opening now, and more teachers and students were investigating the disturbance. Ryder felt his rage leaving him quickly, to be replaced by the sharp ache of despair he was learning to know so well.

“It’s not _right_!” he yelled in Kitty’s general direction, and stopped fighting altogether, falling against Blaine, who held him tight in a combination of a hug and restraining him. “It’s not right, it’s just not right,” Ryder sobbed, as Blaine and Sam pulled him away from the crowd that was growing around them.

xxx

At Lima General’s small rehab facility, in the eating disorder wing, it was breakfast time. All of the residents and the partial hospitalization patients were taking their seats after receiving their custom made meals from the counter.

Most were girls, but there were a couple of boys too. There was a range of ages, from what looked like no older than 13 to adults in their 30s. Some people sat in groups, talking and laughing while they ate easily. These were people who had been here longer, for whom eating was becoming easier.

Others were sitting at tables by themselves, or perhaps with another person. They stared at their food, or picked at it. Some of these patients were talking to the therapists who were available.

It was called the “Therapeutic Morning Meal.”

A woman in a smart, neatly pressed, professional yet casual outfit slid into the chair next to Marley. “Hey there,” she said kindly. Marley barely looked up, and instead kept staring at her plate. It was filled with scrambled eggs, an assortment of fruit, and toast. There was also a container of yogurt and a large glass of milk. 

The woman glanced at Marley’s tray too. “I know,” she said in an agreeing tone. “It’s a lot isn’t it? Especially for your first day.” Marley nodded, biting her lip. “And to know you have to keep it down too, right?” Marley nodded again, clenching her fists to stop her hands shaking under the table. 

“How about we just talk for a minute?” the woman suggested. Marley looked up at her. She had a nice smile, and pretty green eyes, and just…well, she looked like she cared. So Marley kept looking at her. “I’m Erin,” the woman offered kindly. “Your name is Marley, isn’t it?”

Marley smiled and glanced down at the name tag she had been given that morning at check-in. “Yeah, I’m Marley,” she told her.

“How’s everything going today, Marley?” Erin asked. “I heard you spent the night in the hospital.”

“I did, yeah,” Marley murmured, memories of a night of broken sleep coming to the surface. She had been hooked up to an IV that had poured fluids into her body. Machines had been beeping, and Marley had been uncomfortably aware of her mother’s presence all night. In fact, her mother had stayed with her all last night and this morning, until she had been forced to leave for work. “It was…pretty awful.”

“Mmhm,” Erin nodded. “Hospitals kind of suck. That’s why we don’t like to spend so much time in them. How did check in and vitals go?”

Marley recalled signing in for her first day in the program—everyone had been so cheerful and friendly, including the nurses who had taken her vitals. That had included weighing her, but Marley hadn’t been allowed to see the number—it was what was called an “invisible weigh-in.” 

“It was fine,” Marley said shortly, glancing back at the tabletop. She looked at the breakfast again. “Do I really have to eat all of it?” she blurted out.

Erin made a sympathetic face. “I’m afraid so,” she confirmed and Marley nodded, biting her lip to keep from crying. Erin reached out and grabbed Marley’s hand. “But you’re here because you want to get well, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” Marley answered without hesitating. “I want to get better.”

“You have people in your life that you love, don’t you?”

Images of Ryder, her mom, Blaine, Unique, everyone filled her head. “Yes.”

Erin smiled at her. “Then…for right now, just remember that you’re not only doing it for yourself, but for them too.”

Marley looked between the imposing breakfast and Erin’s smiling face a few times. She remembered Ryder’s face as he had said goodbye to her when she left for the hospital the evening before.

_“I just want you to be healthy, Marls,” he had told her. “I just want you to be okay.”_

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, closing her eyes for a minute. She knew she had to do this. She had to eat for Ryder. For her mother, for Blaine, for the rest of her friends—and most importantly, for herself.

With that in mind, Marley gave Erin’s hand a squeeze and then picked up her fork and took a bite.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee or any of its characters.

Ryder put up a few half-hearted struggles against Blaine and Sam as they pulled him away from the crowd and down hall, but mainly left his forehead resting on Blaine’s shoulder, trying to stop the tears from falling. He didn’t know if they were tears of sadness or of rage.

Clearly, Blaine and Sam had done some weird best friend mind trick to nonverbally agree on where to take Ryder, as they were very quickly in the boys’ locker room. “C’mon, bro, pull yourself together,” Sam encouraged as he and Blaine deposited Ryder onto a bench.

Blaine grabbed Ryder’s hand, the one he’d punched the locker with, and Ryder gasped aloud. Blaine winced sympathetically as Sam whistled in appreciation. “Damn, Ryder,” Blaine groaned. “Why’d you have to punch the locker?”

“It was either that or punch a girl,” Ryder muttered darkly.

Blaine and Sam exchanged a look. Blaine probed Ryder’s hand a bit more, Ryder wincing. His fist was already starting to bruise, and one cut across his middle knuckle was bleeding. “I don’t think anything’s broken, but it’s pretty beat up,” Blaine said. “Hold on a minute.” Blaine disappeared down the rows of lockers and Sam and Ryder heard him opening his locker.

“What was up with that, anyway?” Sam asked quietly. “I mean…I know Kitty’s a pain in the ass. What’d she do, say something mean about Marley?”

Ryder felt himself growing angry just thinking about what Kitty had told him. “She told me,” Ryder began, his voice dangerously low and his shaking hands slowly clenching to fists again. “She told me that she helped begin Marley’s eating disorder by teaching Marls how to make herself throw up. And then kept calling her fat in order to keep her doing it.”

Sam blinked in shock, clearly taken aback. Blaine’s locker slammed shut and he appeared from around the corner holding a small, clear plastic box. “What’s up?” Blaine asked, taking in Sam’s shocked expression, as he grabbed a chair and pulled it up in front of Ryder.

After hesitating a moment, Sam relayed, in a murmured voice, what Ryder had just said. Ryder just stared at his shoes, lost in his own thoughts again. Blaine glanced back and forth between Ryder and Sam a few times, clearly shocked by what he’d been told. Eventually he just shook his head, opening the box on his lap. “Just forget about it, man,” he told Ryder softly. “Marley’s getting help now; it doesn’t matter how it started.”

“You’re right,” Ryder surprised him by saying. “I know.”

Blaine and Sam exchanged another surprised look. “All right then,” Blaine said hesitantly. “Give me your hand.” Ryder complied and Blaine started cleaning up the one bleeding cut on Ryder’s knuckle. 

“It’s not Kitty’s fault,” Ryder said, staring at his battered knuckles as Blaine tended to them. Blaine looked up at Ryder in surprise. “It’s my fault,” Ryder continued. “I should have gotten a clue sooner. I should have said something sooner. Maybe if I had, it wouldn’t have gone so far, it wouldn’t have gotten so serious.”

“You cannot blame yourself, Ryder,” Blaine told him firmly. “None of us had any idea. Using that logic, I should be blaming myself. Marley and I spend plenty of time together—why didn’t I see anything?”

“Yeah, I mean, we all see her every day,” Sam continued. “None of us knew.”

“But I did know,” Ryder exclaimed, as though he had been bursting with this secret and was now unable to hold back anymore.

“Ryder, you came and you told Finn when Marley wouldn’t tell on her own. You did the right thing,” Blaine started to reassure him, but Ryder cut him off.

“I caught her throwing up in the bathroom before the opening night of Grease,” Ryder stated flatly. Blaine stopped wrapping gauze around Ryder’s knuckles to look up at him in surprise. “I talked her out of it then. I thought she was done with that. She told me she was, that it had been a one-time thing. But I thought that maybe she sometimes didn’t eat enough. And I noticed her getting skinnier. All the time. I just…I just thought maybe she was under stress. I did everything I could to convince myself she didn’t have a problem. I should have just said something at the very beginning!”

Ryder seemed like he wanted to say more, to throw more verbal abuse at himself, but he cut himself off and abruptly lowered his head, squeezing his eyes shut and breathing deeply, protecting himself from crying.

“Ryder, she was hiding it,” Sam stated. “Look, dude, I know you’re feeling really crappy and like the worst person in the world or whatever, but you can’t let your past actions hurt you. You’ve gotta stop beating yourself up about stuff that happened months ago and think about now.”

“Yeah, exactly,” Blaine agreed, gesturing to Sam. “Ryder…so maybe you should have said something back then. But you didn’t. You can’t change that. You didn’t know how bad it was or that it was even still happening. Think about this—if you hadn’t said anything this time, Marley could have ended up going on with this until she fainted again, or had a heart attack, or ruptured her esophagus from puking.”

“Don’t say that,” Ryder insisted, shaking his head. “I can’t even think—if something like that had happened…”

“But it _didn’t_ , Ryder,” Blaine continued, taping off the gauze he had wrapped Ryder’s knuckles with. “You did the right thing. You’re the reason she’s getting better at all. Keep that in mind.” Blaine patted Ryder’s newly wrapped up hand and Sam gave him an affectionate slap on the shoulder.

Ryder nodded and smiled sadly. “You guys are right. Thanks.” He drew his hand back to him and experimentally wiggled his fingers, testing his range of motion with the gauze. “And thanks for fixing my hand up too, Blaine. That’s a convenient first-aid kit you’ve got there.”

Blaine shrugged as he latched the kit shut and stood to go put it away. “Sometimes when I’m boxing my hands get beat up, even with gloves or tape, so I’ve got all the necessities for bruised and bloodied hands.”

“Well. Like I said. Convenient.”

Blaine disappeared around the corner as Sam and Ryder stood up. Sam clapped Ryder on the shoulder again, holding him at arm’s length to look at him. “You are really brave, you know, Ryder,” Sam told him. “I know if something like this happened to Brittany, I wouldn’t be handling it so well.”

Ryder chuckled and glanced at his wrapped knuckles again. “I’m not really handling it that well. You may have noticed the breakdown in the hallway, involving my yelling at a sixteen year old cheerleader and punching a locker?”

“Yeah well I’d handle it worse anyway,” Sam said with a smile. Ryder smiled back.

The bell rang as Blaine slammed his locker shut and came back around the corner. He and Ryder hugged quickly, Blaine squeezing him in a reassuring way. “It’s all gonna be fine,” Blaine told him.

xxx

Ryder suffered through an unbelievably uncomfortable glee club rehearsal that afternoon (made so much worse by the extremely noticeable absence of Kitty). As soon as they were released, he hopped into his car and drove immediately to Marley’s house, determined to be there to greet her after her first day of rehab. Marley’s sessions went from 8 AM to 5:30 PM, and Ryder had no idea what she did all day. He didn’t know if she would want to talk about it, or what. He just wanted to be there.

So that’s why he was sitting on her front step whenever Mrs. Rose’s car pulled into the driveway. He stood up anxiously, throwing his backpack over one shoulder. Marley got out of the front seat of her mom’s car, slamming the door shut with a surprising amount of force for a girl who had weighed in at only 100 pounds the night before. Her mom got out of the car more slowly, her face looking like she hadn’t had the most pleasant of drives.

Marley stalked over to the front door, not even acknowledging Ryder was there. “Hey, Marls,” he greeted, slightly put off by the angry vibes coming off of his usually sweet girlfriend. “How…how are you? How was your day?”

“My day?” Marley snapped. “Oh my day was great, thanks. I got to sit around with a bunch of therapists and talk about my feelings, and share my diagnosis with five million people, and eat like four meals.”

“Marley, two of those were snacks,” her mother reminded her, coming up to the front door to unlock it.

“Yeah. They make you eat not only breakfast and lunch, but a morning and an afternoon snack,” Marley continued, talking dangerously fast. “I felt like every five minutes we had to stop and eat.” Marley brushed passed her mother as soon as the door was open, leaving Mrs. Rose and Ryder standing on the porch.

Ryder glanced at Mrs. Rose, slightly bewildered. She looked at him sympathetically. “They told me this is sort of a normal reaction to the first day,” she explained to him.

With a sigh, Ryder followed after Marley, finding her lying on her side on the living room couch. He sat next to her head, brushing strands of hair off of her face gently.

Apparently, Marley wasn’t mad at _him_ specifically, as she scooted closer to him and laid her head on his lap while she curled her legs up to her chest. “Cheer me up,” she begged him. “Tell me about your day.”

“I doubt that will cheer you up,” Ryder dismissed, chuckling a little. “I had a pretty crappy day.”

“I just want to hear about anything other than my day,” Marley said, grabbing Ryder’s arm to pull it around her body. Ryder tensed a bit, realizing that his hand was still wrapped with gauze from his incident today.

Marley gazed at his injured hand after noticing it, and lightly ran her fingers over the gauze. “I guess you did have a bad day,” she murmured softly, then stretched out her legs and rolled over to her back, so she was looking up at Ryder from his lap. “What happened?” she asked, reaching up to tenderly brush his bangs away from his eyes.

“It’s not important,” Ryder insisted with a smile.

“Please tell me,” Marley murmured as she stared at his wrapped knuckles.

Ryder hesitated and then sighed. He directed his gaze ahead of him rather than down at Marley. “Kitty told me what she did,” he finally muttered.

Marley didn’t answer for a minute. But when she did, what she said surprised Ryder. “And just what did she do?” she asked.

Ryder looked down at Marley in shock, half-expecting her to be joking. But she looked up at him, totally serious. “What do you mean, what did she do?” he questioned. “She told me about how she encouraged you to start throwing up and eating less and all of that.”

“So?” 

Ryder ran a hand through his hair, not able to believe this. “So?” he repeated, bewildered. “Marley, she did this to you!” 

Marley sat up, and tucked her legs under her as she turned to face Ryder. “Ryder. Kitty did not do _this_ to me.” Marley gestured to her painfully thin body.

“Of course she di--”

“Ryder,” Marley interrupted. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned today, it’s that _I_ have a problem. Did Kitty put the idea in my head? Yes. But that’s all she did. _I’m_ the one who made the choice to follow through on it. Was Kitty in the bathroom with me, sticking her fingers down my throat? Did Kitty take my food away from me? No. That was all me. I’m the one who decided being skinny was more important than my health. I’m the one who let one idea get into my head, and drill away at me until it became lodged in my life as a full-blown mental disorder.”

“Marls…”

“I don’t blame Kitty,” Marley cut in again, shocking Ryder into silence. She looked totally serious, and like she 100% meant what she was saying. “I’m mad, that she felt like she had to say things like that to me, but I don’t blame her. Because I could have decided to ignore her and look in a mirror and see that I was fine. But I didn’t. And judging from the fifteen texts I received from Kitty today,” Marley added, pulling out her phone and showing it to him, “well…I’d say she regrets what she did and she’s sorry.”

Ryder numbly took the phone. There were messages from Unique and some of the other members of glee club (despite Ryder having said for them not to contact her), but by far the most were from Kitty. They all said things along the lines of “I hate that I made you go to this level” and “I’m so sorry and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive myself.”

Wordlessly, Ryder handed the phone back. Marley bit her lip and stared at her hands in her lap for a minute. “So, how did Kitty telling you about…what happened…end with you screwing up your hand?” Marley looked up at Ryder, suddenly looking scared. “Please don’t tell me you hit her or something, because Ryder, if you did, that’s so not cool.”

“No way!” Ryder exclaimed. “Marley, I would never hit a girl. My parents raised me better than that.” Ryder bit the inside of his cheek and looked down. “I punched a locker instead, and…well, lockers are pretty tough.”

With a laugh, Marley shook her head. “You’re ridiculous,” she commented. “Don’t do that again. Please.” She grabbed his hands and smiled at him. “I want you to be happy, okay? Everything is going to be all right.”

Ryder gave her a small smile, and leaned over to plant a small kiss on her lips. “How did you end up being the one reassuring me?” he murmured to her when they pulled apart, their noses touching.

Marley giggled. “Well, I can’t always be the mess, can I?” she whispered to him. “Tell me about the rest of your day. Less sucky parts of it,” she specified with a smile.

“Um…” Ryder thought. “We talked about some songs for the Sadie Hawkins dance in glee this afternoon,” he said.

Marley’s face fell, to Ryder’s surprise. “Oh Ryder…I have to tell you something. I found out that…well I’m not allowed to go to the dance.”

“Oh.” 

“Because, even though I’m still enrolled and doing all of my schoolwork with the tutors in the hospital program, there’s still this rule that you have to be _attending_ school to go to the dance and I’m considered ‘out sick’…Mom just told me today, she talked to Principal Figgins.” Marley frowned, her chin quivering. “I’m so sorry, I was looking forward to it.”

“Hey, it’s fine,” Ryder insisted. “Who wants to go to a silly dance anyway?”

“You’ll still go, of course,” Marley informed him. “Ryder, I don’t want you to not go just because of me.”

“Marls, why would I want to go if you’re not there?” Ryder asked her. “That doesn’t sound like any fun to me.”

“No, you have to go,” Marley maintained. “You’ll have fun.”

Ryder started to say something else, but Marley cut him off by placing a kiss on his lips. When they separated several long seconds later, he had quite forgotten what they had been talking about.

xxx

“Hey guys, dinner is ready,” Mrs. Rose said quietly, coming out to the living room while Marley and Ryder were snuggled together on the couch watching a movie. Ryder hit pause on the remote that was next to him.

“See, Mom, I was thinking about that,” Marley began slowly, and Ryder closed his eyes for a second to gather strength for what he was sure was about to happen. “I already had a _lot_ of food today, and I didn’t puke at all, and it’s only my first day. Don’t you think a real dinner is kind of pushing it?”

Marley clearly knew this was a losing battle from the beginning—Ryder could tell by the tone of her voice. But clearly, she felt obligated to argue against eating.

“Nice try, sweetie,” Mrs. Rose said kindly and with a smile. “You know what Dr. Martins said—you’ve got to follow your meal plan, which means you eat three meals a day, two snacks, and keep your meal log up.”

Ryder took Marley’s hand gently as she looked at him, and he nodded in agreement with Marley’s mother’s statement. Marley sighed, and stood bravely. Ryder stood as well, and they all walked to the kitchen together.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee or any of its characters.  
>  _I Only Have Eyes For You_ credit to the five million people who have sung it before, I don't know who it belongs to anymore. But it certainly isn't mine.

“Marley, do you want to share now?” Marley glanced up at Erin, the leader of her group therapy session and also the therapist who had joined her at breakfast the first day. She was smiling encouragingly at Marley, as were most of the other people in the circle of chairs.

It was now Thursday, Marley’s third day in the program. This group therapy was already one of her least favorite parts. The day was divided up into different sessions—they had their therapeutic morning and afternoon meals, personal sessions with the therapists who they were seeing, and a couple hours of tutoring if they were still in school. They also had heavily supervised and personally designed exercise time, which involved more weight lifting than cardio.

For the group therapy, patients were divided into groups based on age—Marley was in the 15-18 age group, and it was the largest, of course. There were nine other girls and one boy. It was exactly what was to be expected of a group therapy session. 

She even had to start out her sharing with a stereotypical greeting. “Hi, I’m Marley, I’m sixteen, and I was diagnosed with anorexia with a binge/purge subtype. I’m feeling okay today.”

“Is there anything bothering you that you’d like to talk about?” Erin asked. “Anything, doesn’t have to be ED related.”

Marley bit her lip. “I mean…a few days ago I found out…because I’m taking this time off of school, I’m not going to be allowed to go to the Sadie Hawkins dance tomorrow. And I’ve been…I’ve been really looking forward to going, with my boyfriend and my friends…it’s just…”

“Disappointing?” Erin offered.

“I guess,” Marley said glumly, thinking how inadequate the word felt in this situation.

“I get that,” said Rebecca, a pretty redheaded girl across the circle. If Marley remembered correctly, Rebecca was a 17-year-old bulimic, and she was a resident patient at the rehab. “Back when I first got diagnosed and sent here…realizing all the things I was going to miss out on…it just really _really_ sucks.”

Erin nodded. “Well the important thing to remember is that these aren’t the only fun things that will ever happen,” she said with a smile. “When you’re better, there will be more dances, and more time to enjoy with your friends and your loved ones. And now you’ll be able to enjoy it, rather than feeling dizzy and like you’ll faint, or worrying about how to avoid the snack table.”

Marley forced a smile and stared down at her hands as someone else in the group started to share.

xxx

“Blaine!” Marley exclaimed happily, when she saw her friend on her front step after answering the door that evening. She leapt forward, throwing her arms around his neck, and he squeezed her tightly back, laughing at her exuberance.

“Marley, I have missed you so much,” he said with a smile. “I was so excited when you asked me to finally come over.”

“I’ve only been gone for a few days,” Marley scoffed as she stepped back to let Blaine in the door.

“It’s seemed like forever,” Blaine complained, rolling his eyes. “What do I do without my duet partner?”

“Stop,” Marley giggled, lightly pushing Blaine’s shoulder. “I’m glad to see you too.”

She and Blaine went upstairs to Marley’s room, after Blaine had given Mrs. Rose a quick greeting. They both sat on Marley’s bed, facing each other.

“So the diagnosis was…” Blaine said.

“Anorexia, binge/purge subtype,” Marley answered automatically, playing with the edge of her skirt.

“Explain that to me,” Blaine requested, looking interested. “I mean…if you want to. I don’t want you to if you’re not comfortable talking about it.”

Marley chuckled. “It’s fine,” she assured him. “I’m fine talking about it. Basically…I thought I’d be called a bulimic. But apparently, textbook bulimics don’t restrict and starve on a daily basis, like I do. But they do throw up, like I do. It’s kind of hard to explain,” she said thoughtfully.

“So…basically you’re a mixture of anorexia and bulimia?” Blaine offered helpfully. 

“Yes!” Marley grasped at that. “Yeah, that’s actually exactly it. Oh, hold on, I remember reading something about it in one of the stupid pamphlets they made me take in the hospital the first night.” Marley leaned over the side of the bed and into her backpack, pulling out a pile of papers. She sifted through them until she found a pamphlet that had a logo for the Academy of Eating Disorders on the front.

“Here it is,” she said. “‘If an individual simultaneously meets criteria for both anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa, only the diagnosis of anorexia, binge/purge subtype is given.’” Marley closed the pamphlet and shrugged. “So, that’s that.” 

“Interesting,” Blaine nodded. “Here, turn around, I want to play with your hair.”

Marley grinned as she tossed the pamphlet away and turned around so she was sitting facing away from Blaine. He and Marley could never hang out for more than five minutes before he started playing with her hair. “You know, for a gay man, you sure have a thing about long hair,” she commented as Blaine started running his fingers down her long brown strands.

“I think it’s an all gay men thing,” Blaine joked. “That’s why so many become hair stylists.”

They lapsed into silence for a minute while Blaine started braiding her long waves. “Tell me about today,” Marley suggested. “I so miss real school.”

“Okay, uh, we had a test in English…” Blaine began. “I made a 100 on my history project…um, oh, I decided to go to Sadie Hawkins with Tina after all.”

Marley’s shoulders drooped. “Sadie Hawkins,” she moaned. “I feel so bad I can’t go.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Blaine apologized. “I forgot you wouldn’t be there.”

“Did they replace me in _Locked Out of Heaven_?” Marley asked.

Blaine bit his lip. “Yeah, Brittany’s singing your lead, and Kitty agreed to take Brittany’s place in backup. She finally came back to glee today after she realized that Ryder hadn’t told anyone else about her…involvement in the situation.”

“She’s not involved,” Marley declared sternly.

“Right,” Blaine agreed with reluctance. “Anyway, we don’t have to talk about the dance if it’s gonna make you sad.”

“It’s not even the dance, really,” Marley said. “It’s that I want to spend a special evening with Ryder.” Marley realized that she was speaking more easily to Blaine than she did to her therapist or support group.

“There’s prom?” Blaine offered helpfully. 

Marley looked at him over her shoulder. “Ryder and I are sophomores, Blaine.”

“In the student council meeting the other week, we were talking about letting underclassmen attend,” Blaine said with a shrug. 

“What makes it special, then?” Marley questioned, bewildered by the idea. “Isn’t prom supposed to be special because it’s only something that upperclassmen get to go to?”

“It just seems stupid, because people just end up inviting their underclassmen friends to come as dates anyway, and the underclassmen who don’t get invited end up left out,” Blaine explained.

Marley considered that. “Well, prom’s months away, anyway,” she mumbled, facing front of her again.

Blaine finished braiding her hair, and draped the finished product over one of her shoulders. Marley reached up and ran her fingers down it, smiling. “You’ll have plenty of special evenings with Ryder, don’t worry about it,” Blaine told her. “I heard that you might even be back in school next week?”

Marley grinned at the reminded. “Yeah, my therapist said that if I continue making progress, I should be allowed to leave the partial hospitalization program, and just go to sessions with her.”

Blaine gripped Marley’s shoulders and shook her gently back and forth to express his excitement. “Marley, that is so great! Good for you!” Marley, giggling, turned back around to face Blaine.

“C’mon,” she said to him, tapping him on the knee as she swung her legs over the side of the bed. “Let’s sing. Or something. Anything. Anything normal.”

xxx

“Marley?” Looking up from her book, Marley saw her mom in the doorway of her room. She was wearing a pretty blouse and nice slacks, and her hair was in a neat bun.

“Hey, Mom,” Marley greeted, pushing herself from her stomach to her knees. “You going somewhere?”

“One of the chaperones for the Sadie Hawkins dance backed out last minute, and they need a replacement,” Mrs. Rose explained. “Principal Figgins called in a panic, saying he’d pay me overtime to come and fill in.”

“Oh,” Marley replied, unable to keep herself from casting a glance at her closet door, knowing that the beautiful green dress she’d picked out a couple weeks ago for the dance was hanging in there, untouched. “I thought I still wasn’t allowed to be at home alone?” she asked, somewhat bitterly.

“You’re not,” Mrs. Rose agreed.

Marley’s face fell. “You’re not going to make me go to Grandma’s, are you?” she asked. “Mom, she makes me play bingo.”

“No, you’re not going to Grandma’s,” Mrs. Rose said, starting to smile. “But you won’t be by yourself, either.”

“Then who…” Marley trailed off as Mrs. Rose stepped aside, revealing who was standing behind her in the hallway. “Ryder!” Marley squealed, launching herself off the bed and into his open arms. “I didn’t think I’d see you tonight!” she gushed. “What are you doing here?” She pulled away from him, realizing that he was dressed in a very nice black suit. “You look great, are you on your way to the dance?”

Ryder shook his head. “Nope. I’m with you tonight.”

“But…I can’t go to the dance,” Marley said, shooting a look at her mom for confirmation of this.

“Unfortunately, no, you still can’t,” Mrs. Rose agreed. “I tried getting Principal Figgins to make an exception, but no luck.”

“Marley, I told you. I don’t want to go to any dance that you’re not at,” Ryder insisted. 

“Then why are you so dressed up?” Marley questioned, smiling as she ran a hand over Ryder’s tie.

“Well, a little birdie told me that you had a perfect dress picked out for the dance,” Ryder said slyly. “And that you now had no occasion to wear it.”

“Tweet,” Mrs. Rose joked. “I’m going to head out then, kids. _Behave_. Ryder…keep an eye on her.”

“Of course, Mrs. Rose,” Ryder agreed with a smile. Marley kissed her mom’s cheek before Mrs. Rose descended the stairs and they heard the front door close.

“So really, you’re a glorified babysitter,” Marley teased, running her hands up Ryder’s arms.

“I’m not exactly getting paid,” Ryder argued.

“I’ll pay you,” Marley murmured, one of her hands tangling into Ryder’s hair as she brought his lips down to hers for a kiss.

Ryder only let it last for a few seconds before pulling away. He waggled a finger in her face. “Ah-ah-ah,” he chastised with a smile. “You heard your mom. Behave.”

Marley grinned at him. “So am I really putting on my dress?” she asked, getting excited.

“Absolutely,” Ryder told her. “You and I have a reservation at Breadstix in an hour.”

Marley felt her heart go through a series of flutterings—not good ones. “I already ate dinner, you know,” she pointed out. 

“I know,” Ryder said. “We’re going for dessert.”

With a deep breath, Marley nodded. Every day she was feeling braver and braver about food, but dessert—real dessert—was something she had yet to conquer. But her therapist, Dr. Martins had said that it would be a sign of true progress if Marley felt capable of eating junk food or cake or ice cream, or anything really unhealthy and calorie-loaded like that. It seemed ridiculous, to say that was her getting healthier—that by being willing to put unhealthy things in her body, she was becoming more healthy—but whatever she had to do to prove that she was committed to getting better and was making progress, she would do, or at least try.

“I’ll be ready in no time,” Marley told Ryder with a grin. “I’ll just change and do my makeup.”

“Your mom said I have to stand outside your door and you’re not allowed to take a shower,” Ryder informed her, somewhat unhappily. “Also, you have to let me in as soon as your dressed.”

Marley felt her head come down from the clouds. “Right. The no-bathroom-door policy,” she said in a monotone. “You know my mom has to sit in my room while I take a shower with the door open, now?”

“Only for a little while, though, Marls,” Ryder told her. “Just until you’ve got your purging issues under control.”

“I know,” Marley sighed. “I’m just…I don’t like giving up the little bit of independence I once had.”

Ryder smiled sadly at her, and gave her one more sweet kiss. “Get dressed,” he told her, and then shut the door.

xxx

The waitress set Marley’s slice of chocolate cake down in front of her and smiled. Marley gave her a tight-lipped smile back. The waitress gave Ryder his cheesecake and then walked off, leaving the two lovebirds to themselves.

“You look so amazing,” Ryder told Marley for about the fiftieth time that evening as he picked up his fork.

Marley smiled slyly. “Now, are you talking to me or your dessert?” she teased, picking up her own fork.

“Mm, that is a hard question to answer, because this _does_ look _freaking_ good,” Ryder answered, and took a bite. He closed his eyes in pleasure. “And it tastes better. Oh my God.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Marley laughed.

“How’s yours?”

Marley bit her lip and took a deep breath. Ryder smiled encouragingly at her. She took a bite.

Oh Lord, it was like heaven. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d eaten chocolate cake, and it was like nothing she could imagine. But even as she was enjoying the sweetness of the chocolate, she could also practically _feel_ the calories and fat that were in the tiny forkful she’d bitten off.

_No_ , she thought. _I’m not going to listen to that. Dr. Martins said that I can choose not to listen to that. I_ love _this cake. And I don’t care how many calories are in it._

As if to solidify her resolve, she swallowed the bite, smiled at Ryder, and laughed. “Oh my God, it’s amazing.”

Ryder broke into a grin. “Great.”

Marley’s inner voice kept screaming at her as she took a few more bites of her cake, each more slowly than the last. She couldn’t help but start imagining this cake just sitting on her body as fat, weighing her down. Ryder, who had demolished his cheesecake slice, saw her turning her fork over and over in her hand, with half the slice still left.

“You can do it,” he encouraged softly.

With a deep breath, Marley took one more bite, and then another, taking a long time to chew and swallow each. When she had finally swallowed the second bite, she stared at the amount of dessert still left on her plate and shook her head, feeling tears of frustration springing to her eyes at her literal inability to eat anymore.

“I can’t,” she told Ryder. “I can’t have anymore. I’m sorry, Ryder, I did my best.”

“Hey,” Ryder murmured softly, taking the fork from her hand and setting it down on the plate and grabbing Marley’s hand. “It’s okay. You did _such_ a great job. Look at how much you ate! I’m really proud of you, Marls.”

Marley sighed and nodded, staring down at the table. Ryder squeezed her hand to get her attention again, and she looked back up at him. “I understand that this is a process,” he said softly. “I know you’re not going to get better overnight. You don’t have to try to bounce back to normal right away.”

With a smile, Marley blinked away her frustrated tears, and leaned across the table to brush her lips across Ryder’s. They were lost in their kiss for a moment when they were interrupted by a soft _hem hem_.

Looking up, they saw their waitress standing there somewhat awkwardly. “Can I get these out of the way for you?” she asked, gesturing to their plates.

“Oh, yeah,” Ryder said. “Go for it. Our bad.” Ryder and Marley avoided each other’s gaze for fear of laughing at themselves.

When their waitress had cleared their plates away, Ryder and Marley finally bust out into quiet giggles. “I’m so glad I’m here with you,” Ryder grinned.

“But weren’t you looking forward to performing at the dance?” Marley asked. 

“It’s cool,” Ryder insisted. “Jake took my place in _No Scrubs_ , and Blaine is singing my solo.”

“Ryder!” Marley exclaimed quietly. “You had a solo? You didn’t tell me!” 

“It was going to be a surprise,” Ryder admitted.

“You got a solo and you gave it up to hang out with me?” Marley asked, feeling touched.

Ryder squeezed her hand again. “Of _course_ I did,” he said. “I told you—the only reason I wanted to go to the dance was to be with you. And I wanted to do that solo so I could sing it to you. Why would I want to do it if you weren’t even there?”

Marley noticed the karaoke machine being set up on the stage. She realized something. “Oh gosh,” she murmured with a chuckle, glancing down at her and Ryder’s joined hands to hide her slowly growing grin.

“What?” Ryder asked, a cheeky grin coming to his face as he realized what she had noticed.

“It’s Friday night…at Breadstix,” she said to him, smiling despite herself. “You didn’t by any chance know that meant karaoke, did you?”

“What? Me? No!” Ryder laughed. 

“Hey guys, it’s now 8, which means it’s time for karaoke,” the DJ said into a microphone. “And first up, we have…Ryder Lynn signed up.”

Ryder winced with a smile. “Ooh, caught red-handed, aren’t I?” he teased. “You sit right here, Miss Rose, and let me serenade you now.”

Marley cupped her hands over her mouth to hide her exuberant grin as her beautiful boyfriend took the stage, not needing the karaoke machine for the song he sang.

_“My love must be a kind of blind love. I can’t see anyone but you.”_ People smiled and laughed as Ryder pointed directly towards Marley. She felt herself going gooey inside. Marley clasped her hands together and held them up to her chin, knowing she must look the picture of love-struck. 

Ryder grinned back at her as he swayed in time to the music. _“Are the stars out tonight?”_ he crooned into the mic. _“I don’t know if it’s cloudy or bright.”_

_“I only have eyes for you, dear._  
The moon may be high  
But I can’t see a thing in the sky  
I only have eyes for you.” 

Ryder took the microphone out of its stand and made his way off the stage, not taking his eyes off of Marley as he sang the next few lines. 

_“I don’t know if we’re in a garden  
Or on the crowded avenue.”_

Ryder stood in front of Marley and reached out to brush her hair over her ear as he sang to her.

_“You are here and so am I._  
May be millions of people go by.  
But they all disappear from view.  
And I only have eyes for you.” 

Marley couldn’t help but keep grinning as Ryder sang to her. It didn’t even matter that there were people watching—just like the song said, they all seemed to disappear.

_“I only have eyes for you,”_ Ryder finished, and then placed his lips on Marley’s in a kiss, both of them oblivious to the scattered applause from the other Breadstix patrons.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee or any of its characters.

“What do you mean, I can’t go back to school tomorrow?” Marley asked, gaping at her psychiatrist, Dr. Martins. “Y-you said if I kept trying…you said if I made progress that I could go back in a week! That’s a week tomorrow.”

The middle-aged, grey-haired woman sighed, clasping her hands together and nodding. “I know, I did say that,” Dr. Martins agreed. “Unfortunately, after your weigh-in this morning, you were still under what we’d like to see you at before we release you from the program.”

“That’s not fair,” Marley declared, folding her arms and leaning back in her chair. “I want to leave. I’ve done so much, I’m trying so hard. I _know_ I’m gaining weight, even if none of you will let me _see_ my weight. I can just feel it. I’m eating, I’m keeping everything down, and you still won’t let me go back to school?”

“Marley, it’s just what we think is best for right now, okay? A few more days. Maybe you can go to school by this Thursday. I’m sure you’ll be ready by next week if you continue this same way.”

“It’s not fair!” Marley exclaimed, tears of frustration flying to her eyes. “I miss my friends! I miss glee club, I miss everything!”

“You do know you can still see your friends, right Marley?” Dr. Martins pointed out kindly. “No one’s stopping you.”

Marley shook her head. “No…I’ll see Ryder, I have to, I couldn’t survive without him. And I’ll see Blaine, because he understands everything. But…I can’t see my other friends when I’m…when I’m basically in the hospital. I’m afraid…that they’ll be uncomfortable. That they’ll think I’m…damaged or something.”

Dr. Martins leaned forward in her chair, towards Marley. “They’re your friends, Marley,” Dr. Martins said kindly. “They want to support you, I’m sure.” Marley didn’t answer, just stared at her hands. “Maybe that’s what we should talk about next?”

Marley looked up at Dr. Martins. “I really can’t go back tomorrow?”

With a kind smile, Dr. Martins shook her head. “Let’s just wait a few more days, okay?”

xxx

That was definitely the start of Marley’s worst day since starting treatment.

All the time that she’d been in this program, that whole week (today marked one week since her fainting spell in class and her subsequent diagnosis), she’d been looking forward to Tuesday as her day of liberation. She’d imagined it a million times as she lay in bed each night. She’d be back at school, going to class, singing in glee club, holding Ryder’s hand and wearing his letterman jacket as they walked down the hallway…it would all be normal again.

And now that idea had just been torn away and stomped on.

Before she’d had her personal psychiatrist session, Marley had already gone to breakfast, her weights session, and had her morning snack. Now, as she received her tray from the kitchen window for lunch, she felt her stomach in knots just looking at her food. A turkey sandwich with lettuce and tomato on whole wheat bread, an apple, some baked potato chips, and that ever-present glass of milk.

Marley ignored the girls (including the redhead Rebecca) waving her over to eat with them. She sat down at a secluded table by herself and grimaced at her food, as though her facial expression could scare it away.

_I’ve been eating,_ she complained internally. _And it’s not doing any good. Why am I bothering?_

She couldn’t. She just couldn’t eat it. What’s more, she didn’t want to eat it. And after deciding this, Marley pushed the tray away loudly and abruptly, crossing her legs and her arms and leaning back in her chair, the image of defiance.

Erin was sitting next to her in the blink of an eye. “Something wrong, Marley?” she asked gently. 

“I’m not doing it,” Marley said, keeping her face as expressionless as possible. “I’m not eating it. It’s not helping me, and you can’t make me do it.”

Erin let out a silent sigh that made it look as though she was deflating a bit. “Oh Marley,” she murmured, more to herself than anything, sounding disappointed. “You were doing so well…” Erin shook her head and looked Marley in the eye. “Honey, this is helping you. And I know you understand that.”

“I was supposed to go back to school tomorrow,” Marley fumed. She was angrier than any time she remembered. “They said I would go back to school tomorrow.”

“That was a maybe, Marley,” Erin explained. “And you know that it was a very big maybe. Sweetie, you won’t be able to go back to school ever if you don’t keep eating.”

“You can’t make me do it,” Marley objected, her voice tearful.

Erin sighed again, gathering her strength. “You’re right,” she admitted. “I can’t make you eat. But if you don’t, you won’t be able to go back to school. You’ll get put in the hospital where they’ll force feed you through a tube. And you can ask any of the anorexics here who have been through it, that’s not fun. It’s not something you want to experience.”

Marley glared at Erin, feeling cornered. “I don’t have a choice, do I?” she asked snippily.

“You’ve always had a choice, Marley,” Erin reminded her gently. “You just need to follow through on your choice to get better.”

xxx

Ryder pulled up in front of Marley’s house that evening as usual, bursting with the news that they had been told today. The case on the Warblers’ alleged drug use was going to trial, and they would know by the weekend if they were going to be disqualified. As the second place group, the New Directions would therefore take the Warblers place going to Regionals.

He knew Marley would be so excited, especially since she was supposed to be returning to school the next day. Ryder hurriedly put his car in park in front of the house and jogged up the front walk, pressing the doorbell eagerly.

Mrs. Rose answered the door. “Ryder,” she greeted with a small smile. 

“Hey, Mrs. Rose,” Ryder smiled back, but then his smile faded as he realized that Marley’s mom looked a bit…pained about something. “Is something wrong?”

“Marley had…a bit of a bad day today,” Mrs. Rose explained quietly, looking over her shoulder as she did so, telling Ryder that Marley was not far away. “She found out that she wouldn’t be going back to school until later this week…maybe not even until next week.”

“What?” Ryder said, crushed. “I thought she was supposed to be coming back tomorrow?”

“Well, they decided she still wasn’t ready to go back, and Marley didn’t take it well,” Mrs. Rose continued, sighing. “She apparently refused to eat lunch, and it took them two hours to coax her into eating everything on her plate.”

Ryder felt himself get pale. “But she ate, right?” he asked quietly, trying to keep his voice calm.

“Of course,” Mrs. Rose confirmed. “It just…took her a little longer than it has been.”

“Mom, is Ryder here or not?” Mrs. Rose looked over her shoulder as Marley’s voice wafted through the foyer from the living room. “I can tell him about my own issues, you don’t have to debrief him at the door.”

Mrs. Rose winced, and stepped aside, gesturing for Ryder to come in. He hurried over the threshold and through to the living room, where he found Marley curled up in a corner of the couch, staring at the television set. It was playing _Enchanted._

“Hey, I love that movie,” Ryder commented, smiling as he sat next to Marley, placing a kiss on her cheek.

“I know,” Marley replied automatically. She relaxed her rigid positioning to snuggle up closer to Ryder. “I guess you heard about my meltdown today.”

Ryder just shook his head. “It’s not a big deal,” he assured her. “Remember—it’s not an overnight change.”

“I’m trying,” she whispered. “I don’t know why I can’t do this.”

“Wrong,” he answered back, booping her nose with his index finger. “You _can_ do this. I promise you. You just have to take your time.”

“I wanted to come back to school tomorrow,” Marley murmured. 

“I know you did, love,” Ryder answered, kissing her cheek again, and lacing his fingers through hers. “But school will still be there when you get better.”

“I know about the trial by the way,” Marley commented, shocking Ryder. He pulled away from where he’d had his head on her shoulder and looked at her in surprise.

“How?” he asked.

“It was on the local news earlier,” Marley said. “It was on the television in the common room at rehab during free activity today.” She paused and then added, “Also, Blaine texted me.”

“What? He said I could tell you!” Ryder exclaimed, but then squeezed Marley’s hand. “I hope you’re not upset.”

“No, I’m not,” Marley surprised him by saying. “I know you’re right. I know that school, and glee, will still be there when I’m getting better.” Marley trained her eyes on the screen as Amy Adams broke into song, and Ryder saw Marley’s free hand clench into a quivering fist. “It is just so hard,” Marley said, sounding like she had to work hard to get out each word without crying.

Ryder brought Marley’s other hand, the one he was holding, to his lips and kissed it. “Hey, let’s go for a walk, okay?” he suggested. “That’ll get your mind off of things.” Ryder had a feeling that one of the things that Marley was missing most was glee club, and he knew watching a musical with singing and dancing was not going to help her at the moment.

Marley nodded, biting her lip, and hit the power button on the remote. She let Ryder help her up from the couch and then, after telling her mother where the two of them were going, followed him out the front door.

xxx

“This is sort of a sad excuse for a playground,” Marley joked, as she and Ryder came around the corner of her neighborhood. She had mentioned that there was a playground a few blocks over, and Ryder had of course immediately determined that’s where they should go. The place was empty of children, and had only three swings, a set of rusty monkey bars, an old roundabout that looked to be dangerously tilted on its axis, and a slide.

“Are you kidding?” Ryder said excitedly. “Oh, this’ll be fun, come on!” He tugged Marley towards the swings, plopping himself down into one. He immediately began pumping his legs to gain momentum. “C’mon, Marls!” he called, pointing at the swing next to him.

Marley couldn’t help but grin at her boyfriend’s childish antics. “Hold on to the swing!” she scolded as she laughed, gesturing wildly at him. He grinned back at her and took away his other hand, so for a split second he wasn’t holding on at all, but immediately grabbed the chains again so he didn’t actually fly out of his seat. Marley laughed and pulled Ryder’s letterman tighter around her (when they had gotten outside, she had discovered it to be a bit more chilly than expected, but rather than go back inside for a jacket, Ryder had grabbed his letterman from his car for her, claiming his hoodie was warm enough for him), and then sat in the swing that Ryder had pointed out for her.

“Bet I can swing higher than you, Lynn,” she taunted, pumping her own legs to propel her swing back and forth.

Ryder looked at her with a grin and wild eyes. “Oh, don’t start a challenge, Rose,” he laughed. “I’ll take it. I’ll take it seriously.”

“Good!” Marley called back, concentrating on making her swing catch up to the height of Ryder’s. Ryder grinned back at her and then looked forward, focusing on his swinging.

They laughed and traded taunts for a few more minutes, their swings both flying high through the air. Marley twisted around in her swing to stick her tongue out at Ryder, and felt herself slide right off the seat.

She gave a small shriek, and clung to the chains, dragging her feet in the ground to stop herself so she didn’t go flying off through the playground. As soon as her swing was safely stopped, she burst into giggles, Ryder laughing as well, despite his exclamations asking if she was okay. 

Ryder slowed his swing as well, and got off, coming to stand in front of Marley, laughing hard at her clumsiness. “You okay?” he snorted, grabbing the chains of her swing as well and leaning slightly down towards her.

Marley could barely get words out, she was laughing so hard. “I’m fine,” she finally managed to gasp out. “Oh my gosh, I just slid right off. Oh my God I could have died.”

“How did that even happen?” Ryder chuckled.

“Well, in case you missed the memo, I don’t weigh all that much,” Marley joked, surprising both herself and Ryder with the candidness with which she spoke. She paused for a moment and then moved past her comment, laughing again.

Ryder laughed too, albeit a bit less enthusiastically than before. “Well, you didn’t die, and I believe that since you stopped before I did, that means I won the bet.”

“Nu-uh!” Marley objected, grinning at him. “Just because I stopped first doesn’t mean you were swinging higher than I was, and _that_ was the bet.”

“Well, by stopping, you disqualified yourself,” Ryder contested.

Marley laughed at him and shrugged, rolling her eyes. “Fine. You won the bet. Do you get a prize?”

“I do,” Ryder said. “This.” He leaned down and enveloped Marley’s lips in a deep kiss.

When they pulled apart, Marley grinned at him again. “You know, you don’t have to make a bet in order to kiss me. You could have just asked.”

“Eh, it’s nice to win things,” Ryder commented with a smile. He grabbed Marley’s hand, pulling her over to the turnabout. “C’mon, get on!”

“Oh my God,” Marley said with a giggle as she stepped onto the contraption. It felt a lot sturdier than it looked, thankfully, and she sat down next to one of the handles and gripped it tightly. “Don’t spin it too fast!” she begged Ryder as he grabbed the handle and started running.

“No promises!” he shouted, and Marley smiled. His hair was being whipped into a bit of a frenzy with the wind and running, and it was all tussled on top. Marley grinned fiercely, but then had to focus on holding on tight. 

“Oh my God!” she exclaimed, as Ryder got the roundabout going incredibly quickly. He hopped on, standing at the handlebar, both of them laughing like little kids while they spun themselves silly.

They went through this process a few more times, taking turns spinning the roundabout, before they headed, giggling, over towards the monkey bars. 

The monkey bars were the straight across kind, and Ryder immediately leapt up to grab one of the bars. His feet were barely off the ground (if he had let them dangle they would have been touching the ground, but he crossed his ankles and bent his knees a bit). He started going across, no problem, while Marley gaped at him. When he jumped off at the end, he looked back at Marley, who was staring. “What?” he asked, a grin slowly coming across his face.

“I can’t do that,” she complained. “Stop being so impressive.”

“You can’t do the monkey bars?” Ryder asked, laughing.

“Stop laughing!” Marley demanded, trying and failing to keep her smile off her face. “I’ve never been able to. I have like zero upper body strength.”

Ryder approached her, placing his hands on her waist. “Well, like you said,” he began, guiding her underneath the first bar. “You don’t weigh that much.” He lifted her up, and she grabbed the bar out of reflex. 

“No, Ryder, I’m going to fall down!” she laughed, trying to cling to the bars.

“Marls, your feet are barely off of the ground,” he informed her as he grinned up at her. “I won’t let you fall anyway. Come on, grab the next one!” He kept his hands on her waist as she reached out for the next bar.

“Ryder, this is ridiculous!” Marley giggled as she went across. “You are basically carrying me right now.”

“I so am not,” he objected. “This is all you. Look at you! You are so awesome! You got this! Go team Marley!”

“Stop!” Marley laughed, finally reaching the last bar and letting go. Ryder let her slide down so she was standing on the ground, wrapped in his arms.

“I knew you could do it!” he exclaimed softly, kissing her cheek. “See, it’s easy!”

“That so did not count,” Marley continued objecting. Ryder silenced her with a kiss. “That’s not fair, you can’t do that every time I disagree with you,” she scolded when they broke apart a few seconds later.

“Hey, it works,” Ryder said with a shrug, wiggling his eyebrows at her. He began to lean in for another kiss, but then saw something over Marley’s shoulder, and his grin disappeared and his eyes narrowed.

“What is it?” Marley asked, turning around, with Ryder’s arms still wrapped around her waist.

A white suburban had pulled over to the curb a few hundred feet away and was idling there. Suddenly, the passenger side door opened, and something was tossed out. The door then slammed and the car started away.

Both Marley and Ryder heard a pitiful _meow_. “They just dumped their cat!” Marley gasped. Ryder released her and took off at a run after the car, while Marley hurried to the poor cat that was sitting looking offended and abandoned in the grass.

She knelt next to the cat, and, after a moment studying her, it started rubbing against her hand. The cat was a beautiful brown tabby, fully-grown, with shiny amber eyes. A purr rumbled through the animal as Marley stroked the soft fur.

Ryder came jogging back over to her. “He sped up when he realized I was following him,” Ryder told her, breathing heavily as he leaned forward with his hands on his knees. “It was a guy in the driver’s seat, that’s all I saw. I couldn’t catch up to him.”

“Look at this sweetheart,” Marley cooed, petting the cat still. “Oh, she’s so beautiful. Why would anyone abandon her?”

Ryder shook his head, catching his breath and kneeling next to Marley. The cat transferred her attention to the new person, inspecting him thoroughly. “I don’t know. People are jerks.”

“We can’t just leave her here,” Marley said softly as the cat came back to her, rubbing against her hand.

“Yeah, I know,” Ryder agreed. “I’d take her home, but I don’t think Jazzy would appreciate it.” Ryder already had a cat—a pretty, all-black girl named Jasmine and affectionately called Jazzy or Jazzy-cat.

“I want her,” Marley surprised herself by saying. She gently picked the pretty cat up in her arms, cradling her and listening to her purr. “I’m taking her home.”

“Are you sure, Marls?” Ryder asked hesitantly. “Cats are kind of…I mean…”

“You’re worried I won’t be able to afford taking care of her,” Marley said quietly. Ryder didn’t answer. “I’ll manage. I’ll get stuff from Brittany, and find a cheap vet and all of that. I can’t…I can’t leave her…” Marley felt a bit embarrassed by her sudden attachment to this animal. “She got _abandoned_. Her daddy took her here and dumped her. I know what it feels like to have your daddy not care,” Marley murmured a bit more quietly.

Marley’s dad was never really mentioned. She usually spoke to him once a year, on her birthday, when he called. She hadn’t even spoken to him since her diagnosis, though she knew her mom had called and left messages for him. He lived states away, with a new wife, and didn’t care to have any custody rights over Marley. He paid his child support in every month, and that was that.

Ryder smiled sadly. “You should take her,” he agreed. They stood, Marley holding her pretty new cat in her arms, and started walking back towards Marley’s house.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee or any of its characters.  
> I do not own any songs mentioned in this chapter.

Monday morning. It was now two weeks since her collapse in glee club, two weeks since she had been in school. She’d been in the program for a week longer than she’d expected, but now she was finally ready to leave.

She traced the numbers on the paper in front of her. The number that determined that she was allowed to leave the program.

“110 pounds,” she murmured to herself, not knowing if she should cry or laugh. She bit her lip and looked up at Dr. Martins. “Is it even healthy to have gained ten pounds in two weeks?” she couldn’t help but ask the psychiatrist. “Don’t think this is me having a relapse or something, I just want to know.”

Dr. Martins nodded. “Marley, you were twenty-two pounds underweight when you came in for treatment. One of our goals has been to get you to a healthier weight as soon as possible. You know you’ve been on a specialized diet since beginning treatment. Because your body has become used to receiving little to no nutrition over the past few months, even a normal calorie-intake level is going to cause rather rapid weight gain. You don’t need to worry. Soon, everything will even out, especially once you get to a normal weight.”

Marley nodded bravely and her mom, sitting next to her during this consultation, patted her daughter’s knee. “So that means she can go back to school though, right?”

Folding her hands on her desktop, Dr. Martins smiled slowly at Marley. “Yes, we feel confident that Marley can leave the partial hospitalization program and start regular weekly sessions with a therapist.”

Marley felt her face break out into a grin. “That’s so great!” she blurted out. “Could I go back today?”

Mrs. Rose chuckled. “School today has already started. Let’s just make a fresh start tomorrow.”

With only a small sigh, Marley nodded. “Thank you so much Dr. Martins,” she thanked her psychiatrist profusely, shaking the older woman’s hand. Mrs. Rose shook Dr. Martins hand as well and the mother and daughter pair left the rehab for hopefully the last time.

“I’ve got to call Ryder, and Finn,” Marley said, looking at her watch. “I’ve got to let Finn know not to plan on Regionals without me, now that we’re back in the competition.”

“Oh, that’s going to be so exciting!” Mrs. Rose started gushing again, as Marley pulled out her cell phone. “I really can’t believe show choirs use performance enhancing drugs though.”

“Well, it happened,” Marley replied, searching for and pressing ‘Finn Hudson’ in her contacts list. “And now, New Directions will go to Regionals—with me too.”

xxx

The choir room was filled with excited chatter, everyone discussing the exciting news that they were now going to Regionals after the disqualification of the Warblers that had become official only two days ago. Finn Hudson, just entering the rom, smiled softly at the conversations, and made his way to the white board. He pulled out a marker and wrote a single word on the board.

People shushed each other as Finn underlined the word and turned to face the members of the glee club. “Support,” he read, tapping the board with the end of his marker. “I know everyone is really excited about getting to go to Regionals. We are a team. But…mostly, we’re a family. I know that when I was in this room, some of us went through some pretty rough times. And when someone did, every person in this room was there for them. We pick each other up when we fall—it’s just what glee is about.”

Finn paused to let those words sink in. He’d been rehearsing what to say all morning, since he’d received Marley’s excited phone call. He was glad he’d been able to reproduce the speech he’d come up with in an ungarbled fashion. “I got a call from Marley this morning, and she’s going to be back in school tomorrow,” Finn announced next, receiving looks of surprise and happiness from the group, along with a few murmurs breaking out. “I know everyone’s excited to get working on stuff for Regionals, but I think we should devote this week to supporting our fellow teammate and family member. I think it would mean a lot to Marley if you guys prepared some songs—in groups, or by yourselves—to show Marley how you’re behind her, and will be there for her.”

Words of agreement broke out through the room, and Blaine and Ryder exchanged a grin. Marley had called both of them that morning to let them know that her sentence was up and she’d be back in school the next day.

“Hey,” Blaine murmured, as everyone broke out into excited talking again, this time about the week’s assignment. “What are you going to sing? I’m assuming you already picked something out.”

Ryder smiled. “Of course I did. I’ve been wanting to sing this song to Marley for a while— _Your Song_ , Elton John? I think it’s just…one of the most romantic songs ever. It really sums up how I feel about Marley.”

“Oh, that is so sweet,” Blaine agreed. “I’ve decided I’m going to sing the _Friends_ theme song, by the Remembrandts?”

“Marley loves that show,” Ryder commented, smiling. “She’ll love that.”

“Yeah, we watch it together all the time, and we’re always singing the theme song, so I know she’ll love it,” Blaine smiled. “I think Sam’ll sing backup with me, and probably Tina too.”

Ryder nodded. “It’s so great she’ll be back,” he said. “I’m really proud of her.”

“We’re all proud of her,” Blaine agreed. “Everything’s working out again. Marley’s going to be back, and we’re going to Regionals. Everything’s going to be great.”

xxx

Marley twisted her fingers into the edge of her skirt, sitting on a high stool in the school kitchen. She was there early, as always, with her mom. But, even though her mom had told her to, she hadn’t yet gotten up the courage to go out in the halls now that it was eight fifteen and people were actually there.

“Mom, what if everyone knows where I was?” Marley murmured nervously. “I mean, I know glee club knows, but what if other people know? I was gone for two weeks. People are going to ask where I was.”

“Marley, we went over all of these concerns last night, and this morning at breakfast, and in the car,” Mrs. Rose said patiently. “Your teachers know where you were, and they aren’t going to go around telling people. And if anyone asks, just say you were really sick. Okay? It doesn’t matter what people think.”

Gulping, Marley nodded, standing up and smoothing down her skirt. “Do I look okay?” she asked her mom automatically. Her oversized grey sweater hid her still-bony figure from prying eyes, and her high boots made her legs look a little less stick-like. It was odd that Marley cared so much about being skinny, and now she was ashamed to show her scarily-thin body.

“Honey, you look beautiful,” Mrs. Rose replied, smiling. “And Ryder is probably really eager to see you, so go find him.”

Marley nodded again, and, with a deep breath, picked up her backpack and left the kitchen.

It felt like every eye was on her as she walked down the hall. At first, she tried to tell herself she was being paranoid, but then she saw a couple of Cheerios whisper behind their hands as they peeked at her, and some jocks in letterman jackets definitely smirked at her and then laughed when she’d passed them.

Her face burning, Marley hurried to her locker. Turning the combination, she quickly started placing her things inside.

Someone placed a kiss on her cheek from behind her. Marley automatically smiled and turned around to face her boyfriend. She placed her hands on his chest while his wrapped around her waist. “Hey,” she murmured, one of her hands traveling up his chest, over his shoulder, to the back of his neck, and into his hair, from which point she pulled his face down to hers to give him a proper kiss.

“I missed seeing you at your locker,” Ryder told her when they had pulled apart. “This has been the highlight of my day.”

“I hope I’m always the highlight of your day,” Marley joked as she turned back around to her locker. “You’re mine.”

Ryder left his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder. “I love you so much,” Ryder whispered in her ear.

Marley grinned and playfully swatted at his hands. “Stop,” she scolded. “We’re in school, there are _people_ here.”

“Yeah, Ken doll, you can’t hog my girl here.” Marley’s eyes widened and she turned to see Unique standing a few feet away, grinning.

“Unique!” Marley squealed, running into her best friend’s open arms. “Oh my gosh, I missed you so much!”

“Ditto, girlfriend,” Unique said, sounding almost tearful, but she was grinning. “God, girl, I can’t believe you’re here. I’m so happy. You were so missed, everyone missed you so much.”

That reminded Marley of her earlier worries. She slowly pulled out of Unique’s arms. “Hey, by the way…” Marley began, talking slowly and glancing over her shoulder. Two girls were staring at her, but they looked away when she looked at them. “Do you guys know why people are staring at me?”

Ryder furrowed his brow, looking confused. “What do you mean?” he asked.

“From the second I walked in the hallway, people have been looking at me weird, and some people are whispering and…and laughing?”

“I’m sure you’re just nervous about being back,” Ryder assured her. “No one’s talking about you, Marls, don’t worry.” Marley smiled, somewhat hesitantly, and turned back to her locker to place grab her book for class quickly, therefore missing the pointed look that Unique gave Ryder. A look that would have told Marley that Ryder had just lied to her.

xxx

Marley grinned uneasily as she was greeted in the choir room with thunderous applause. Several members got up to hug her. When Finn hugged her, he pulled her to the front of the room in front of the applauding glee club. “New Directions is whole, once again!” Finn declared triumphantly, causing more cheering and applause from Marley’s friends. Marley laughed a little nervously.

As soon as Marley had made her escape to a seat between Ryder and Unique, she was surprised to find that the week’s assignment was apparently…her. Blaine stood up, along with Sam and Joe, and made his way to the front of the room.

“Marls, you know how happy we are to have you back,” he began, smiling at her as Joe and Sam grabbed two mic stands from the storage closet. One, they placed in front of Blaine, and the other they both stood in front of. “And so, to welcome you back, Sam, Joe, and I have prepared a song that I know you’ll appreciate.”

As soon as the opening tones of _I’ll Be There For You_ by the Remembrandts started playing, Marley laughed, more at ease. _Friends_ was one of her favorite shows, and when she and Blaine watched it, they often found themselves rewinding the episodes multiple times just to sing and dance through the theme song.

However, Marley began to realize that maybe this wasn’t just a “welcome back” assignment. As she was clapping and cheering for the guys’ performance, she noticed the word on the whiteboard—support. She swallowed deeply, hoping that no one was going to make her cry or anything. She didn’t know how well she’d be able to handle that.

Fortunately, that didn’t happen. Everyone seemed to pick upbeat, pep-filled songs. Marley was surprised to see even Kitty get up to perform, even if she was just singing backup to Unique’s _Ain’t No Mountain (High Enough)_. 

After a few performances, Jake Puckerman stood up. Without a word, he grabbed a stool from a corner of the room. Finn, who had been about to speak, just raised his eyebrows and shrugged, taking a seat again. Jake sat on the stool and nodded to Brad.

Marley felt her heart accelerate from nerves as soon as she recognized the opening notes. He was singing—no joke— _Let Me Love You_. Possibly one of Marley’s favorite romantic songs—and a song that she always had and always would associate with Ryder. Her boyfriend.

And now the guy she had rejected was singing it to her in front of the entire glee club.

Marley forced herself to keep her eyes focused directly ahead—not looking quite at Jake as he attempted to engage her in eye contact, but more at his shoulder. She could feel the glee members behind her burning holes in the back of her head with her eyes, and Ryder’s grip had tightened on her hand. She couldn’t even look at Ryder, too worried to see what his reaction to this was.

When the song ended, there was a full two seconds of utter silence before someone remembered to clap. When the half-hearted applause had abated, Finn tried to ease them past the awkward moment.

“Well, thanks for that Jake,” he began.

“Dude, that was so inappropriate,” Ryder interrupted Finn. Marley finally looked at Ryder, and he looked a mixture of anger, confusion, and contempt.

“I don’t see how,” Jake disagreed, clearly just looking to engage Ryder in a fight.

“You just sang to my girlfriend about loving her,” Ryder pointed out.

Jake shrugged. “So? The assignment was support. I find that song sounds very supportive. ‘Let me love you, until you learn to love yourself?’ Sounds perfect to me.”

Ryder stood, and before he could come out with a retort, Marley stood as well. She placed herself in front of Ryder and placed a hand on his chest, stopping him from moving any further. “Ryder,” she said simply. She then turned to face Jake.

“Thank you, Jake,” she made herself say, with as much honesty as she could muster. “The song was beautiful. I appreciate the sentiment.” 

Jake just stared at her for a few long seconds and then nodded. Marley bit her lip and stared at the ground, then glanced at Finn. 

“Finn, can I be excused a bit early?” Marley asked. “I have to use the restroom.”

“Uh…yeah, sure,” Finn mumbled, looking awkward. Marley smiled at him, thanking him, and then grabbed her bag and left before anyone could really react.

xxx

Marley examined her shaking hands as she stood in front of the mirror. She mused on how it used to be that her hands shook because of her being underfed and starving, and now it was happening because of nerves and anxiety. She was just never going to win, was she? She was literally always going to be a mess.

_It’s all my fault. Everything’s going to go wrong again. I’m going to ruin everything again. Oh God, and we have to go to Regionals, and I have to sit next to Jake in class later, and I have to eat lunch later, and everything isn’t going like I thought…_

As she started hyperventilating, she fumbled into the front pocket of her bag and pulled out a pill container. It was her new anti-anxiety medication she’d been prescribed. When she’d described some of her panic attacks to her psychiatrist, and confided that she sometimes had trouble sleeping and concentrating because of racing thoughts and anxiety, she’d been put on this taken-as-needed drug. Anytime she felt anxiety hindering her daily activity, she was supposed to take one.

It was supposed to be with the nurse, but Marley hadn’t stopped by the office yet. She’d been planning on going there at lunch, thinking there was no way she’d need a pill before then. 

_Yeah right. You’re a mess, Marley Rose. A big, fat mess._

“Stop,” Marley ordered her inner voice. With that, she popped a pill into her mouth and took a swig from her water bottle, just as the bathroom door opened.

In walked Bree, accompanied by two other Cheerios. Upon seeing Marley in the bathroom, the girls’ eyes lit up as though it were Christmas morning. “Well, well, well, if it isn’t the ghost, Marley Rose,” Bree purred. “Nice disappearing act you pulled the last few weeks.”

Marley swallowed. “Please, like you even notice me,” she muttered, grabbing her water bottle and putting it in her bag. She reached out to grab her pill bottle at just the moment Bree’s eyes fell on it.

“I do when it means good gossip,” Bree commented. “Little Miss _Rehab_.”

Her eyes widening, Marley stopped with her hand halfway to the pills. “What do you mean?” she made herself say, affecting an air of innocence.

“Everyone’s talking about it,” one of the other girls said, folding her arms and smirking at Marley. “How you had to take time off because you were in rehab.”

“No one can agree whether it was for alcohol or drugs though,” Bree mused, sounding thoughtful, as though she were talking about something as simple as the weather. Her eyes flicked back to the pill bottle. “I’m guessing…pill popper?”

“No,” Marley said shortly, her voice wavering. She grabbed the pills and shoved them in her bag.

“I still think she’s an alcoholic,” the third Cheerio argued. “I bet those are those anti-booze pills, like the ones that make you puke if you drink.”

Bree turned back on Marley, her high pony swinging. “Well, Marley, you wanna set the record straight?”

“It’s none of your business,” Marley whispered furiously, throwing her bag over her shoulder. “I’ve been sick. That’s all.”

As Marley brushed past Bree and the other two, she heard them start laughing. “Please, that’s only an admission of guilt!” she heard Bree call as the door swung shut behind her.

She ran right into Ryder. “Hey!” he exclaimed quietly, catching Marley’s arm as she stumbled after bumping him. “Hey, are you okay?” he asked her.

“I’m fine,” she told him. _No, Marley, you’re not supposed to lie about how you feel_ , she thought, the voice in her head sounding a lot like Erin’s in support group. “Actually, no, I’m not fine.”

“I thought maybe you were going to…” Ryder let that sentence hang, unfinished.

Marley realized what he was thinking. “You thought I was going to purge, didn’t you?” she asked sadly. Ryder just looked down at his shoes. “I didn’t,” she assured him. “I promise you.”

“I believe you,” Ryder answered.

“I’m really working hard to get better, Ryder,” Marley told him. “It may not be an overnight change, but I don’t plan on having a relapse.”

“You can’t plan that, Marls,” Ryder informed her. “And you used to lie about purging before, and not eating, so you’ve got to understand why it’s going to take me a while to just…trust that you’re true to your word about that.”

The word _trust_ reminded Marley of what had just happened in the bathroom, and how Ryder had only that morning assured her that no one was talking about her behind her back. “Ryder, I want you to be honest with me, right now,” Marley said, her voice changing suddenly from soft and reassuring to a firm, demanding tone.

Ryder’s eyes widened and he nodded. “Of course,” he said somewhat hesitantly.

“What are people saying about me?” Marley knew now, of course, after that little confrontation in the bathroom, but she was giving Ryder the chance to make up for having lied to her that morning.

He hesitated a second before answering. “Marls, why do you think people are talking about you?” he asked, avoiding the question. 

“Answer me,” she demanded.

“No one’s saying anything,” he insisted quickly. 

Marley snorted. “Ryder, that’s not true,” she pointed out. “I just ran into Bree and a couple other Cheerios in the bathroom.”

Ryder’s face went pale. “Marls…”

She held up a hand to stop him. “They think I’m an alcoholic,” she said, her voice wavering again. “They think I’m a drug addict or an alcoholic and I’m not even sure if the truth is worse or better.”

“Marls, they’re stupid, you know the people at this school are desperate for a scandal.”

“I just wish you had told me that there were rumors,” Marley whispered. “I could have been prepared for it.”

“Marley, I’m sorry,” Ryder apologized. “I just hoped that no one would say anything to you.”

“So you admit you’ve heard the rumors,” Marley responded, grasping at straws.

“Yes, of course I had, Marls, and I always denied them,” Ryder defended himself.

“But you told me no one was talking about me, or laughing at me. I’m learning about how important it is to be honest about things, Ryder. I really wish you would be honest with me.”

“Marley, it’s not that big of a deal--”

Cutting him off, Marley shook her head. “It is to me,” she snapped, and turned sharply on her heel, walking away.

Well, this definitely wasn’t the first day back that she’d imagined.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee or any of its characters.

Ryder came up behind Jake in the locker room, before Ryder’s gym class and after Jake’s. “What’s the matter with you?” he demanded. Jake jumped.

“Jesus, Ryder, you scared the shit outta me,” Jake complained, slamming his locker shut and sitting on a bench to pull on his shirt. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, do you think you’re better than me or something?” Ryder asked. “Why the hell did you think it was okay to sing a song like that to my girlfriend?”

“Geez, are you still on that?” Jake mumbled. “That was like two hours ago, get over it.” When Ryder didn’t walk away, Jake sighed in an annoyed way. “She should have picked me,” Jake spat.

Ryder ran both his hands through his hair. “I’m the one who needs to get over something?” he exclaimed. “Jake, Marley and I have been dating for _months. You_ need to get over it.”

“Maybe if she had been with me,” Jake said slowly, looking up at Ryder, “she wouldn’t have gotten so out of control with her eating disorder.”

Ryder felt all the emotion drain from his face. “Don’t,” he said simply. 

“I wouldn’t have ignored Marley’s problems,” Jake insisted. “ _I_ would have told someone about her issues a whole hell of a lot sooner than you saw fit to. I wouldn’t have let Marley nearly kill herself.”

“Would you have even noticed in the first place?” Ryder snapped. “You’re not her boyfriend. End of story. She. Picked. Me.”

“I’m better for her!”

“Like _hell_ you are!” Ryder exploded, throwing his backpack against the row of lockers. The other guys in the locker room looked over at Ryder and Jake as they faced off. “You’re a delinquent womanizer who cares more about himself than any other thing on this planet. I _love_ Marley more than I love myself. I can’t even imagine you loving _anything_ , let alone putting anything before you!”

Jake didn’t answer, looking to be holding back rage. His silence fueled Ryder’s anger. “Do you know what I’ve gone through for the past few weeks, just for her?” Ryder whispered angrily. “I’ve been at her house every afternoon and evening for the past two weeks. I have literally fed her food when she refused to eat at dinner, because I was the only one she’d take it from. I have held her while she cried more times than I can count. I’ve dealt with her mood swings that have her screaming at me one minute, then sobbing and apologizing the next. And I’ve done all this because _I love her_. You don’t have what it _takes_ to do this for _anyone_ —you aren’t capable of being _anyone’s_ boyfriend, let alone Marley’s, because you don’t have a care for anyone but yourself!”

“You don’t know anything about me,” Jake said in a warning tone, shaking his head menacingly as he stood from the bench.

“Face it, Jake,” Ryder growled. “I’m the better guy. She chose _the better guy._ And you need to stop being a freaking _toddler_ and _move the hell on_. Because next time you put the moves on _my_ girl? I’m not holding back.” With that, Ryder picked up his backpack and stormed out of the locker room.

xxx

“Hey,” Jake greeted as he came up to Marley after their class together the next period

Marley closed her eyes for a minute to gather her strength as she put her books in her backpack. “Hi Jake,” she replied, trying not to sound resigned.

“Look, about earlier…” Jake began, following Marley out of the room and towards her locker.

Marley made a small noise of objection and stopped walking, turning towards Jake. “Mm, can we not talk about it?” she asked politely, giving Jake a strained smile. “Jake, look, I appreciate the gesture, but it _was_ an inappropriate thing to do.”

Jake leaned closer to Marley, looking very serious. “I really was just trying to be supportive. I know you like that song, and I thought you’d be happy. I’m sorry if I upset you.”

Now Marley felt guilty. “You didn’t upset me,” she mumbled. “I just don’t want to still feel like you and Ryder are fighting because of me.” Marley started walking again, and Jake continued on with her.

“Yeah, well…” Jake let that thought trail away. “Look, Marley, I’m a sore loser, all right? And I’m sorry, I let my feelings get in the way.”

Marley looked back at Jake, confused and suspicious. “What do you mean, _feelings_?” she asked, stopping as she and Jake reached her locker. “Jake, you can’t possibly mean you still have feelings for me?”

Jake shrugged. “Like I said,” he murmured bitterly. “Sore loser.”

Marley rubbed her eyes, frustrated. She didn’t even care if she messed up her eyeliner anymore. “Jake, you can’t do this,” she told him. “You can’t lay guilt on me that I didn’t decide to go out with you back in _September_. Okay? Ryder and I have been together for a long time, and…I’m sorry, but you really need to move on.”

Shaking his head, Jake shrugged again. “Well, anyway, I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry,” he repeated, changing the subject. “And I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

“Thanks,” Marley answered, feeling a little guilty for snapping at Jake and spinning the dial on her locker slowly.

“Oooh, look who’s back, guys!” Marley swallowed as she turned to see some redheaded hockey player she barely knew by sight standing next to her with a few of his friends. “Hey, there, wild child.”

Marley didn’t say anything, just quickly finished spinning her combination and hurriedly started putting things in the locker.

“I heard you were sick,” the guy (was his name Brandon?) said, sounding mock-concerned.

“I was,” Marley muttered, shoving her notebook and textbook on the locker shelf.

“So, rehab, huh?” Brandon smirked. “Alcohol? Drugs? What?”

Marley felt her hands shaking out of anger and she gripped her book more tightly. “Hey, knock it off,” Jake said, sounding angry. Marley gave him a warning look, her eyes begging him not to engage these guys any further.

“I heard she got knocked up and got an abortion,” Brandon’s friend put in.

Her heart stopping, Marley’s head whipped around to look at this guy. _No. The alcohol and drug rumors were bad enough. Pregnant?_

Brandon whistled appreciatively. “Oh damn, that Ryder Lynn is getting some of _this_ tasty bit? I didn’t think the guy had it in him.”

“I _said_ knock it _off_ ,” Jake growled again, taking a menacing step towards the players.

Brandon’s eyes widened in excitement. “Oh _no_ , wait, big bad Jake Puckerman is getting upset!”

“Oh damn, don’t tell me _he’s_ the one who knocked the bitch up?” one of the other guys laughed. “Drama!” Jake shoved the guy roughly, effectively stopping his mirth.

“Jake!” Marley exclaimed, grabbing his arm and putting herself between the jocks and Jake. “Stop!”

The jocks looked like they were ready to continue the fight, but a teacher came around the corner at that moment. “What’s going on around here?” he called threateningly, looking directly at the small group that Marley, Jake, and the jocks formed, plus the passerby who had witnessed Jake’s shove.

“Dude, I’ll get suspended,” Brandon hissed to his friends as he elbowed them away from Jake. He gave Jake a pointed look. “Next time, Puckerman,” he warned, and then walked off. The teacher, too, left, giving Jake a suspicious look.

Marley turned back around to face Jake. “You shouldn’t have done that,” she scolded him. “You could have gotten hurt, there were three of them and only one of you.”

“You expect me to just stand there and not defend you?” Jake asked, sounding confused. “Marley, these rumors are out of control, maybe you should just let people know why you were really gone.”

“It’s not any of their business!” she exclaimed quietly. “Look, words are words, okay? They’re not true, and the real me is the real me. Okay? Yeah, it hurts, but people forget gossip eventually.”

Jake shook his head. “I can’t believe you’re being cool about them saying shit like that.”

“Of course I’m not _cool_ with it,” Marley clarified, rolling her eyes and leaning her back against the row of lockers. “I’m just…dealing with it. Everyone will eventually lose interest and move on to the next big bit of gossip.”

Jake leaned his shoulder against the locker next to her, shrugging. “I guess they will eventually, but—”

He stopped talking as Ryder came around the corner. Ryder stopped short as he saw Marley and Jake standing together. Marley pushed herself away from the locker, standing up straight. “Ryder,” she greeted stiffly, remembering she was supposed to be mad at him.

“Marls,” he replied, moving towards her again, albeit tentatively. “Jake.”

Jake stood up straight as well. “I’ll just be going then,” he said awkwardly, gesturing over his shoulder. He looked at Marley. “You let me know if anything like that happens again.”  
Marley squeezed her eyes shut. Why, why, why did he have to say something like that in front of Ryder? She was halfway sure Jake was still just trying to bait Ryder and cause a fight. “Bye Jake,” she said, a bit more forcefully and angrily than she wanted. Jake got the hint and took off.

Ryder stared after him for a second, and then his eyes flicked back to Marley, confused. “Why were you talking to _him_?”

“He was apologizing,” Marley replied tensely. “For singing that song earlier.”

Ryder scoffed. “Please, he’s not sorry at all.”

“He just apologized, so you know what, he seems sorry,” Marley snapped.

Ryder almost told her about the fight Jake and he had gotten into only that morning, but he decided against it—it would probably only make Marley more angry. “What was he saying, let him know if something happens again? What happened?”

“Nothing,” Marley dismissed, her annoyance at her boyfriend still fresh at the surface. “I’m sure it’s something you’ve already heard anyway.” Marley tried to turn and walk away. Ryder hurried to walk beside her.

“More rumors?” he asked. Marley didn’t respond. “Marls, are you really that mad at me? Marls, come on, please just…talk to me, okay?”

“Ryder, I’m mad, okay?” Marley snapped. “You lied to me.” Ryder stepped in front of Marley and started walking backwards so he could look her in the eyes.

“Marley, please,” he begged. “I am so sorry that I wasn’t honest with you about what people thought about your being gone, but I honestly thought that it would just upset you more. I was only thinking about your feelings.”

“That’s all well and good, Ryder, if I hadn’t _asked_ you about it,” Marley retorted. “If you were just not mentioning it and I didn’t mention it, I wouldn’t be upset. But I _did_ ask you, and you _did_ outright lie about it.”

“You’re totally right, and it was stupid, and please let me make it up to you,” Ryder asked, gently grabbing Marley’s hand as they reached the lunchroom, and Ryder pulled Marley to the side of the doors before they entered.

 _Gosh, his eyes are so sweet,_ Marley found herself thinking, then shook herself. _No! Stop. You’re mad. Mad at him._ Still, Marley could tell Ryder really was sorry for lying. Marley sighed, and looked away from Ryder’s hypnotic puppy-dog eyes. He smiled weakly at her. "I love you," he said in a pleading tone.

“I love you too,” she replied, a little bitterly. Ryder smiled weakly and leaned in to kiss her—Marley turned her face and offered him her cheek, which he sadly accepted. She was clearly still a little angry. 

xxx

Marley and Ryder sat down at the table with their friends, placing their trays on the table. As she sat, Marley was uncomfortably aware of her friends peeking at her lunch, and knew that they were probably not going to be able to help but watch her eat. The thought of it made her palms get sweaty and she had to take a minute to take a few deep breaths to ward off any panic-like symptoms.

Ryder noticed the glances that people were giving Marley as well, and quickly thought of how he could possibly take the attention off of her enough to let her feel comfortable enough to eat. “Tina!” he exclaimed, grasping at an idea. “Tell us more about your idea of raising money for Regionals!”

“The calendar?” Tina clarified. “I mean…it’s pretty straightforward.”

“What months are all of us doing though?” Ryder asked, gesturing around at the guys, most of whom were conveniently located at the other end of the table from Marley.

“Oh, well, we’ve still got a few months we’re not sure about, but Blaine’s doing January…” Tina launched into her narrative on the calendar, and Marley, giving Ryder a grateful look, took a bite of her lunch.

xxx

Whispers broke out in the classroom as Marley and Ryder took their seats later that day in seventh period, which happened to be health class. Marley gritted her teeth and ignored the murmurs around her and just took out her notebook wordlessly. Ryder followed her lead and the two of them sat in silence next to each other throughout the class period.

Unfortunately, today’s lesson of _course_ had to be about contraceptives and safe sex. Marley, the new rumor about herself she’d heard earlier still fresh in her mind, felt her cheeks burning, and knew that the not-so-surreptitious glances at her and Ryder were _not_ in her imagination.

Thankfully, class seemed to go by without any direct comments being flung at her, and she watched the clock numbers change and the bell ring. Eagerly, Marley grabbed her bag and started packing her notebook and pen neatly back inside, while students around her left, some of them stopping at the Mr. Everett’s desk to grab some of the free condoms that the teacher had left out on the desk (making them swear not to tell the principal about it, even though there was technically no rule against it).

A condom landed on the table in front of Ryder, and he glanced up to see who had tossed it there. Phil Lipoff, that wrestling team jerk—of course.

“Hey man, you might wanna take a few extra of these, you know what I’m sayin?” Phil suggested, laughing. “Don’t want anythin bad happenin to you and your girl again.”

Ryder’s face took on a dangerous expression. “What the hell are you talking about?” he asked.

“Oh my man, I think you know exactly what I’m sayin,” Phil laughed, fist bumping the guy next to him. “Good job gettin into _that_ frigid bitch’s pants though!”

Ryder slammed his hands on the table in front of him as he stood up, his chair falling backwards. _“What did you just say?_ ” he yelled.

Marley grabbed Ryder’s sleeve. “Ryder, stop!” she exclaimed, not sure whether she should be glad or upset that Mr. Everett had left for the bathroom immediately after the bell—in order to be able to plead innocence if any of the students _did_ tell Figgins about the free condoms, Marley was sure.

“Oh we _all_ know about that baby drama that was goin on for you two little lovey doveys,” Phil continued, clearly enjoying how angry Ryder had gotten. “Still just can’t believe you got this one to get in bed with you though. But, nah, with her dump truck mom, she probably knows she gotta latch onto you before you get away, before she end up the same way.”

Marley inhaled sharply, Phil’s words hitting her in a way he probably hadn’t know they would. Her grip on Ryder’s arm slackened enough for Ryder to be able to throw a punch, one that hit Phil squarely in the jaw.

“Ryder, no!” Marley screamed when she realized what had happened. “Stop! I said _stop_!” She placed herself in front of Ryder, knowing that he wouldn’t make a move if there was a possibility of her being in the line of fire.

She was right. He dropped his fists, just in time for Mr. Everett to come back into the room. “What’s going on in here?” he asked, astonished, seeing Phil clutching his jaw, Marley in near-tears, and Ryder looking an image of utter rage. “Clear out, get to class!”

Phil and his friend left, giving Ryder a dark look, and so did Marley and Ryder. Marley grabbed Ryder’s sleeve, not gently, hauling him around the corner away from the classroom and in the opposite direction of Phil.

“What’s wrong with you?” she demanded, folding her arms across her chest.

Ryder looked astonished. “Did you expect me to stand there and let them say that?” he exclaimed, gesturing over his shoulder at the absent bullies.

“I don’t expect you to do _anything_ ,” Marley snapped at him. “I certainly don’t expect you to hit anyone!”

“I don’t just let people get away with insulting my girl!” Ryder snapped back. 

“Ryder, let me worry about it, okay?” Marley suggested angrily. “When are you going to get it through your head that _I don’t like it when people fight for me_? I hated it when you and Jake were fighting with each other over me, I don’t like it when you throw punches at _anyone_ over me! It doesn’t make me feel better, or protected, or anything. It makes me feel like all I do is cause trouble and fights!”

“I was just trying to defend you,” Ryder explained furiously. “I can’t believe we’re fighting about this.”

Marley just shook her head. “I’m going to class,” she muttered darkly. She threw her backpack over one shoulder and walked away.

“Marls, come on, wait,” Ryder called after her, the rage mostly gone from his voice, but Marley still ignored him and kept walking.

xxx

Lying face-down on her bed, Marley moaned into her pillows as she thought about all the homework that needed doing. _Why exactly did I want to go back to school again?_ she thought bitterly. Today had really, utterly, and completely sucked. 

She had always assumed that eventually she and Ryder would have to have a fight—they’d been in the honeymoon phase of their relationship for a while now. She just wished he hadn’t pissed her off so much on her first day back in school. 

Marley turned her head to the side to look at the framed picture of her and Ryder that sat on her bedside table. She scoffed at the smiling boy in the picture, as though he could hear her. “I don’t know why you think I need protecting all the time,” she muttered. “Yeah, I’ve got an eating disorder, but that doesn’t make me incapable of defending myself.”

Her piece having been said, she then flipped over onto her side facing the wall, staring pointedly away from the photograph. She thought of the math problems she had to do, and then yawned. “I’ll do it later,” she mumbled, her eyes sliding closed. “After a nap.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee or any of its characters.  
> I do not own any songs featured in this chapter.

Marley was just grabbing her backpack to leave for school the next morning when her phone trilled out a text alert. She looked at it to see that it was from Ryder.

She bit her lip, remembering their fight yesterday. They hadn’t had glee rehearsal in the afternoon, so Marley hadn’t seen him since then. He’d still sent his usual “goodnight love” text message, but it had lacked the usual smiley face. So it was with a little hesitation and nervousness that Marley opened the message

From Ryder <3  
Im sory abowt yesterday. I hav a surprise for u in glee today. I hope itll maek it up to u. I love u.

Marley smiled faintly, glad to see that he did, in fact, still love her. She knew he did, of course—one fight wasn’t going to end their relationship—but it was very nice to see. She breathed a small sigh of relief, and then jumped a bit when she felt something brush across her leg.

Her pretty brown tabby cat—named Amber, for the pretty color of her eyes—was rubbing against her legs, purring affectionately. Marley bent down to scratch her ears.

“I wonder what Ryder has planned, huh Amber?” she murmured to her cat quietly. “It better be something pretty good, because Mama’s still a little mad at him.” With that, Marley stood up, hitched her backpack over one shoulder, and then went out to join her mom in the car.

Xxx

When Marley walked to her locker that morning, she caught sight of a familiar blonde ponytail ducking into an empty science classroom. Immediately, Marley changed her path and followed.

Peeking in the window on the door, Marley saw Kitty sitting at a desk in the dark room, her head in her hands. Her head immediately snapped up when Marley opened the door.

“Kitty?” Marley asked tentatively.

“Marley,” Kitty responded, her voice only betraying her emotions a little as the cheerleader hastily wiped her eyes.

Taking her greeting as a good sign, Marley took a few more steps into the room. “Hey…are you crying?”

Kitty anxiously rubbed her eyes again. “No, I’m fine,” she snapped, standing abruptly.

“Can I do anything?” Marley asked helplessly, her natural goodness taking over. This was the first time that she and Kitty had had a conversation, or even made eye contact, since Marley had fainted more than two weeks ago. Already this brief interlude seemed to be ending, since Kitty was grabbing her bag to escape.

“No, you can’t,” Kitty said sharply.

“You missed English yesterday,” Marley said. “Are you avoiding me?”

“What do you think?”

“Look, Kitty, I was just worried about you, and--”

Kitty laughed. “Of course you were,” she agreed a little tearfully, nodding. “You’re little miss perfect, oh I’m so nice to everyone Marley Rose. You worry about your worst enemies.”

“You’re not my _enemy_ , Kitty,” Marley insisted, folding her arms across her chest. “You’re my friend.”

“See, like that,” Kitty said, stopping on her way to the door, turning and pointing at Marley. “I’m your _friend_? Marley, I don’t _deserve_ to be your friend. Not after everything I did to you, out of my own stupid vanity.”

“What do you mean, your own vanity?” Marley couldn’t help but ask. Kitty didn’t answer, just stared at her sneakers. “Kitty…are you jealous of me?”

“Look, I’m super bitchin hot, all right?” Kitty snapped, looking up at Marley. “Like, freakishly beautiful, I’ve been pretty since I was a baby, and won a contest for my beauty when I was six months old. Being the hot one is my thing. And then you showed up here, with your size 0 jeans and your _freakishly_ perfect hair, and had all the guys staring at you, and I had to do something.”

“You _had_ to do something?” Marley repeated, letting some of her anger shine through. “So you _had_ to encourage me to throw up. You were jealous, so that makes it all right?”

“It didn’t _mean_ anything back when I didn’t know you,” Kitty hissed angrily. “Back when you were just the dorky girl who I thought was stealing my boyfriend. I couldn’t have cared less if you were a bulimic, or an anorexic, or whatever, just as long as you weren’t taking my place as the most popular girl in school.”

“Like that would _ever_ happen!” Marley exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air. “I’m the poor, shy new girl with the fat mom, remember? I was _never_ a threat to you.”

“That’s not true,” Kitty disagreed, shaking her head violently. “A girl like you is a threat. A threat to the popular ones, and speaking as one of us popular girls, I can say that we react purely on instinct, okay? It’s like a jungle cat fighting for her territory or something, if someone invades, she defends herself. Even if the other girl hasn’t done anything, we have to take you down a peg.”

Marley scoffed. “So…what, you were just putting me in my place?” she asked. “Keeping the natural order of things?”

“Honestly, yeah, I thought so,” Kitty admitted angrily. “That’s how I’ve learned how to think, in Cheerios and the popular crowd and stuff. And then…and then I joined glee, and I realized all of you losers aren’t so bad after all, and you really care about people and….God, Marley, why couldn’t you have just looked in the mirror and seen that you were skinny enough? Why couldn’t you have realized that your weight was _fine_? And then I could have been your friend without all of this guilt that’s eating me up. I never planned on becoming your friend, but somehow it happened, and Marley…I am just so sorry.” 

Marley blinked as Kitty finally took a shaking breath. After a couple seconds of stare-off between the two of them, Marley took a few steps, filling the space between her and Kitty. And she pulled her friend into a tight hug. 

Because Marley knew that Kitty was sorry, and that was what mattered in the end.

Xxx

“Marls,” Ryder said as Marley and Kitty walked into the choir room side-by-side for first period glee. He glanced at Kitty, but said nothing.

“Hey,” Marley replied with a small smile, letting Ryder kiss her cheek in greeting. 

“Sit right here,” Ryder suggested, gesturing to the same seat she had sat in yesterday, first row in the center. Marley sat and Ryder stood in front of everyone as the last few glee members trickled into the room.

“Hey guys, quiet down!” Finn said loudly as he walked in from the hallway, and the noisy chatter subsided. “Ryder’s starting us off today.”

“Right,” Ryder agreed, clasping his hands together in front of him. “Listen, Marls…I know I kind of screwed up yesterday. I just really want to make you happy and smile again, so I hope this song will remind you of how I feel about you.”

Marley was already smiling again before the music started. Ryder noticed, so he was grinning as he sang the first few lines

_“It’s a little bit funny,  
This feeling inside  
I’m not one of those   
Who can easily hide  
Don’t have much money, but  
Boy, if I did  
I’d buy a big house where  
We both could live.”_

Ryder crouched in front of Marley, tucking her hair behind her ears as she grinned like a fool, blushing from the stares of the other glee members, but feeling too happy to care that everyone was watching.

_“If I was a sculptor  
Huh, but then again, no  
Or a man who makes potions  
In a traveling show  
I know it’s not much,  
But it’s the best I can do  
My gift is my song and  
This one’s for you.”_

Ryder stood again, gesturing around him at the band behind him and at the other glee members.

_“And you can tell everybody  
This is your song  
It may be quite simple but  
Now that it’s done  
I hope you don’t mind  
I hope you don’t mind  
That I put down in words…”_

Ryder held his hand over his heart as he smiled at Marley.  
 _  
“How wonderful life is while you’re in the world.”_

He sat down in the seat, next to her, putting an arm over her shoulder as the piano played.  
 _  
“I sat on the roof  
And kicked off the moss  
Well a few of the verses  
Well they’ve got me quite cross  
But the sun’s been quite bright  
While I wrote this song  
It’s for people like you that  
Keep it turned on.”_

After booping her nose in that way he liked to do on _you_ , Ryder stood again, standing once again in front of the club.  
 _  
“So excuse me forgetting  
But these things I do  
You see I’ve forgotten,   
If they’re green or they’re blue  
Anyway, the thing is  
What I really mean  
Yours are the sweetest eyes  
I’ve ever seen._

_And you can tell everybody,  
This is your song  
It may be quite simple but  
Now that it’s done  
I hope you don’t mind  
I hope you don’t mind  
That I put down in words  
How wonderful life is while you’re in the world.”_

Ryder did a cute little air drums move that made Marley laugh in delight. He smiled happily at the sound of her laugh and kneeled in front of her, taking her hands in his.  
 _  
“I hope you don’t mind  
I hope you don’t mind  
That I put down in words  
How wonderful life is  
While you’re in the world.”_

Marley pressed her lips eagerly to Ryder’s as the room burst into applause. “Gross, get a room,” someone called, and the two lovebirds separated, laughing embarrassedly. 

“That was great, Ryder,” Finn complimented. “Great job.”

“Great job,” Marley repeated, softly, as Ryder took the chair next to her and put his arm around her. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Does this mean I’m forgiven?” Ryder asked hopefully as Finn started to talk with Tina about the progress of the fundraising calendar.

Marley grinned. “Yes. I forgive you.”

“Good, because on Friday, I am taking you on a date,” Ryder informed her. 

“Oh really?” Marley giggled. “Where are we going?”

“Surprise,” Ryder said smugly. “You’ll love it though. We’ll have so much fun.”

Xxx

And indeed, that Friday afternoon, Ryder and Marley left straight from glee practice to go on their date, which turned out to be…

“Ryder, I’m going to fall on my butt,” Marley complained lightheartedly as they were sitting by the ice rink putting on their skates. “This is your awesome date? Me falling on the cold, hard ice repeatedly?” She said all of this without any real annoyance, so Ryder knew that she was kidding, and he grinned at her.

“Nah, you’re going to be great,” Ryder dismissed, kneeling to help Marley with the laces that she was struggling to pull tight, having laced up his own in some sort of record time.

“I have been ice skating exactly once in my life, and it was when I was eight,” Marley argued.

Ryder laughed and looked up at her, flipping his bangs out of his eyes. “For real? Okay, yeah, you might suck” He cowered away from Marley’s playful slaps to his shoulders as he laughed. “Don’t worry, I’ll help you.”

Marley rolled her eyes as Ryder moved on to tying her other boot, him swatting her hands away as she attempted to help. “Oh, let me guess, you used to be some awesome all-star hockey player?”

“Uh, no,” Ryder said. “But Rita used to ice skate competitively, and we would all come down to the rink and skate together as a family sometimes.”

Rita was the second oldest of Ryder’s four older sisters. With Ryder being a bit of an “oopsie” baby, all of the Lynn girls were a bit older than Ryder, and he was the only kid left at home. Marley had only ever met the youngest of the sisters, 20-year-old Reagan, who was a student at the University of Lima.

“Really? Rita?” Marley frowned. “I’d never have guessed. From the way you’ve described her, she doesn’t seem like an athlete.”

“Oh, yeah, she loved it,” Ryder told her, standing and then reaching out a hand to help Marley up as well.

“Why doesn’t she do it anymore?” Marley asked as she and Ryder wobbled (well, okay, she wobbled) over to the edge of the rink.

Ryder shrugged, glancing away from Marley and looking at the few other skaters on the rink. “Oh you know, competitive field, short career span, it was more of a hobby. Hey, look at that kid.” Ryder pointed at the little girl who was doing nothing at all remarkable. Marley humored him, wondering only a bit about his abrupt change of subject, but saying nothing about it.

Both of them stepped onto the ice, Marley clinging to the side as the ground became slick and unfamiliar beneath her feat. Ryder stood next to her, not holding onto anything and looking totally confident on the ice. He held out his gloved hand to her and she took it gratefully, chancing taking a hand away from the rail.

“C’mon, let go,” Ryder encourage, laughing. “You aren’t skating if you’re holding yourself up on the wall.”

“Maybe not, but I’m alive,” Marley argued, but shakily let go of the wall as she and Ryder slowly started inching forward.

Ryder grinned as Marley’s steps grew less tentative and became gradually longer and smoother. “Look at you, you got this,” he cheered.

“Yeah, maybe it isn’t so hard,” Marley said, grinning. She tried to match Ryder’s easy foot movements, gliding on one foot for a few seconds. She started to wobble dangerously, and reached for Ryder’s arm with her free hand. “Whoa!” she exclaimed, desperately trying to regain balance.

Ryder reached out to catch her, but he wasn’t quick enough. Marley ended up sitting on the ice, Ryder somehow still standing, having kept his balance despite Marley’s best efforts to take him down with her. Ryder couldn’t help but laugh at her sitting there looking so astonished. “You okay, babe?” he asked between chuckles. He skated away a few feet and turned around, rather than try to stop immediately.

“Don’t be such a show off!” Marley complained, folding her arms across her chest stubbornly. Her smile took away any of the malice the words might have otherwise carried.

“I just turned around!” Ryder objected with more laughter. “No, you’re right, I’m sorry.” Ryder pretended to wobble in his skates. “Oh no, oh no!” he cried exaggeratedly, and then plopped dramatically onto the ice next to Marley. “Feel better?” he asked, smiling.

“No, my butt is cold,” Marley told him between shivers and giggles, moving to attempt standing. Ryder pulled himself up and then helped Marley up. Once she was safely standing, both her hands firmly encased in his, he placed a kiss on her lips. When they pulled apart, Ryder smiled at his girlfriend again. “That should warm you up,” he teased, making Marley blush but also grin. Holding one of her hands tightly in his, he pulled gently to encourage her forward again. “C’mon, Bambi, we’ve barely made it to the first corner yet.”

Xxx

After about an hour, Marley got tired of falling on her butt and face, and both she and Ryder were cold. Giggling, they stumbled off the ice towards the nearest bench to remove their skates.

An elderly woman, who appeared to be watching her grandchildren skate (judging from the cries of “look Grandma” from the ice, and her according responses of “uh huh, I see!”), smiled over at them as they walked by. “You two make such a lovely couple,” she told them. “You remind me of myself and my husband when we were your age.”

“That’s so sweet, thank you,” Marley grinned, feeling snuggly comfortable with Ryder’s arm wrapped around her shoulders.

“Don’t they remind you of us, Morty?” the woman said to the gentleman at her side. “Just like when we used to go skating.”

“I never took you ice skating,” Morty disagreed.

“Yes you did, Morty, what are you talking about? When we were sixteen we used to go to the rink all the time--”

“Janice, we went roller skating, not ice skating.”

“Morty in the winter we went ice skating a few times, we went a few times the winter we were sixteen.” Janice shook her head and smiled again at Marley and Ryder (who were both biting their lips to suppress giggles.). “You kids have a great day.”

“You too, so nice meeting you,” Ryder replied politely.

“Honestly, Morty, we just talked about that this morning…” they heard Janice start to gripe as they walked away, and Both Ryder and Marley let loose with quiet giggling.

Xxx

Ryder pulled his car into the garage at his house. Ryder’s parents both worked late on Friday evenings, his lawyer mother pouring over cases and his psychologist father having late appointments, so they’d decided to come back here to hang out and maybe watch a movie or play some video games.

“Do you think Blaine is home?” Marley wondered, glancing down the street. Ryder lived in the same rich neighborhood as Blaine, just a few houses down.

“I think so, yeah, but Tina’s car is over there too,” Ryder pointed out. “Otherwise I’d say we should ask him to hang out.”

Marley pursed her lips. Despite Tina’s improved behavior towards her lately, she still felt nervous around the diva senior. “Yeah, let’s just let them be,” she agreed, following Ryder up the front walk. 

As Ryder unlocked the door and let the both of them in, Marley couldn’t help but glance around the expansive and fancy foyer as she always did when coming in. This house didn’t seem to fit Ryder at all—she had been so surprised, the first time she had visited his house, to find out that his family was so wealthy. Ryder was the sort of rich kid who didn’t know he was rich, and didn’t act like it anyway.

What really captured one’s attention upon walking in was the giant family portrait that hung directly across the foyer, depicting Dr. and Mrs. Lynn with their five children, Rebecca, Rita, Regina, Reagan, and then a little toddler version of Ryder. It was such a display, and it showed off the closeness of the Lynn family, with the kids seated on the ground and their parents kneeling behind them, everyone looking so close and happy that it made Marley smile every time she saw it.

After kicking off their shoes by the door, Marley and Ryder head back towards the den. It was the room Marley was most comfortable in the house—everywhere else she was rather afraid of getting something dirty or breaking something glass. In the den, there were two wide, cozy couches that were the perfect size for two people to lie down and cuddle on, and still be able to see the large plasma TV that hung on the wall. 

Cabinets of DVDs held numerous options for them to continue their date, and Ryder ended up turning on _Ella Enchanted_ , pretending to give in to Marley’s insistence (although she knew perfectly well that he liked the movie just as much as her). They cuddled up on one of the big couches together to watch.

Within ten minutes, they were making out instead, the movie forgotten. They were so absorbed in each other that they apparently didn’t hear the front door open, and someone’s voice coming from far too close was what made them spring apart.

“Aw, that’s my baby brother,” Reagan smirked, and then laughed as Ryder and Marley practically leapt to opposite sides of the couch upon becoming aware of her presence. “Oh calm down, it’s just me,” she chuckled, shaking her head, her dirty blonde hair (artfully infused with a few streaks of hot pink) halfway falling from its ponytail.

“ _Reagan_ ,” Ryder groaned. “I didn’t know you were coming home this weekend.”

“Surprise!” Reagan announced, gesturing broadly. “I thought I’d surprise you and the ‘rents. Didn’t know you were busy, or I’d have knocked or something. Hi, Marley.”

“Hi, Reagan,” Marley murmured, blushing uncontrollably. “We weren’t really doing anything…”

“Mmhm, okay, whatever you say,” Reagan hummed. She grinned at Marley’s blush. “Oh come on, girl, I’m just teasing. Look, I’m going to go fix some food, because, you know, here it’s free. You guys…go back to what you were doing I guess? My bad for interrupting. Please, carry on.” With another gesture, Reagan left, grinning all the way.

Ryder, his eyes squeezed shut in a grimace, laughed a little. “Oh Reagan,” he murmured. He opened his eyes and looked at Marley apologetically. “Sorry, I didn’t know she was coming.”

“It’s fine,” Marley dismissed, feeling only a little embarrassed about the situation. “Reagan’s cool, I like her.”

Both of them knew without saying anything that the moment had been kind of ruined, so they just snuggled back up to watch the movie instead of picking up where they had left off.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee or any of its characters.

“Wow, baby brother, what’s this?” Ryder looked up from his textbook that was open on his desk and saw Reagan in his doorway. She was leaning on the doorframe casually, examining the _Men of McKinley_ calendar in her hands.

“Uh, fundraiser we did for glee club,” Ryder explained, blushing a little. “To raise money to go to regionals.”

“So you posed…naked?” Reagan teased, turning the calendar around to show Ryder’s pose for February.

“No!” Ryder exclaimed. “I’m definitely wearing shorts behind that heart.”

“Like I can tell!” Reagan tossed the calendar onto Ryder’s dresser, next to the door. “I can’t believe you would do that, you’re always so modest.”

“Yeah, well, nothing wrong with modesty,” Ryder grumbled, turning back around to try and start his studying again. “Anyway, the calendar was a fundraiser, and all the guys were doing it.”

“Oh, I’d be jumping at the chance to do a calendar like that,” Reagan said, hopping up to sit on Ryder’s desk, effectively ruining his ability to study. He sighed irritably. “I say embrace sexiness, you know?”

“I would love to hear what Mom would have to say about that,” Ryder commented, leaning back in his chair and smirking up at his sister.

“Oh, she’d say that I was allowing myself to be ‘objectified’ and that it was a step backward for women everywhere,” Reagan answered immediately, smirking back. “Of course, I’m pretty sure Mom lost hope in me shortly after the nose piercing.”

Ryder chuckled. “Nah, Mom loves you.”

“I know, it’s like I have an irresistible charm, isn’t it?” Reagan grinned as Ryder chuckled again. “So, tell me, is this calendar a sign that my baby brother is becoming more secure in his self-image?”

“Can we let the calendar go?” Ryder asked, knowing it was hopeless. Once Reagan gained interest in a subject, she never let it go until she was ready.

“I just think it’s great you’re getting over this bashful, blushing boy-next-door thing you’ve got going on!” Reagan laughed. “What you and Marley were doing earlier certainly wasn’t like your usual good boy behavior.”

“Reagan, stop it…” Ryder felt an offending blush creeping over his face.

“I can’t believe my baby brother is growing up. I was about the same age, actually I was fifteen…”

“Reagan! I don’t want to talk about sex with my older sister!” He ran his fingers up through his hair and gripped his scalp.

“I just hope you guys are using protection…”

“We’re not having sex!” Ryder exclaimed, holding his arms out to the side, symbolizing the hugeness of his answer.

Reagan stopped, looking shocked. “What? Really?”

“Yeah, really!”

“Why not?”

Ryder scoffed and ran his hand through his hair again. “Because! Because…Marley’s not ready yet, and I’m definitely not going to pressure her to do something that she’s not comfortable with. I love her, and that means more than…than sex and stuff.” Ryder stared down at his lap, biting his tongue.

Reagan was quiet for a minute. “That’s really great, Ryder,” she finally said, for a rare moment sounding serious. “Sometimes I forget there are still gentlemen in the world. I’m just glad that my baby brother is one of them.” With a smile, Reagan hopped off Ryder’s desk and left his room.

Ryder returned her smile, but as soon as his door closed, it disappeared. He swallowed deeply and leaned forward, resting his forearms on his thighs and forgetting all ideas of returning to his studying. He let out a shaky breath and bit his lip.

_Marley’s not ready. That’s true. But I’m not ready either. Not even a little bit. And I don’t know if I ever will be._

Xxx

Marley slammed her locker shut and sighed loudly that Monday after first period glee. Ryder’s eyes widened and he looked meaningfully at his girlfriend. “You okay?” he asked warily.

“I’m fine,” Marley sighed, throwing her backpack over one shoulder. “It’s just this whole diva week thing.”

“Oh,” Ryder said, barely suppressing the urge to roll his eyes at the mention of this week’s assignment. “What about it?”

“I have no chance of winning it, is all,” Marley groaned as she and Ryder walked down the hallway. “I can try, but I’m just…not a diva. I can’t be one. I don’t know what it is.”

“You don’t know what it is?” Ryder questioned, a smile coming over his face. “Well I can tell you what it is. You’re _nice_ , Marls. You care about people and how they feel and what they think of you. I don’t know why everyone in glee wants to be considered a diva. It’s not something to be proud of or sought after.”

Marley smiled as they reached the door of the classroom. “You know, you’re right,” she said, turning to face Ryder. “And thank you. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Ryder told her, smiling back. He leaned in and gave her a quick peck on the lips. “Have a good class. I’ll see you in a little bit.”

Just as Ryder walked off, Marley watching him walk down the hallway in the opposite direction, Bree the Cheerio came around the corner. Her eyes alighted on Marley and her lips curled up into a sinister smile. 

“Well, hello, Miss Rehab,” Bree greeted in her voice, oily as anything. “How’s withdrawal today?”

Marley felt her heart rate increasing and her palms sweating. She hoped she wouldn’t have to go to the nurse for an anti-anxiety pill. “I’m not an alcoholic, Bree,” Marley replied, knowing that it was unwise to respond, but not able to help herself.

“I don’t care what you are, babe, you’re an easy target and that’s all I care about,” Bree sneered, and the way she said it reminded her of the things Kitty had said the other day…about the popular girls and how they take down anyone they see as a threat.

Was Bree attacking her because she was jealous? Marley glanced up and down Bree quickly, and decided that was impossible. Bree was absolutely perfect—her complexion, her hair, her body, everything about her was perfect and beautiful. And her expression showed no signs of any insecurity that she may have.

“Just leave me alone,” Marley muttered, turning to go in the classroom.

“Is it true that you got out of gym class?” Bree asked.

Marley swallowed. Because of her anorexia, she was only allowed certain, specialized types of exercise for limited periods of time. And by doctor’s orders she had been removed from her gym class for the rest of the semester. She had an extra study hall now instead.

“It’s none of your business,” Marley murmured, glancing at the ground.

“It’s true, I mean, your class is usually out on the track while the Cheerios are practicing, so I know it’s true,” Bree shrugged, holding the straps of her backpack casually. “So what is it, your drug-addled body is too weak to handle strenuous activity?”

“I don’t do drugs,” Marley insisted desperately. 

“Or is it that your fat gene is catching up to you and you’re too _lazy_ to do gym anymore?” Bree suggested, and Marley felt that all the breath had been knocked out of her body. “I mean, it’s bound to happen sooner or later, isn’t it? With that mom of yours. We’ve all noticed the weight you’ve gained, after all.” Bree’s voice sounded very far away, and Marley felt a lump growing in her throat, nausea rising up as she heard Bree’s words again and again.

“Excuse you!” Marley snapped out of her stupor to see Unique come striding up to Bree. “What the hell do you think you’re talking to my girl about?”

“None of your beeswax, lady-man,” Bree scoffed. “Why don’t you just take your confused gendered, fat-assed self and scurry along.”

“And you take your bitch self away from us!” Unique snapped back, turning away from Bree in a huff and pulling Marley into the classroom with her. “You okay, Marley?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Marley said flatly. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” Unique asked as they sat down at their desks.

“Yes.” _No._

Xxx

“You know, I really hate how they ended this movie,” Marley commented as the credits started to roll. It was the following evening, and she and Ryder were at his house, snuggled together on one of the big couches in the den, watching—what else— _The Hunger Games_.

Ryder looked down at Marley, who was currently resting her head on his chest. “But you love this movie!” he objected. 

“Yeah, but it was a book first,” Marley pointed out, adjusting herself so she could look up at Ryder and still be snug under his arm. “And in the book…well, I don’t want to give anything away.”

A sneaky grin slowly came over Ryder’s face. “Are you referring to how at the end of _The Hunger Games_ novel, Katniss in fact reveals to Peeta that she was putting on an act for the cameras, and wasn’t actually in love with him?” Marley shot up to her knees, staring at Ryder, astounded. Ryder grinned all the wider, using his elbows to push himself up to a sitting position. 

“But in the movie, they don’t reveal that to the audience at all,” Ryder continued, his grin getting wider by the minute. “They end it with the viewers who haven’t read the book thinking that Peeta and Katniss are really in love.”

“You read the book,” Marley whispered in shock. “You read the book!”

“Yeah, and it took me for-freaking-ever, seriously, how do you read so quickly when the print is so sm--” Ryder was cut off by Marley tackling him in a long, passionate kiss, flattening them both on the couch again.

When they pulled apart, Ryder opened his eyes slowly and looked up at Marley’s glittering smile. “I’m reading _Catching Fire_ right now, if that gets me even more bonus points,” Ryder said slyly.

“I love you so much,” Marley said, kissing Ryder quickly again. “I can’t believe you read the book. I really can’t.”

“My tutor thought it would be good for me, reading a book for fun,” Ryder explained. “And it’s your favorite, so I assumed it’s great.”

“You’re great,” Marley replied quickly, her voice full of laughter. “You’re perfect.”

“No, you’re perfect,” Ryder told her, and, as was his signature, immediately silenced any objections she might make by planting his lips on hers. Marley kissed him back eagerly, relieved at the fact that Ryder’s parents weren’t at home. It had been bad enough when Reagan interrupted them—it would have been too awkward if Dr. or Mrs. Lynn had accidently walked in on this.

Marley allowed Ryder to slowly slide her beneath him, putting himself on top, both of them still lying flat on the comfortable, roomy couch. She felt Ryder open his mouth and his tongue gently pressed against her lips. She allowed her mouth to fall open and the both of them were free to explore each other more fully.

All the while, Ryder’s hands roamed Marley’s body. She used to feel nervous about this, in the few heated kissing sessions they’d had before, but she’d quickly learned that Ryder was always aware of what he was doing. His hands would explore her arms, her hair, her waist, but never stray anywhere that she would be uncomfortable with.

His lips tasted faintly like strawberries. His cologne intoxicated and overwhelmed her with its scent. His magically gentle fingers ran through her hair, and she felt goose bumps break out over her skin, making her shiver and respond to his kisses all the more eagerly. 

Ryder pulled away from her lips for a moment to place some kisses on Marley’s neck. “I love you so much,” he murmured between kisses, his voice thick with the truth—he loved her more than anything.

“I love you too,” Marley panted back, enjoying the smoothness of Ryder’s cleanly shaven chin against her skin before he swooped back to her lips. One of his hands still rested in her hair, while the other supported his weight off of her.

 _I love him_ , was what kept repeating in Marley’s mind. _He would do anything for me._ She stopped thinking of anything but Ryder. Her hands explored his broad chest, his strong back, his firm arms. Everything about him was perfect. 

_I feel so safe with him._ She slowly slid her hands further down his shirt until she reached the edge of it. Slipping her hands beneath the material, she felt his defined abs, skin-to-skin, for the first time.

“No, stop.” Ryder shot up into a kneeling position, both of his hands suddenly holding Marley’s wrists very firmly. Marley gasped with surprise as he pulled away, and stared up at him, panting, confused. Ryder’s face had never looked this way before. He looked scared, and angry, and confused, and ashamed, all at the same time. Marley was sure her own face was probably full of confusion as well.

“Ryder, I…” Marley began, not understanding in the slightest. She winced as Ryder’s grip on her wrists didn’t ease and it began to hurt. “Ryder, you’re hurting me,” she told him.

He immediately released her wrists, drawing his hands back to him quickly. “I-I’m sorry,” he apologized. His expression kept changing. His eyes were far away—like he was remembering. He slowly scooted away from Marley a bit, so he wasn’t pinning her legs down, allowing her to bring herself up to a kneeling position in front of him.

“Are you okay?” she asked shakily. “Did…did I do something wrong?”

“I just…” Ryder gulped. “I, uh…I’m not…”

“You’re not…” Marley trailed off as an idea swirled in her mind. “You’re not…you’re not comfortable?” Ryder looked down, avoiding eye contact with Marley. He seemed so embarrassed. 

Marley reached forward and grasped his hand. He started to pull away at first, but then relaxed, letting her hold it. “Hey, it’s okay,” she insisted. “If…if you’re not comfortable we don’t have to do anything.”

Ryder swallowed and nodded, still avoiding her eyes. “This isn’t how it’s supposed to work,” he muttered bitterly. “I’m not supposed to….I shouldn’t be…it’s…it’s…I-I…I…” Ryder stammered off, his breathing quick and abnormal, and his hand shook in hers.

“Hey, calm down,” Marley shushed, totally confused as to what was happening. “It’s okay. It’s okay.” Marley risked pulling Ryder into a tight hug, hoping he wouldn’t pull away again. He didn’t, and slowly his arms wrapped around her too.

They stayed like that for a while, maybe five minutes, Marley rubbing Ryder’s back as his body trembled and shook. She whispered soothing words in his ear quietly, but didn’t do anything other than hug him—she didn’t want to risk making him more uncomfortable. Eventually, his breathing evened out and he stopped shaking.

Slowly, Marley pulled away, slipping her hands into Ryder’s and looking at him, yearning for eye contact. He still avoided her gaze. “Ryder, what’s going on?” Marley finally asked in a low voice. Ryder didn’t answer. “Ryder, you just had a panic attack,” Marley said. “If…if I did something wrong, I want to know.”

“It’s not you,” Ryder said suddenly, practically cutting Marley off. “It’s not you, it’s really not you.”

Marley hesitated, so unsure of what to do. She had never, _ever_ seen Ryder this vulnerable. Even when she had been at her worst, his sadness hadn’t made him weak, ever. He’d only ever been strong. And now here he was, taking deep, shaking breaths, and unable to meet her eyes.

“It’s okay,” Marley whispered. “You don’t have to tell me anything. It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay,” Ryder disagreed, his voice steadier now. “You…you deserve an explanation.” Marley bit her lip and resettled herself, folding her legs into a crisscross position. She never let go of Ryder’s hands, which were now squeezing hers tightly.

“I’ve never told anyone this before,” Ryder said quietly. He took another deep breath. “When I was eleven years old…my parents were out for a dinner party. Reagan had a date and Gina had a sleepover, so my parents hired this college girl to babysit for me. She was a student at University of Lima, about eighteen, nineteen…I don’t really know. Anyway…I was taking a shower, and…she walked in.” Ryder stopped for a minute to close his eyes and collect himself. “She walked in and…she started touching me.”

Marley could feel the horror showing on her face, and she tried to stop it, but couldn’t. She found herself squeezing Ryder’s hands more tightly than before.

Ryder swallowed again, and continued. “I asked her to stop, and she didn’t,” he said stiffly. “And later I went to bed and she went home and I never told my parents or anyone what happened.”

Marley let out a shaking breath. “Ryder,” she whispered, her voice full of grief for him. “Ryder, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry that that happened to you. And, and I’m so, so sorry that I hurt you, or reminded you of it, or…or something.”

“It’s not your fault,” Ryder said flatly. He still hadn’t looked at her. Marley placed a hand gently on his face, cupping his cheek, and he finally glanced at her, his brown eyes locking onto her blue ones.

“I’m still sorry,” she murmured. “You don’t deserve to have had that happen to you.” Marley took a deep breath. “I really don’t know what to say, Ryder,” she confessed. “I don’t know how to make this better.”

“You can’t,” Ryder told her, a small smile coming to his face, one that didn’t reach his eyes totally. “And I don’t expect you to. It’s just something…something that you need to know about me…I’ve never really been able to be…comfortable in intimate situations since then. It’s not us kissing, or holding hands, or anything…it’s anything…closer than that.”

“We don’t have to do anything,” Marley insisted. “Not until you’re ready.”

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready, Marls,” he admitted quietly. “I try…not to think about it, like ever…and so whenever I get reminded…it’s overwhelming and I…just…can’t…do anything about it.”

Marley bit her lip. “You said you’ve never told anyone?” she murmured. “Not even your mom or dad?”

“Definitely not,” Ryder said immediately. “I…couldn’t.”

“I understand,” Marley said. “But…if you ever feel like you could, I think you should. I’ve seen your family—you’re all so close, Ryder. Your parents love you. They’d want to help.”

“What could they do?” Ryder shrugged. “It happened, and there’s…there’s no way to undo it.”

“There’s therapy,” she found herself suggesting. “You know I go. It helps. Your dad’s a psychologist, he could probably find some colleague who specializes in…in molestation victims.” Ryder’s grip tightened on her hand on the word _victims_. “But don’t do anything you don’t want to,” Marley whispered. “I’ll support whatever you do, even if it’s to never mention it again.”

Ryder nodded, and he finally smiled, a real smile. A small one, but it was real. “Thank you,” he murmured. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” Marley replied, and their lips met for the briefest of moments in a sweet, chaste kiss. By unspoken agreement, they both lay down again, snuggling up next to each other—his arm around his shoulder and hers wrapped around his chest, holding him close. To Marley, this felt even more intimate than any amount of making out ever had—she felt emotionally closer to Ryder than she ever had. 

They lay there for a while, holding each other and not speaking, simply listening to each other’s breathing. Eventually, they both felt secure and safe enough to fall into an easy sleep


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee or any of its characters.

_Marley stared in the mirror and her reflection horrified her. Rolls of fat hung off of her body. Layers and layers of it, dripping over her, hanging on every available surface. She backed away in horror._

_Suddenly, she was in front of a toilet. She threw herself to her knees, not even noticing that the fat was gone. She stuck her fingers down her throat, heaving and throwing up. Only what she threw up wasn’t digested food, or water, or bile. It was blood. Pure, red blood was spinning in the toilet bowl in front of her._

_She could feel her body weakening, she was literally watching her life blood pour out of her, she was causing it, but her fingers didn’t move from her throat. The blood kept coming._

_Something pulled her away from the toilet. She stared up, and through her haze she could see Ryder. He stared down at her with sadness and despair. “How could you do this?” he demanded. “You promised.”_

_“I’m sorry…” she heard herself mumble out.. She looked at her hands and there was blood on them. She sat up. Ryder was standing there, and so was her mom, and also Blaine and the rest of New Directions. Marley reached out for Ryder. “Please help me…” she croaked out, begging._

_Ryder started to reach for her as well, but he suddenly started to fade away. Marley’s eyes widened and she reached more desperately, trying to get up and move to him before he disappeared completely, but she couldn’t. Everyone else started to fade away too, her mother, Blaine, Kitty, Unique, everyone. “No!” Marley screamed, her voice rough. “Don’t leave me! NO!”_

“No!” Marley screamed, her eyes flying open as she pushed herself up, breathing heavily. “No, no!” she sobbed, her hands flying to bury her face in them.

“Marley!” Ryder exclaimed, pushing himself up as well, grabbing her shoulders to still her movements. 

“No!” Marley still sobbed. “No!”

“Marley, it was just a dream! You’re safe, you’re here with me!” He pulled her to him, placing her head on his chest and squeezing her tightly. “You’re safe, I’m here. It was just a dream.”

A few tears fell down Marley’s cheeks and she choked back a couple sobs as she took deep breaths. She shook in Ryder’s arms. By concentrating on the comforting feeling of Ryder’s heartbeat against her cheek, she slowly managed to separate the dream and reality, realizing she was in fact safe now. “Oh God…” she sobbed. “Ryder.”

“It’s okay,” he soothed, stroking her hair. “I’m here. It’s over. I’m here.”

“It was so bad,” she sobbed.

“I know, sweetie. But it’s over. You’re safe.”

Marley took a few more deep breaths and backed out of Ryder’s embrace. He didn’t seem eager to let her go, but he did, keeping tight hold on her shoulders. “You okay now?” he asked, concerned. “You here?”

“I’m okay,” she confirmed, sniffling and wiping away tears. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, love,” he murmured, wiping away a tear she had missed. “Do you need anything? Some water?”

“No, I’m okay,” she repeated. She sniffled again and laughed a bit. “Ryder, I shouldn’t be the one being comforted right now. It’s still your turn.”

“Marley, we’re not talking about that right now,” Ryder said quietly. “I don’t want to talk about that anymore. Right now you’re upset and I want to take care of you.”

“Ryder--”

“What was your dream about?” The look on Ryder’s face told her that his decision was final.

Marley shuddered remembering the dream, the memories of her blood swimming in the toilet before her, of her friends and family slowly disappearing in front of her. Ryder gripped her shoulders tighter, looking concerned.

“Tell me, love,” he encouraged. “It won’t seem so bad if you tell me.”

Marley swallowed and averted her gaze from Ryder’s eyes. “I…I dreamt…that I was a tribute in the Hunger Games…and I had to kill you.”

Ryder raised his eyebrows and smiled a little bit. “Well, it’s okay, that’s never going to happen, is it? It’s just a dream, and it’s over now.”

Marley nodded furiously. “Yeah,” she mumbled vaguely. “Yeah, it is.”

She couldn’t tell him what her real dream had been about—she didn’t want him to know that she’d been feeling bad again lately. Especially not now, now that he’d told her about his pain. Ryder had been there for Marley enough—despite what he’d said, she knew that now she needed to be there for him instead.

Xxx

Marley’s grandma eyed the plate in front of Marley suspiciously. “You’ve got enough then, dear?” she asked, her gaze flicking up to meet Marley’s eyes.

With a strained smile, Marley nodded. “Thanks, Grandma,” Marley mumbled, passing the serving dish to her mom. After a stress-filled week at school, Marley now had to make it through an uncomfortable dinner with her grandmother. It wasn’t that they didn’t get along, it was just that Marley’s grandma was…well, easier to take in very small doses.

“I assume you’re over those food issues by now?” Grandma asked bluntly. Marley blushed and Mrs. Rose practically dropped the plate she was holding.

“Mother,” Mrs. Rose hissed. “We don’t talk about it like that.”

“Like what?” Grandma asked, feigning innocence. 

“I’m doing great, Grandma, thanks for asking,” Marley cut in with a smile. 

Grandma shrugged and took the serving plate from Marley’s mother. “Honestly, though, the way kids behave today. When I was your age, girls didn’t feel the need to starve themselves in order to get boys’ attention.”

Marley took a deep breath, pushing food around on her plate. “That wasn’t really the point, Grandma, you know I have a boyfriend.”

“Oh right, what’s his name?” Grandma asked. “Ryan?”

“Ryder,” Marley said, grateful to grasp onto any other subject than her eating disorder. “His name’s Ryder.”

“Mmhm. And he’s a good boy?”

Marley smiled. “Yes, he is. And, uh, he’s on the football team. And in glee club with me.”

“Well isn’t that nice.” There was a pause in the conversation. “What does he think about your eating disorder?”

Mrs. Rose dropped her fork and shot her mother another look. “Mom!”

“Ryder’s been nothing but supportive,” Marley said steadily, looking her grandmother straight in the eye, swallowing her nerves about the situation. “He’s one of the reasons I was able to get better.”

“Well…that’s good then, I suppose.” The meal lapsed into silence again, and Marley systematically started cutting up all of her food into tinier and tinier pieces.

Xxx

“How are you feeling today, Marley?” Tamara, Marley’s therapist, asked as Marley settled herself in her usual armchair. Tamara picked up her notepad and crossed her legs, looking at Marley expectantly.

Marley shrugged. “I’m okay,” she said with a smile. Tamara smiled back and jotted something down on her notepad. Marley bit her lip as she watched her.

Tamara was beautiful. You’d think that a woman as beautiful as Tamara would know better than to become a counselor to eating disorder sufferers, but here she was. Not to be misunderstood, she was absolutely wonderful and great at her work, an excellent listener and she really had helped Marley a lot. But she was just so pretty—a slim figure that looked so beautiful in the crisp slacks and blouses that she wore. Her chocolate skin was flawless, not a blemish in sight, and when she smiled her teeth were white and straight.

Finishing whatever note she was making, Tamara looked back up at Marley, smiling still. “So, how was this week at school then?”

“It was…okay.”

Tamara leaned her head to the side, her thick black hair falling over one shoulder, and raised an eyebrow. “You hesitated.”

Marley shrugged again. “Well, we had this stupid glee club assignment. We had to find our…inner diva.”

“I see. And did you find yours?” Tamara wanted to know.

“No,” Marley answered, shaking her head. “I didn’t really focus on glee this week. Wasn’t really important.”

“It wasn’t?” Tamara asked. “Glee is usually your favorite thing.”

“More important things were on my mind,” Marley murmured, fiddling with the edge of the sweatshirt she was wearing. 

Tamara eyed it somewhat suspiciously. “Are you feeling at all self-consciously about how you look today?”

“I feel that way every day, obviously,” Marley snapped, and then took a deep breath to calm herself. “Sorry. This is Ryder’s sweatshirt.”

“And how’s Ryder?”

Marley paused. “Well…he’s good. Uh, he’s the ‘important things’ that were on my mind.”

“Did you have another fight?” At her appointment the previous Friday, Tamara and Marley had discussed at length the fight she and Ryder had had about the rumors.

“No, not at all,” Marley replied quickly. “I…I can’t talk about it.”

“Why is that?” 

“Well, this is about me, not about Ryder,” Marley said. “What happened between us isn’t something that I should talk about.”

“Have the two of you become sexually active?”

Wide-eyed, Marley shook her head. “N-no!” she stammered. “No, I’m…no, we’re not. W-why would you ask that?”

Tamara made a quick note. “Girls with active eating disorders tend to experience extremely low sex drives. Also, sexual activity in a recovering ED patient is sometimes harmful—it affects self-image.”

Marley shook her head again. “I’m a virgin,” she stammered out. “That doesn’t have anything to do with my eating disorder.”

“All right. Is whatever happened with you and Ryder affecting how you feel about yourself?” Tamara asked, making another note on her pad.

Marley pursed her lips at the sound of Tamara’s pen scratching on the paper. “Yeah, I guess,” she admitted.

Tamara nodded. “So whatever it is that happened with Ryder, would you say it’s affecting you in a negative or a positive way?”

Marley swallowed. “I guess negative,” she mumbled. 

“Care to elaborate on that?”

With a sigh, Marley folded her arms across her chest. “Basically, Ryder told me something very secret about himself. Something…a weakness of his. And…I finally got to be on his side, you know? I was the one in the supportive position. And it makes me feel awful that I’ve been just dumping on him all throughout my issues. He has his own, you know? And…I just need to concentrate on helping him for a while.”

Tamara leaned back in her chair. “So, finding out about this ‘weakness’ of Ryder, that made you feel…guilty?”

“Yeah, a little, I guess,” Marley murmured.

“Do you think Ryder would be upset if he knew how it made you feel?”

“Absolutely,” Marley responded, snorting a bit. “He wants to be this superhero—this perfect boyfriend who’s always there for me. And he, you know, he is that guy. But that makes me feel…awful. And knowing now that he’s not really…all-powerful or whatever, that makes me think that…I need to be that for him, for once in our relationship.”

“But if it’s hurting you, isn’t it counterproductive?”

Marley let out a sigh of frustration. “I feel like I’ve been selfish,” she said, gesturing widely. “It’s like I’ve only ever thought about myself. I never even considered how Ryder was feeling, or whether he maybe had issues too.”

“And what does that make you want to do?”

 _Purge._ That was the first thing that came to mind. She swallowed deeply. “You know, to put things right. Like I should just sort of…stop focusing on myself for once in my life and help him through what he’s going through.”

“Does Ryder love you?”

Marley blinked. “Yes, of course.”

“Well, then Ryder wouldn’t want you to ignore your own problems because of him. In fact, I think that may make him feel even worse.”

Marley rubbed her eyes and sighed again. “I really don’t know. Can we talk about something else?”

Tamara smiled. “We can talk about whatever you want,” she replied, making another note on her notepad.

“Great.” Marley searched for a topic. “I had dinner with my Grandma last night.”

“How’d that go?”

“She said some…kind of rude things about my eating disorder.”

“And how did that make you feel?”

“Fake,” Marley answered automatically. “Like…like she thinks I’m pretending as a cry for attention or something. But I’m not.”

“Of course you’re not,” Tamara agreed. “Sometimes it’s hard for the people in your life to understand fully, but I’m sure your grandmother still loves you and wants you to be healthy.”

Marley nodded absently, quickly losing interest in this therapy session. She barely managed to pay attention for the rest of the hour, and left as soon as Tamara said they were done.

xxx

Out in the parking lot, Marley glanced around for her mom’s car and didn’t see it. Someone honked their horn and she turned to see Ryder’s SUV in a parking space, and her handsome boyfriend leaning out the window beckoning to her.

She grinned and hurried over, kissing him before she even got in the car. “What are you doing here?” she asked gleefully. 

“I asked your mom if I could pick you up today,” he told her. “I wanted to see you.”

Marley got in the passenger side. “You wanted to see me?” she repeated slowly. “Why?”

Ryder glanced over at her, his face the embodiment of the word _duh._ “Because I love you?” he chuckled.

“Oh,” Marley grinned, laughing a little too. “Okay.”

“How was therapy?” he asked, looking behind him as he backed out of the space. Marley pursed her lips and sat back in the seat. Ryder glanced over at her. “Oh, not good, huh?” he said sympathetically. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Marley glanced at him. “I kind of just spent an hour doing that, so…you’ll forgive me if I say not really?” 

“Of course. Whatever you want, babe,” Ryder agreed, taking one hand off the wheel to lace his fingers through hers.

 _You’re doing it again, Marls!_ she screamed at herself internally. “How was your afternoon?” Marley asked.

“Oh, pretty good,” Ryder said. “Hey, let’s go get ice cream. It’ll make you feel better.”

“I feel fine,” Marley insisted, ignoring the increase in her heart rate. “Ryder, why is ice cream your solution to everything?"

“Uh, because ice cream makes everything better?” Ryder smirked, winking at her. Marley smiled back, albeit not as enthusiastically as she could have, and leaned her head back on the seat. Ryder, watching her out of the corner of his eye, brought the hand he held up to his mouth, kissing it gently. “I’m really proud of you Marls,” he told her. “I know therapy hasn’t been easy.”

Marley bit her lip a little angrily. Now he was making it about her again. “I’m fine,” she said again with a smile. Ryder returned it, and they drove to the ice cream parlour listening to the radio in companionable silence.

xxx

“You sure you don’t want a sundae or something, babe?” Ryder asked, glancing at the cup that Marley had just been handed, containing a single scoop of chocolate ice cream.

“No, I’m sure,” Marley said, waving his comments away. “I’m gonna have dinner when I get home, I don’t want to ruin my appetite.” Ryder didn’t look convinced, but he shrugged and received his own ice cream cone before paying the cashier. He and Marley took a seat at a table by the window.

Marley took a tiny bite of ice cream and made herself swallow it. It tasted too sweet, too sugary for some reason. She could practically feel her body rejecting it. But she could feel Ryder looking at her, and so she smiled at him. “Thanks for this, sweetie,” she said. “It’s really nice.”

“I kind of got the idea you didn’t really have a great week,” Ryder commented, licking his own ice cream. “So, I just kind of wanted to cheer you up.”

 _There he goes again._ “Oh, my week was fine,” she deflected. “I was just bored all the time in glee. I’m glad Tina won though, I’m not sure I was prepared for the hissy fit that would have happened if she hadn’t.”

“Yeah, she would have been pretty mad, I bet,” Ryder agreed, chuckling. “Is Blaine feeling better?”

“Oh yeah, apparently he’s totally over that cold he had,” Marley replied, forcing another bite of ice cream down her throat. _I can’t do this, I have to purge._ She grabbed a napkin and methodically started tearing it into tiny pieces to occupy her shaking hands. “So, um, Mr. Schue’s wedding is next week, huh?”

“Yeah, I guess it is. It’s weird. I’ve barely met Mr. Schue.”

“That’s right, you didn’t join until after he’d left,” Marley mused. “I mean, I barely know Mr. Schue either. I feel like Finn is our teacher, not him.”

“Well, Finn’ll still be around, I guess,” Ryder commented. “I’m just hoping it won’t be weird, having a different coach halfway through the season.”

“It’ll probably be fine,” Marley shrugged. “Mr. Schue seemed okay for the first few weeks of the year, plus, you know, we both had him for history before he left. He seems fine. A little full of himself, but okay.”

Ryder’s eyes fell on the napkin bits that were littered in front of Marley. “Yeah,” he said quietly. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I don’t feel very good though,” Marley said quickly. “I think I’m overly tired, from glee and school and therapy and everything.”

Ryder’s look changed from suspicion to concern. “You should take a rest this weekend,” he suggested.

“That’s what I’ll do,” Marley agreed, stirring her ice cream rather than eating it, causing it to melt faster. She took another bite, wincing ever so slightly at the sugary taste on her tongue. _Purge. Purge, purge, purge._

“You don’t want to be sick for next week,” Ryder informed her, a smile growing on his face.

“Why’s that?” Marley asked, feeling her own smile enlarge as well. “Does it have something to do with February 14th?”

“You’ll find out next week, won’t you?” Ryder teased smugly. He glanced at Marley’s cup of ice cream, so quickly that Marley wondered if maybe she’d imagined it. Playing it safe, she took a fourth bite, trying to make it a big one, and then tossed her bits of torn-up napkin into it, covering up what was left. She smothered a cough, and Ryder looked concerned again. “Do you want to go home now, babe?” he asked.

“Can we?” she asked gratefully. She hadn’t been lying—she really didn’t feel all that great; she’d probably caught Blaine’s cold. They left, Marley tossing her barely eaten ice cream cup in the trash on the way out the door.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee or any of its characters.

“You know what tomorrow is, right?” Ryder’s voice murmured over the phone Sunday night. Marley lay in her bed while she talked to her boyfriend, staring at the ceiling as she smiled at the sound of his voice.

“Um, Monday?” Marley teased, pulling her hair over one shoulder and finger-combing the tangles out.

“It’s February 13th,” Ryder laughed. “Which means that the next day is February 14th. Valentine’s Day.”

“So, shouldn’t I be looking forward to Tuesday, then?” Marley asked.

“Nope. One day isn’t enough for me to lavish you with all the cheesy holiday love I have planned.”

Marley broke out into a grin. “Oh really?” she asked, giggling excitedly.

Ryder laughed too. “Oh yeah, prepare to be wooed.”

“I appreciate your use of the word ‘wooed.’”

“Why, thank you. I believe it’s underused.”

“I agree.”

They bantered like that for a while longer until Marley started yawning. “You’re tired, babe,” Ryder informed her. “You should go to sleep.”

“You should too,” Marley told him through another yawn. “If you have such big plans for this week, you’ll need your rest.”

“Absolutely. I’ll see you tomorrow, bright and early. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Marley replied, smiling again as she waited for Ryder to hang up first, and then rolled over to go to sleep.

xxx

Someone covered Marley’s eyes from behind while she stood at her locker. “Guess who?” Ryder whispered in her ear.

“Hm, is it my secret lover Josh Hutcherson?” Marley teased.

She heard Ryder chuckle and she turned around in his arms to face him. “No, unfortunately just your boring real-life boyfriend,” Ryder replied. He reached into his bag and pulled out a heart-shaped candy box, a sneaky grin coming over his face. “Who comes bearing presents, by the way.”

Marley grinned and took the box. “Ryder!” she squealed. “Thank you!” _Of course the first thing you got me was chocolates. Of course._ Despite her inner voice, Marley flung an arm around Ryder’s neck, giving him a long hug and a kiss on the cheek. “You’re the sweetest,” she told him.

“Only the best for you,” Ryder told her with a smile, slipping an arm around her shoulder and squeezing lightly. “So, shall we go to glee?”

“Sure, I guess we need to go welcome back Mr. Schue,” Marley agreed, shutting her locker and walking away with Ryder. A little ways down the hall, she realized something. “Oh, shoot…” she murmured. “I forgot my notebook. Hold on a sec.” She turned around to walk quickly back to her locker, and ran right into someone. 

“Oh, geez, I’m sorry,” the someone said, as Marley stumbled over herself. “You okay?”

“I’m so sorry,” Marley apologized, looking up to see who it was she’d run into. She frowned, realizing that he looked vaguely familiar. “Hey, aren’t you…uh…Kurt?”

Kurt Hummel smiled. “Oh yeah, Marley, right? Hi, how are you?”

“I’m all right,” Marley replied with a smile. “Have you met Ryder?”

“Ah, the dreamy Danny Zuko,” Kurt mused, smiling at Ryder. “Nice to finally meet you, Ryder. I'm Kurt Hummel, New Directions alumnus. I really enjoyed your performance in _Grease_ last fall.”

“Thanks, man,” Ryder replied. “You in town for Mr. Schue’s wedding then, I guess?”

“I am indeed,” Kurt replied cheerfully.

“Does Blaine know you’re here yet?” Marley asked.

Kurt opened his mouth to answer, but never got any words out. “ _Kurt!”_ Blaine Anderson exclaimed as he came jogging down the hallway.

“He does now,” Kurt said with a smile to Marley and Ryder as Blaine reached the three of them, a little out of breath.

“I wasn’t expecting to see you until tomorrow!” Blaine said, sounding bewildered but ecstatic. “When did you get here?”

“Rachel, Santana, and I all flew down last night,” Kurt explained with a laugh. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Blaine questioned, his grin growing on his face.

“I wanted to surprise you,” Kurt admitted. “Rachel was coming by McKinley to work on her duet with Finn for the reception, so I just thought I’d…stop by and see everyone.”

“I’m glad you did,” Blaine said with a smile, him and Kurt sharing a meaningful moment of eye contact. Then Blaine cleared his throat. “Hey, I’m on my way to glee right now, walk with me to the choir room.” 

“Lead the way,” Kurt suggested. “You coming, Marley, Ryder?”

“Be there in a sec,” Marley replied with a smile. When Kurt had been led off towards the choir room by Blaine, Ryder turned to look at Marley. 

“I thought Santana lived in Kentucky,” he said, confused. Marley shrugged and went back to her locker to get the notebook she had forgotten.

xxx

“So, did Tina look like she was going to explode all through glee this morning, or was that just me?” Ryder asked as he pulled into the parking lot of the Lima Bean after school. 

Marley shrugged as she undid her seatbelt and got out of the car. “I don’t know why she’d be mad,” she replied, taking Ryder’s hand after his car lock beeped. “She did sort of glare at Kurt a little bit.”

“Maybe they don’t like each other,” Ryder commented. Marley shrugged again, and they walked into the coffee shop together.

“Hey, Ryder, Marley.” They looked over and saw Blaine waving at them. He was standing by a table with Kurt, both of them just taking off their coats like they’d also just arrived.

“Speak of the devil!” Ryder joked. He and Marley walked over to the two boys, Marley giving Blaine an eager hug.

“Do you two want to join us?” Kurt offered. 

“Yeah, yeah, sit down, grab a chair,” Blaine said, grabbing one for Marley from a nearby table. “Kurt I’ll get your drink for you.”

“You know what I want,” Kurt replied with a smile.

“Skinny vanilla latte, babe?” Ryder verified as he pulled a chair for himself to the table. Marley nodded and Ryder walked off with Blaine towards the counter, leaving Kurt and Marley at the table.

“Isn’t it cute when they know our coffee order?” Kurt joked to Marley.

She smiled. “Yeah, it is,” she agreed. “So, are you and Blaine…?” She let her question trail off.

“Back together? Oh no, we’re just…trying to be friends, you know…” He gestured vaguely, for some reason using jazz hands.

“Well, that’s good,” Marley replied. “I know Blaine’s been a lot happier since you and he started talking again. He was…really depressed for a while.”

Kurt furrowed his eyebrows and glanced at Blaine, over in the coffee line. “Wait…what do you mean by ‘really depressed?’”

“I mean…he didn’t smile for like two weeks, I think, not genuinely,” Marley explained. “While we were doing _Grease,_ he would go out, sing his song, and then he’d just go backstage again and sit in a corner, not doing anything. He got thinner, and I don’t think he was eating as much. He was falling asleep in class…he wore the same cardigan twice in one week and I heard him say to Sam that he didn’t even gel on the weekends anymore, and now that I know Blaine better I know how big of a deal both of those things are.”

Kurt appeared dumbstruck. “Wow, I…I had no idea he was doing so badly, I mean…um…” Kurt awkwardly trailed off.

“I’m sorry, I thought you knew about it,” Marley apologized awkwardly.

“No, I didn’t,” Kurt answered. “But I should have. Thanks for telling me.”

“But like I said, he’s really gotten better,” Marley continued. “Since you guys started talking again.”

“And since he’s been spending time with you,” Kurt said with a smile. “He talks about you a lot.”

“He does?” Marley grinned. “Well, he is my ‘big brother.’”

Blaine and Ryder came back to the table with coffees in hand. The four of them talked about various subjects—Kurt’s first semester at NYADA, the wedding, Rachel’s upcoming _Funny Girl_ audition—and drank their hot beverages for about a half hour before Marley and Ryder bid their farewells and left.

Kurt observed Marley put on her coat and walk out, her hand firmly encased in one of Ryder’s. Once the front door had closed behind them, Kurt turned back to face Blaine. “She really is thin, isn’t she?” he commented. “She’s skinnier than I remember, anyway.”

“Yeah, I don’t think she’s ever gotten back to her original weight,” Blaine agreed. “I’m always so worried about her.”

“Why?” Kurt asked.

“Well, I mean, I put myself in this position for her—this mentor, big brother position—and told her to come to me with any problems she may have. But she didn’t talk to me about her eating disorder. She didn’t even tell Ryder, he had to catch her in the act. And now I’m wondering if I’m…you know, taking enough notice of her. Checking up on her enough.”

Kurt pursed his lips and folded his hands on the tabletop, looking thoughtful. “I know what you mean,” he said. “I’ve felt nervous about Santana too, and she’s only been living with us for a few days.”

Blaine raised his eyebrows and bit his lip nervously. Santana’s eating disorder was something that everyone in glee knew about, but never mentioned. She’d never been as bad as Marley was, but literally everyone knew that she regularly ate less than 800 calories a day and over-exercised. 

“I’ve heard her doing jumping jacks and stuff at like three in the morning, and she hasn’t eaten breakfast once since moving in last week,” Kurt sighed. “But I can’t control Santana, and you can’t control Marley. I think if Marley doesn’t say anything, you’ve got to assume she’s okay,” Kurt continued. “If you hover over her, constantly asking if she’s all right or if she’s eating enough, she might get annoyed with you, maybe feel smothered, and then she definitely won’t come to you with any problems she may have in the future. Let Ryder keep his eye on her. He looks like he cares about her a lot—they’re adorable.”

“Yeah,” Blaine agreed vaguely, staring at his coffee cup. “I just don’t want someone close to me to be hurting that badly and be clueless about it.”

 _He was…really depressed._ Marley’s voice in Kurt’s memory nagged at him. “I get that, too,” Kurt murmured.

xxx

“I still can’t believe you sang that song in front of our whole history class.” Marley was still gushing about her latest Valentine gift from Ryder as they walked towards the front door of the church the next afternoon, ready to see Mr. Schue get married.

“Anything for you,” Ryder said, giving Marley’s hand a squeeze. “Hey look, it’s Mercedes!” Both Marley and Ryder waved. Mercedes waved back, a bit distracted as she walked towards the parking lot. She stopped at a car and looked in the back window.

“That’s Blaine’s car,” Marley observed, as Mercedes rapped on the window, and then she gasped aloud as the door opened, revealing Kurt on top of Blaine, both of them looking disheveled. Marley threw a hand over her mouth to stifle her giggles and tugged a laughing Ryder towards the church more quickly.

Inside the church, Ryder was very specific about where he wanted to sit—Marley found out why when she got to the pew he pointed out. “Ryder!” she squealed upon seeing the large bouquet that was waiting for her. “Oh my gosh, these are beautiful!”

“I know that peonies are your favorite,” he smiled, planting a small kiss on her cheek.

“They’re the queen of flowers,” Marley stated, pulling Ryder’s face back for a more substantial kiss on the lips.

“You two are disgusting,” Kitty grumbled as joined them in the pew. Jake, of all people, accompanied her. 

“Thanks, Kitty,” Ryder answered, raising an eyebrow. “Glad to see you have the Valentine’s Day spirit.”

“Valentine’s Day is a fake holiday made up by the greeting card and chocolate industry in order to sucker pathetic hopeless romantics out of their money,” Kitty said monotonously as she pulled out a compact and started reapplying lipstick.

“Spoken like a true single lady,” Jake commented, sitting next to Kitty. She shot him a look.

Marley and Ryder exchanged a small smile, and sat as well, Marley comfortably snuggled under Ryder’s arm.

xxx

“Is it bad that we’re here having such a good time when Mr. Schue just got left at the altar?” Marley asked Ryder loudly as they danced at the reception. Blaine and Kurt were on the stage singing _Just Can’t Get Enough._

Ryder shrugged. “He’s the one who said to go on with the party,” he reminded her. “We are only following his orders.”

Marley giggled. “Fair enough.” Brittany grabbed Marley’s arm and pulled her towards the front of the stage, where they harmonized into a microphone for backup to Blaine and Kurt’s singing.

Grinning, Ryder used her distraction as an opportunity to go back to the chair where he’d left his jacket draped. He reached into the pocket and pulled out the box from the jewelry store.

“More presents?” Ryder turned around to see Jake standing there, beer in hand.

Ryder furrowed his eyebrows looking at the drink that Jake held. “How’d you manage to get that?” Ryder couldn’t help but ask.

“Puck,” Jake said, gesturing over his shoulder to where his half-brother was chatting up some bridesmaids. “He can get you one too, if you want.”

“No thanks,” Ryder declined, opening the box to make sure the necklace was laying correctly. Jake came over to get a better look.

“Pretty,” was all Jake had to say of the silver heart pendant. “Look, Ryder, man…I wanted to straighten things out between us.”

Ryder replaced the lid of the box and glanced over at Marley. She was laughing and talking with Brittany and Sam. “What do you mean?” he asked Jake, figuring he could take a few minutes to talk to him.

“You were right; I was being a sore loser over Marley,” Jake admitted, and Ryder raised an eyebrow, interested. “And I want you to know, I’m totally over it. Completely 100%, wish you two the absolute best.”

“What brought on this change of heart?” Ryder asked. “A couple weeks ago you were insisting you were the better option for her.”

Jake shrugged. “You know, I see how much you love her,” he said. “I guess I just had to get over myself and realize that maybe I’m not everything and a bag of chips. I’m better at being single anyway. Plus…I respect you, man, and I want us to be bros. And that can’t really happen if I’m drooling after your girlfriend, can it?”

Ryder chuckled. “Well, thanks, Jake,” he murmured. He stuck out his hand and Jake shook it. Ryder saw Marley looking around the dance floor for him. “If you’ll excuse me though, Jake, I have a girlfriend to go delight.” With that, Ryder headed over to Marley again.

“There you are,” Marley squealed, placing her hands on Ryder’s shirtfront, pulling him down to kiss her quickly. 

“Here I am,” Ryder confirmed, and then held out the box. “Happy Valentine’s Day, love.”

Her eyes wide, Marley opened the box and pulled out the necklace. “Oh my God, Ryder, it’s just beautiful,” she breathed. She undid the clasp on the necklace she was wearing and Ryder fastened the new one around her neck. Marley touched the pendant, grinning. “Thank you so much,” she gushed, kissing Ryder again.

xxx

Later that night, Marley had her head lying on Ryder’s shoulder as they slow-danced to Finn and Rachel’s duet. She tried to concentrate just on how happy she was at this moment and how thankful she was that she was here with the boy she loved, but she couldn’t stop her brain from listing the food that she’d eaten.

 _One half of a red velvet cupcake, two glasses of punch, three bites of wedding cake, half of a chicken breast…_ Marley found herself feeling both ashamed and proud of the way she’d managed to not finish anything that had been on her plate by conveniently seeing someone she needed to talk to and throwing things away before Ryder could notice. She just couldn’t eat that much, she didn’t know why everyone couldn’t get that. She wasn’t doing anything wrong—most of the food here was unhealthy anyway.

With her inner voice still nagging at her about calories, Marley opened her eyes to look around her. She saw Blaine whispering in Kurt’s ear near the door. A grin snuck over Kurt’s face and he grabbed Blaine’s hand, walking out with him. Artie also wheeled out, along with some other girl in a wheelchair.

“I think we’ve reached the point in the night where everyone starts hooking up,” Marley observed with a blush creeping over her cheeks as she watched Quinn and Santana, both clearly very drunk, stumble out of the reception hall, hands all over each other.

“Well, it’s Valentine’s Day, and it’s a wedding with an open bar,” Ryder chuckled. “It was bound to happen sooner or later.” The song ended, and Ryder kissed Marley’s cheek. “Hey it’s getting late, and we have school tomorrow, do you want to go soon?”

“Yeah, actually,” Marley agreed, and Ryder and her walked back to their table to grab their coats. As Marley put on her coat she saw Finn walk out with Rachel Berry, hand-in-hand, and then Sam and Brittany go out not long after.

Ryder and Marley bid farewells to the friends who were still left at the reception, and then head out the door. “I hope people don’t think we’re going upstairs too,” Marley worried a bit, glancing behind her.

“Don’t worry about it,” Ryder told her. “Besides, we’re going this way and the elevators to the rooms are that way…” He trailed off as he gestured down the hall and they both saw something unexpected—Jake Puckerman and Kitty Wilde, locked in an intense makeout as the waited for the elevator to arrive.

After exchanging an awkward look, Ryder and Marley left before they could be noticed—not that the couple was coming up for air anytime soon. “I didn’t think they were dating again,” Marley commented, attempting to sound casual.

“I…have no idea,” Ryder told her, remembering how Jake had called Kitty a single lady at the wedding and referred to his own bachelor status just an hour ago. 

xxx

The next morning at school, Marley caught sight of Kitty at her locker, yawning. With a grin, Marley made her way over through the crowd. “Heeyyy,” Marley greeted in a sing-song voice. 

Kitty gave her a withering look, slowly shutting her locker. “You’re cheerful,” she complained. “Cheerful makes me break out in hives. What’s up, did you get some last night or something?”

“No, but you did,” Marley whispered excitedly as she and Kitty started down the hall towards the choir room. 

Biting her lip to hold back a smile, Kitty ducked her head. “How do you know that?” she demanded.

“Ryder and I saw you and Jake waiting for the elevators!” Marley squealed. “Why didn’t you tell me you two were back together?”

“We’re not!” Kitty objected, an incredulous look coming over her face. “I know this may be news to you, Laura Ingalls Wilder, but there is something called casual sex and it’s pretty popular in this day and age.”

Marley’s excitement slowly faded away, leaving her slightly deflated. “Oh.” There was a pause. “I thought you were like, aggressively Christian anyway.”

“I can be a Christian and still have sex, you know,” Kitty replied with a little snap in her voice. “There’s nothing wrong with it.”

“I agree!” Marley quickly said. 

Kitty’s eyebrows raised in interest. “Oh really?” she purred, her interest growing. “Tell me, have you left virgin-hood behind? Did Honey Boo-Boo finally get her cherry popped?”

“Kitty!” Marley exclaimed quietly, looking around to see if anyone had heard her. “No!”

“Really?” Kitty looked disappointed. “Geez, I would have thought Bieber 2.0 would have had a crack at that by now, you two are always so lovey-dovey.” Marley rolled her eyes and didn’t respond. “Oh come on, I’m just teasing,” Kitty groaned.

“I know,” Marley replied. “Ryder and I are just…taking things at a slow pace.”

“Yeah, more like a glacial pace,” Kitty snorted. “Again, teasing!”

Marley laughed. “So how long has this…thing with Jake been going on?”

Kitty shrugged. “A while. It started at a party a few weeks ago. We both had too much to drink, and next thing you know I’m in bed with Three Nipples. Who, for the record, actually has a perfect body and a _huge_ \--”

Marley made a strangled sound and cut Kitty off. “Kitty!” she exclaimed, a blush coming over her cheeks and breaking out into giggles.

Laughing, Kitty shook her head. “Oh boy, you really are a virgin aren’t you?” she snickered as they walked into the choir room.

As they walked over, both giggling, Ryder smiled at the two of them. “What’s so funny?” he asked, clueless.

“Nothing,” Marley insisted, attempting to stifle her giggles. She shared a glance with Kitty and both of them broke out into fresh laughter. “Nothing at all.”

xxx

Ryder walked into the locker room before gym. Jake was at his locker next to Ryder’s, changing out of his workout clothes after his own class. As he walked over and set his bag down, Ryder greeted Jake with quick nod of his head. “Hey,” he said, spinning the dial on his lock.

“What’s up?” Jake asked. He pulled off his sweaty t-shirt and tossed it in the locker, and tugged his clean one over his head. “Dude, I scored _big_ time at the wedding last night.”

“You mean with Kitty? I saw you two sucking face by the elevators,” Ryder clarified, pulling open the locker and taking out his gym clothes, glancing at Jake out of the corner of his eye. He looked proud of himself. 

“I do, oh man, I do,” Jake hummed. “Let’s just say some kittens have claws.” He laughed at his own joke as he closed the locker.

Ryder turned to face Jake as he took off his button down that he had on over a t-shirt. “Why do you say it like that?” he asked.

“Well, because her name’s Kitty—I was being clever, dude.”

“No, you ‘scored?’” Ryder used air quotes. “I mean, is it a game? Kitty’s not a trophy or anything.”

Jake chuckled. “Dude, you hate Kitty anyway, what’s the issue?”

“Hey, she’s Marley’s friend so I’m making an effort to get along with her,” Ryder said, holding his hands up in a defensive gesture. “I just don’t think it’s very cool of guys to act like girls are just…you know, a prize in a game. I can’t think that, I grew up with four big sisters and a feminist mother.”

“Kitty’s not complaining,” Jake shrugged. “We’ve been having sex for a while, and she doesn’t want anything to do with a relationship. I told you last night, I’m not cut out for the whole monogamy thing, not like you.”

Ryder shrugged too, shaking his head a little. “I mean, do what you want, man, as long as Kitty’s cool with it, I guess.”

Laughing, Jake nodded. “Oh, trust me, she’s _very_ cool with it.” Ryder chuckled too. “How ‘bout you? You get lucky at all last night?”

“Dude!” Ryder exclaimed as he pulled on his exercise shirt. “Not cool, Marley would be so embarrassed if I talked about our personal life like that.”

“Oh you so _did!_ ” Jake laughed. “Oh man, that’s awesome, good for you.”

“Hey, hey, whoa,” Ryder said, holding up a hand to stop Jake’s congratulations. “Not that it’s any of your business, and you’re _never_ to repeat it, but we haven’t had sex yet. Marley’s not ready for that.”

Jake’s mirth faded away from his face. “What, really?”

“Yeah, really,” Ryder said quietly as he swapped his jeans for basketball shorts. “And I’m trusting you not to go blabbing about stuff like that okay?”

“Hey, ‘course not man,” Jake said quickly. “I know that there have been rumors flying about Marley—I wouldn’t do anything to encourage them. Plus like I told you last night. We’re bros, and I honor the code.”

Ryder smiled and accepted the fist bump that Jake offered. “Thanks dude,” he said, putting his school clothes in his locker and shutting it.

“Just between us though, _you’ve_ had sex before, right?” Jake asked. 

Ryder rolled his eyes and threw his hands in the air. “Really?”

“Dude, don’t tell me you haven’t,” Jake groaned. “You’re Ryder Lynn, star of the football team. Any girl in this school would jump your bones if given the chance. C’mon, have you?”

“I…” Ryder hesitated. He felt a bout of nausea suddenly start to come on and cleared his throat. “I mean, yeah, of course.” _Only a little bit of a lie._

Jake broke out into a grin and slapped Ryder on the back. “That’s my boy!” he praised. “I knew you had it in you, never doubted you for a second.” The warning bell rang. “Shit…I got Mr. Schue’s class and he’s in such a bad mood with being left at the altar, I shouldn’t be late. Hey, catch up to you later, aright man?”

Ryder nodded and Jake left the locker room, leaving Ryder there feeling physically ill.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee or any of its characters.

Marley leaned into the mirror of the girls bathroom, reapplying her lip gloss as the other New Directions girls gossiped and giggled around her. Her face looked unfamiliar framed with short curls, her long hair folded and tucked under to give her the desired Marilyn-esque hairstyle. After she had finished applying the color to her already-perfect lips, she slowly twisted the cap back onto the tube, still staring at her reflection blankly.

She hated the dresses that Tina had picked. They were strapless, and made her arms look like round, meat-filled sausages. Enviously, she glanced at Unique out of the corner of her eye. Why did she get to have sleeves, and Marley didn’t? Unique wasn’t at all self-conscious about her weight. 

Looking back to the mirror, Marley surreptitiously tugged at the close-fitting material, wishing it weren’t quite so tight. She felt like she didn’t have room to breathe, like she was about to bust right out of it in front of everyone…

“Hey, Marley, do you have a tampon?” Marley snapped herself out of her thoughts to see that Sugar was standing next to her, looking expectant. 

“Huh? Oh…yeah.” Marley shook herself and reached into the pocket of her backpack for a tampon, which she handed to Sugar. Tampons were something that she had no shortage of these days—her period had yet to return after disappearing during the course of her eating disorder. The doctors said it was normal, and that her body probably wouldn’t return to its normal cycles until she reached a higher weight—that only made Marley feel worse, because she was almost convinced that she couldn’t gain any more weight without becoming a walking tub of lard.

“Thanks!” Sugar said, taking it and heading for the stalls. Marley saw Kitty glance after Sugar as well, then look at Marley, and then back at her cell phone in her hands, all in the span of a second or two. It was so quick that Marley might have been mistaken, but she couldn’t help but feel Kitty looked upset.

“Hey, guys, we should get in there!” Tina reminded all of them a few minutes later, when everyone was ready. No one wanted to contradict the club’s number one diva, so they all started to leave. Marley, biting her lip, made a split second decision to run up and link her arm through Kitty’s.

Kitty gave her a sideways glance but didn’t pull away. “Hi?” she said in a questioning tone. “Are you being really hyper and cheerful again?”

Marley shrugged. “Nope, just friendly,” she said with a smile. Kitty raised an eyebrow but otherwise didn’t respond, looking forward as they followed at the back of the pack of girls. Marley bit her lip again. “Kitty, are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Kitty snapped quickly. “Why?”

“You just kind of look like you’re about to puke.”

Kitty’s head turned towards Marley so quickly, Marley would have thought her head would have snapped off. Marley braced herself for a mean comeback. Kitty hesitated, and then seemed to change her mind. “Funny word choice for a bulimic,” she joked instead.

Marley forced a smile. “Actually I’m an anorexic,” she replied, and Kitty smiled as well, the motion not reaching her eyes. They reached the choir room, greeted by whistles and catcalls from the _lovely_ young gentlemen of New Directions, and Marley dropped the topic.

xxx

Ryder didn’t meet her by her locker before seventh period the next day, a Thursday. Marley waited until the bell was about to ring before hurrying to their health class, assuming he’d be in there.

But when she walked in, the first thing she saw was his empty desk next to hers. She slowly sat down, setting down her books and pulling out her phone.

From: Marley  
Where are you?

It didn’t take him long to respond; just as the bell was ringing her phone buzzed.

From: Ryder <3  
libary

From: Marley  
Why?? We have health.

From: Ryder <3  
I no. not goeing.

Marley furrowed her eyebrows in confusion and started to type another response. “Excuse me, Miss Rose.” Marley looked up to see Mr. Everett, her health teacher, looking pointedly at her. “Class has begun, so if you’ll please leave your texting until _after_ class.”

She hurriedly put her phone in her pocket. “Sorry, Mr. Everett,” she apologized, feeling a blush come over her as some students around her giggled. 

“Everyone settle down,” Mr. Everett continued in his monotonous voice. “Turn to page 245 in your books.”

Marley opened her book and turned to the mentioned page, still wondering why Ryder, Ryder the eternal good boy, would skip a class. They were starting a new chapter today, and he was always so worried about falling behind since it took him so much longer to read his assignments. Then she reached the page and read the title of the chapter. _Oh_ , was the only thought that went through her head.

_Sexual Assault in Children, Adolescents, and Adults_

Suddenly, Ryder’s skipping class made a lot more sense.

xxx

Ryder chewed on the inside of his cheek anxiously as he sat in an armchair in the library. His arms were resting on his thighs, hands clasped together, head bowed. He probably looked like he was praying. He sort of was, though. Bargaining, more like it.

 _I just want to forget,_ he thought. _I didn’t think about it for years. And now I can’t stop._

He inhaled and exhaled deeply through his nose, calming himself as he tried to put up a wall against the memories that were sneaking through to his consciousness.

“Ryder?” He nearly jumped right out of his seat as someone said his name, shocking him out of his deep thoughts. Clutching a hand to his chest, Ryder saw Finn standing in front of him, looking startled by Ryder’s intense reaction. “Whoa, sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you or anything.”

“Finn. Jesus,” Ryder said, sighing in an annoyed way. 

“What are you doing in here?” Finn asked, taking a seat next to Ryder. “Don’t you have class?”

Ryder sighed again, biting his lip in annoyance. “Yeah. I’m skipping. Are you gonna write me up?”

“I’m not technically a teacher, so I don’t think I can…” Finn observed, looking a little put-off by Ryder’s anger. “Skipping? That doesn’t seem like you, man, something up?”

Shaking his head, Ryder looked away. “Nothing’s up. I’m fine.”

“Is it Marley or something?” Finn asked.

“No, she’s fine, I’m fine, we’re all fine,” Ryder snapped, earning a shushing from the librarian. He glared at her and then at Finn, grabbing his backpack as he stood up. “Look, just…I’ll see you later, all right, Finn? Sorry.”

Finn grabbed Ryder’s arm as he tried to stalk away. Ryder looked back to jerk it away, but something in Finn’s face made him stop. Finn was so…concerned. He was confused. And he was worried for Ryder. “Are you sure you’re all right?” Finn asked a final time, looking Ryder dead in the eye. 

Ryder almost wanted to say something. This was _Finn_. The guy who’d convinced him to audition for _Grease_. Hell, without him, Ryder probably still wouldn’t have known that Marley even existed, as horrible as that seemed. He probably would have never realized about his dyslexia if Finn hadn’t convinced him to take that diagnostic test. Finn had been who Ryder had gone to (well, after Blaine) when Marley had been sick. Finn could be trusted.

He could tell him. He could tell Finn about this secret that he had kept hidden away for so long, about how he hadn’t thought about it for years and now couldn’t seem to forget. He could tell Finn about the ridiculous shame and embarrassment he felt about what had happened—how he couldn’t even progress his relationship with his girlfriend because of how messed up he was from what that woman had done to him.

But he couldn’t. He stared into Finn’s understanding face for a solid five seconds before he swallowed deeply and took a shaking breath. “I’m sure,” he lied, jerking his arm from Finn’s grasp. “I’ll see you later, man.” He headed for the library entrance.

“Ryder?” Finn called, sounding bewildered, as Ryder walked away. “Hey, don’t be late for glee practice, man, I’ll be looking for you.”

 _He’s worried about me,_ Ryder thought, dread growing in his heart and eating away at his conscience. Finn only wanted to help, but Ryder had pushed him away. He shook his head at his own thoughts. _That’s exactly what I don’t want. I’m not gonna be pitied. I’ve lasted this long without anyone’s help or pity; I don’t need it now._

xxx

“Hey,” Marley greeted, grabbing Ryder’s arm when she saw him at his locker after eighth period.

He smiled at her, but it didn’t seem as genuine as normal. “Hey,” he replied, placing a kiss on her lips. “How are you?”

“I’m fine, how are you?” she responded in a low voice, staring at their hands as she laced her fingers slowly through his.

Ryder shrugged, looking the picture of nonchalance as he flipped his bangs from his forehead and put a couple notebooks in his backpack to take home. “I’m great.”

“You skipped health today,” Marley observed carefully. 

“I did.”

“We started the new chapter.”

“I know.”

“Are you going to read it on your own?”

“Probably not.”

Marley sighed. “What are you going to do, skip every class until the chapter is over?”

“Should only take a few days. It’ll only be a couple questions on the next test anyway.”

“Ryder--”

“I don’t want to discuss it,” Ryder cut Marley off, politely as possible. “You said you’d respect that, right?”

Marley clamped her lips shut. _So I did._ “Of course,” she murmured. “I’m sorry.”

Ryder flashed a quick, grateful smile at her, and they walked hand-in-hand towards the choir room. Once they got there, they were nearly run over by the other New Directions members, all of whom were on their ways back out the door.

“What’s going on?” Ryder asked, confused, as he pulled Marley out of the way of Artie’s wheels going over her toes.

“Field trip!” Brittany exclaimed loudly, giggling and executing a small spin as she hurried along with everyone else.

“Field trip where?” Marley asked, she and Ryder joining the crowd of glee kids, all of them following after Mr. Schue.

“Finn and Artie found out where Miss Pillsbury is,” Blaine explained, dropping back to walk next to Marley. “And we’re all going there to help Mr. Schue win her back.”

Ryder nodded slowly. “Right, because twelve high schoolers in the background makes it that much more intimate and romantic.”

Blaine shrugged and they went their separate ways in the parking lot. Blaine took a group of glee kids in his car and Ryder volunteered to drive some people too (they both had the biggest cars). Marley ended up sitting in the front seat of Ryder’s SUV, with Kitty, Jake, and Unique in the backseat.

As Ryder followed Blaine and Mr. Schue to Miss Pillsbury’s sister’s house, everyone chatted amiably. Most everyone. After a few minutes, Marley couldn’t help but notice that Kitty was being unusually quiet. A few times, her gaze flicked over to Jake, who was next to her, but mainly she stared out the window, her eyes blank and expressionless.

Marley tried to draw Kitty out once. “You awake, Kitty?” she asked in a cheerful voice, attempting to get Kitty to snap out of whatever funk she was in. All that happened was Kitty giving a noncommittal grunt. Jake exchanged a quick look with Marley and nudged Kitty a bit, but she only pulled herself closer to the window. Jake shrugged and turned back to his conversation with Ryder.

xxx

“…and so after we’d driven thirty minutes out of town after Mr. Schue, with his crazy, erratic driving, stood in the cold snow in the driveway and sang backup to a song that we’d all learned in the car on the way over, and given up our glee rehearsal for the afternoon, he just was like ‘uh guys?’” Marley shook her head and took the plate that her mom handed her, walking to the kitchen table with it. “And we all just sort of looked at each other and left. Like, seriously? Kind of felt used.”

Mrs. Rose also sat at the table with her food, just as Marley was cutting her meat into small pieces. “Marley, I took a second job,” Mrs. Rose said suddenly, with a tone of one wanting to get it over with. “I start tomorrow afternoon.”

Marley looked up quickly from her plate, the smile vanishing from her face. “What?” she exclaimed softly. She looked for some kind of sign on her mother’s face that what she had just said was only a joke. “Mom, what?”

“It’s only a part-time position, four evenings a week working the cash register at the CVS,” her mother explained. 

“Mom, you work so hard already!” Marley continued, dropping her fork onto her plate and gesturing wildly with her hands. “Why would you even think about taking another job?”

Mrs. Rose deflated a little bit with a sigh. She closed her eyes to gather strength for what she had to say next. “I have a lot of bills to pay, Marley.” When Marley didn’t seem to understand, Mrs. Rose elaborated. “Hospital bills.”

Marley felt every nerve in her body go still for an instant as she took in what her mother said. “It’s because of me?” Marley finally said quietly. “You’re getting a second job because _I’m_ a mess?”

“Marley Ann Rose, you are _not_ a mess,” her mother assured her strongly, grabbing Marley’s hand across the tabletop. “And it’s not your fault that you’ve been sick. But you know our insurance isn’t good, and it definitely didn’t cover treatment for mental illness. I’m on a payment plan with the hospital for your rehab, but I do need some more income to make the payments on time and to pay them off more quickly. I promise it’s only temporary.”

Feeling genuinely sick to her stomach, Marley cast her gaze downwards, at her hand in her mother’s. Her mom was stroking her hand comfortingly. “It’s not fair,” Marley declared. She looked back up to her mother. “It’s not fair for you to work twice as hard whenever it’s my issues. I’ll get a job. I’ll do anything, just please don’t start working yourself to death.”

Mrs. Rose laughed. “Marley, a second job isn’t going to kill me,” she said gently. “It’s part-time. I’ll be fine. You’re not getting a job. Ah-ah!” she cut off Marley’s objections before they even had a chance to be voiced. “No, I want you concentrating on your schoolwork and on glee club. I know how important it is to you. I want you to accomplish all the things you want, and you’re not going to be able to do that if you’re trying to make enough money to pay hospital bills.”

“What about what you want?” Marley countered, feeling tears brimming in her eyes, embarrassingly enough. Her emotions had always had a hairline trigger. 

With a kind smile, Mrs. Rose closed her other hand around Marley’s hand as well. “All that I want,” Mrs. Rose said, squeezing her daughter’s hand gently, “is for my beautiful baby girl to be happy and healthy.”

xxx

Marley sobbed in her bathroom that night, late, after her mother had gone to bed. The guilt was eating her alive— _she_ was the reason her mother was having to take a second job. She knew how hard her mother worked, how tired she was all the time, and how they still never had enough money. And Marley had gone and run up such a huge bill that her mom had to take a second job to even hope to pay for part of it.

The tile floor was cold under her bare feet. She gripped the edges of the counter so hard that her knuckles turned white and her fingers ached. There was a slow-forming puddle of tears forming on the countertop directly beneath her, where her tears had dripped from her cheeks and fallen, since she couldn’t be bothered to wipe them away.

Sniffling and hoping the worst of her crying was done, she slowly looked up to face her reflection. And only cried harder from what she saw. Blotchy face, red eyes, flawed skin, tangled hair. She wasn’t perfect, and she couldn’t be, no matter how hard she tried. _Mom deserves perfect,_ Marley thought as she cried harder again. _She doesn’t deserve to be burdened with someone like me._

She pushed away from the vanity, forcing herself to look at her whole body. Standing there in only a close-fitting tank top and panties, it was easy to pick out her flaws. The thigh gap that she loved was disappearing. Her hipbones had vanished after putting on weight, and she missed them. Her legs in general disgusted her, with heaps of fat clinging to her thighs.

And then her arms. When hanging directly at her sides, the fat in them was pushed forward, making it more noticeable. Moving them didn’t really help, because then it hung there, obvious and disgusting.

Turning to the side, she pulled up her tank top to examine her stomach. The pooch of her stomach that she’d worked so hard to rid herself of was making a reappearance, making her feel the need to fold her arms over her stomach to hide it. 

_And yet, still no boobs to be seen,_ she noted bitterly.

She could still feel her dinner churning around in her stomach, making her feel nauseous. Tears brimming in her eyes, she couldn’t help but cast a glance towards the toilet. It would be so easy to just put herself in front of it and stick her fingers down her throat. She knew that once she did, the stress she was feeling would be relieved, even if it was only temporary.

But then she wouldn’t be able to stop. She knew that too. And Ryder would find out and he’d hate her for it. No, he wouldn’t hate her for it—he’d be disappointed and sad. That might even be worse. She had promised him.

However, didn’t Ryder deserve perfect too? He deserved to have the perfect girlfriend. Beautiful, thin, talented, smart—he deserved a girlfriend like that. Not a mess like she was.

She could be more beautiful, more thin. She knew how to become that way. 

Marley hit the wall behind her and sank down it, hitting the cold tile floor beneath her as the conflict within overwhelmed her. Her tears flowed freely down her cheeks again as she repeated the same battle over and over again in her mind. 

_Purge. No, don’t purge, you’re worth more than that. No I’m not. I could be, but I’m not. Ryder wouldn’t want it. Ryder deserves better. You won’t solve your problems. Maybe I don’t care. But you do._

Her phone rang. It was the most beautiful sound she’d ever heard in her life, as it broke through her internal torture. She scrambled to her feet, half-crawling out the door of her bathroom and towards where her phone was sitting on her bed, next to Amber who was curled up near the pillows. 

“Hello?” she gasped gratefully into the receiver.

“Marls?” Ryder’s voice came on the other end. “Love, you sound upset, is something wrong?”

Marley choked back the lump in her throat. “No, I’m fine,” she lied. “I’m…well, no I actually am upset.”

“What’s wrong, babe?” he asked softly, sounding so kind and caring that Marley nearly burst into tears all over again.

 _You don’t deserve him, you ungrateful little--_ “My mom had to get a second job,” Marley confessed, trying to ignore the malicious things that her own voice was spitting at her in her mind. “All because of me and my stupid hospital bills.”

“Oh, Marley,” Ryder said sympathetically. “Love…look, I know that must hurt, but you’ve got to know it’s not your fault.”

“It’s definitely my fault!” Marley exclaimed tearfully. “I’m the one who’s ruined _everything_. I ruined sectionals, I ruined my own health, now I’ve ruined my mother financially.”

“Marley, I know your mother doesn’t see it that way, and I don’t either. You have ruined nothing.”

A tear trickled down Marley’s cheek. “Yes I have,” she insisted. “And I’m just waiting for the day to come when I ruin…”

Ryder waited for a moment. “When you ruin what?” he finally asked.

“ _Us_ ,” Marley finally whispered. “Someday I just know it’ll happen. I’m…I’m too happy with you, Ryder. Someday, eventually, I’m going to do something to screw it up, or I’m going to end up being too much for you to take, or…” She couldn’t continue on as she burst into sobs again. It was really a wonder that she had any tears left. Amber looked alarmed, and rubbed up against Marley, who started stroking her gently.

“Babe, please calm down,” Ryder pleaded. “Love, take a deep breath. Listen to my voice, okay? I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. Shh…” As Marley’s sobs slowed, he continued, still in a soothing voice. “You will never screw up our relationship. And you are never going to be too much for me to take. I love you. And that means something to me, okay? It’s not just words.”

Marley smiled through her tears. “That’s what I would say,” she murmured.

“I know,” Ryder whispered back. “Because we’re just the same, all right, Marley? We’re perfect for each other. I love you and you love me and that’s not going to change anytime soon. I promise you that. You…you can’t dread something bad happening, because then you’ll never enjoy your happiness.”

“I know,” Marley agreed, sniffling loudly as she brushed away tears. Amber rubbed her head against Marley’s cheek as well, catching tears in her fur and meowing, making Marley laugh despite herself. “I love you, Ryder.”

“I love you too, Marley,” Ryder answered back, and Marley could just hear the smile in his voice. “Now…when does your mom start her new job?”

Marley’s heart fell again and her chin quivered, but she forced herself to remain calm. “Tomorrow after school,” she muttered quietly.

“So you’ll need a ride to your therapy appointment.”

Closing her eyes in an annoyed way, Marley groaned. “I totally forgot about that.”

“I’ll drive you, don’t worry about that.”

“Thanks, but I just…I don’t even want to go.”

Ryder paused. “Marls, I thought therapy was helping? It is helping, isn’t it?”

Marley shrugged, pushing her hair behind her ear. “Yeah. I mean, I guess. A little. Sometimes. It’s really hard, Ryder.”

“I know, babe, but you’ve got to keep going,” he encouraged her. “It’s good for you to talk about how you feel with someone who understands it all.” He paused again, and Marley could feel his hesitation over the phone line. “Marls, have you been feeling bad at all? I mean, like you were before?”

Her heart pounding, Marley made a quick decision. “No, I feel fine,” she insisted. “I’m doing so much better.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Ryder said, and Marley felt the guilt wash over her all over again. _Once you start lying, you can never seem to stop,_ her conscience nagged at her. _And now you’ve lied to Ryder, the boy who loves you. You don’t deserve him, you fat—_

“Ryder, I’ve gotta go,” Marley said suddenly, feeling the lump grow in her throat again.

“Oh…okay, love. Get some sleep, all right? I’ll see you tomorrow morning, first thing.”

“Absolutely,” Marley said quickly. “I love you. I love you so much. Thank you for always being there for me.” _Even though I’m never there for you. It’s always me, me, me._

“Anytime, Marley. I love you too. Good night.”

“Good night,” Marley whispered, and waited for Ryder to hang up first. When she heard the line disconnect, she burst into fresh tears and curled up next to her cat, not even bothering to turn the light off to cry herself to sleep.

xxx

Marley laughed along with the rest of her friends as they all stood around on the stage, just having finished performing _Footloose_ in glee the next afternoon. She was talking with Unique about shoes when, out of the corner of her eye, she saw Kitty ducking out the stage door.

“Hey, I’ll be back, okay?” she murmured to Unique, and didn’t even wait to hear her best friend’s answer as she immediately went to follow after Kitty.

She checked the first few classrooms she passed, peeking in the windows, but not seeing her friend in any of them. She got to a bathroom and pushed open the door quietly. And then she heard it—the sound of sobbing.

“Kitty?” she called softly. The sobbing got quieter, but not very. Marley hurried around the corner and pushed open the stall doors until she found Kitty in the last one, sitting on the floor next to the toilet, head in her hands.

Pushing aside the feelings of how familiar this scene felt, Marley hurried in, kneeling next to Kitty. “What’s wrong?” Marley demanded sternly. “Don’t tell me nothing. You’ve been acting off all week. Are you sick? Does something hurt?”

Kitty only shook her head, tears flowing quickly and freely, something that Marley couldn’t believe—Kitty never allowed herself to cry in front of anyone. Something was seriously wrong. She grabbed Kitty’s hand, squeezing it. “You can tell me,” she urged Kitty. “Whatever it is, I’ll help.”

Sobbing loudly again, Kitty managed to choke out a few words. “Marley, I’m so—scared.”

“Wha—why?” Marley asked. She had no idea what was happening, but felt her own eyes filling up with tears of sympathy in reaction to Kitty’s grief.

Kitty wept loudly and looked up at Marley with tears filling her hazel eyes. “I think I’m pregnant,” she managed to whisper before being overcome by loud sobs, collapsing into Marley’s shocked embrace.


End file.
